March 17, 2021

Having a wonderful weekend and understanding failure and fear

This week, I am really having a blast hanging out with my cousin during the weekend into Spring Break. Alongside having fun with my cousin, I was ever happier to spend days off having no anxiety about school assignments and tests. However, I still feel a bit anxious about my 2nd midterm grade for my Finance grade that which is giving me a bit of stress. If I get a failing grade again, I would have to explain to my father why I have a failing midterm grade and that gets me more anxious than ever. I feel so stressed on the inside but on the outside, I'm just living life as it goes.

Speaking of having anxiety about my midterm grade for Finance class, I did stumble across this one video that I thought gave me some motivation about climbing back up from a failure. This video was a motivational video that had this actor of the Equalizer (Denzel Washington) explain a life lesson about failure and trying over and over again. As I was watching this video, I started understanding a bit about myself. From having anxiety over a failing grade, I understand that I was afraid of losing or failing all the time. Looking back in my life, I would always feel frustrated over having an F grade and or feeling stressed after losing a video game match. However, watching Denzel's motivational speech made me understand that failing something means that I was trying. So that made me understand that there are always limits that I have in me, however, as long as I keep trying, I will eventually pass that class or win the next game afterward. I guess what I am trying to say is that I should not feel anxious over my grade because, at the end of the day, I tried studying for that midterm for Finance class, and whatever grade I get, I will still try harder next time. Maybe next time I will have a chat with my dad about my failures and I will say to him, "you know what dad? I tried. I tried and I still could not get it, however, I will get it next time." That being said, I plan on working for money as long as possible as a backup plan. I am not sure what else needs to be the plan, however, I will know soon enough as the days go by.

Aside from my anxiety over a grade that has not been released yet and the fact that I had a blast hanging out with my cousin during the weekend, I feel this week might go well for me. Because of Habitica and creating a SMART goal during my Global Management Midterm Exam, I have been 100% committed to walking every day outside or inside my home. Ever since my commitment to walking, I have been feeling a bit healthier and active as the days go by but I still have to probably work on eating more healthier by balancing my diet. That is why today, I had Panda Express where I had servings of Mushroom Chicken and Ribeye Steak with a half serving of Chow Fun and the other half being straight-up greens. Due to that, I am thinking of incorporating some vegetables in the things I eat so I may need to ask my mother to purchase more vegetables to cook for the family.

I also have to work on reading more as I have been slacking on that area a lot. Till then, I will see how the week plays out for me in the meantime!

~ Asian Nut

Written by AsianNut

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