Back in Puerto Rico, no power or water, childhood memories

7:28 PM

Well I currently don’t have any water or electricity in my home. I came back here to Puerto Rico yesterday and there was a big hurricane that came by this weekend and it caused a lot of damage. My area was basically unscathed, my home had no damage, but now this entire area is out of electricity or water. If I go outside it’s all pitch darkness. I guess that’s a good thing, no light pollution.

I recently flushed the toilet because it was starting to stink. I probably only have 12 gallons of water left in reserve. I did have water this morning but I arrogantly did not fill up all the empty gallon containers I had, and there’s like 10 or so that have been empty for a while. Anyway I need two gallons to flush the toilet, so I flush it sparingly. Yeah it takes two gallons of water for each toilet flush, which is not much compared to the thousands of gallons of water for a single meat meal, which is one small reason why I’m vegan and don’t eat meat and haven’t for 10 years because it’s idiotic to.

Anyway I drove outside earlier today during rush hour, wanting to get to the park so I could walk around in it for a few hours. There was an insane amount of traffic though. It didn’t help that there were some stoplights that were out either. I turned around near the end because I could not make the exit I needed to make, it was just clogged with so many cars. Anyway I felt very alone and insignificant while being stuck in traffic. I kid you not that there were thousands of cars there, thousands upon thousands of cars in the highway, all stuck in traffic. I felt so puny.

Anyway I am still in love with Wahl but she hasn’t messaged me in 5 days since Saturday. Yeah it always takes a while with her, always has, since I first started messaging her, but she always replies so warm and sweetly when she does get back to me. Meanwhile I’ve been sending her at least one message a day since Sunday until yesterday and it’s really hard on me physically and emotionally, waiting and waiting for her to reply back after I sent her something warm and romantic.

Of course there are times in which she replies right away and we have brief important romantic chats in real time, but these are few. At this point she knows my full intent that I want to be in a relationship with her, I told her this outright. And she bought tickets last week so we could meet up and have our first date, but unfortunately she got storm warnings and we both cancelled and got a refund for our tickets.

Today I just watched anime and worked until the electricity went out, then I took a nap. When I woke up, I headed out to go to the park, got stuck in traffic, and then just headed back home. Now I’m here with no lights or electricity or anything. To top it off, my wireless signal is also weak for some reason and I don’t have any internet basically, or it’s incredibly slow, slower than dial up internet. And yeah I had dial up internet until 2004, so I lived with it for a while and I know how slow it is.

I don’t know the year, but I remember downloading Maplestory maybe in early 2004 or so, I was in 3rd or 4th  or 5th grade at the time, and I had to leave it on while I went out to get Tae Kwon Do lessons because it’s 70mb file would take a few hours to download. And yeah my computer back then only had 20gb storage, and that was a lot for the time I think. You had to leave your computer on overnight to download stuff because it took hours to download anything.

I really miss those days of the early internet. I can’t live through that era anymore. This was before social networks entirely. There was only email and neopets and video games and geocities and chat rooms and irc and AIM and ICQ and YIM. Yes I was like a 9 year old at the time and I experienced all this early internet greatness. I made my first website at 9 and and I hung out with 20+ and 30+ year olds as a 10 year old. Yes. I also remember RuneScape in its earliest days. I was a few months late to the Party Hat drop, but I was around for everything else. Sigh. Those were the good old days. I’m gonna attach a picture of me during that time when I was a kid addicted to the internet hanging with adults, I enjoy the character I was back then.

8:35 PM

I think I looked like a kid with unlimited potential. Sigh. I know what would come after and I am afraid I am not able to do as well. So yeah I did hang out with older people as a pre-teen. I remember one of my best friends was a 17 year old name Lance. I know his entire full name too. Another close friend was a guy named Nate. I forgot his last name though. Damn. I knew his last name once upon a time, but I don’t remember it now. There was also Sword500 who was a 15 year old kid who webcammed with 10 year old me and he showed off typing with eyes his closed, in reality I could already do the same as a 10 year old and even much faster than him. 

Those days were kinda amazing and the days felt like they moved far slower. Each day was hugely significant. Why doesn’t it feel the same way anymore? I had so many adventures back in the day. This was before social media so all adventures were in real life with other kids. 

I admit there were adventures I had where me and a friend stole candy from a store, we were 10, and I am pretty sure the adults knew we were doing it and they just let us get away with it. We lived in the ghetto and I used to hang out with him and his older siblings and we would have a lot of fun. He would get into trouble often and he even got expelled from school, from the entire county in fact. He did a lot of illegal things. He caused a lot of drama and had tantrums in school.

I had so many friends back then. There were so many adventures. So many. It would be crazy to list them all. There was this one time this one kid was giving away Yu-Gi-Oh cards and he was just throwing them out of his window and me and some other kids gathered on the ground below and started catching them. There was one time we climbed a roof and found a knife. Another time we went into the sewers and crawled around for a while looking for a pet snake. This is with different friends by the way. There was this kids computer place that opened up in the neighborhood and I remember going there and hanging out. I miss being a kid for sure. 

Omg so many crazy stories and memories. I remember this one kid named Cody let me borrow a bunch of his DVDs and in return I would make him a page on my website, so I had this page named “Cody’s Page” on my website for a while. This was in 3rd grade! Or maybe it was 4th grade. But anyway I remember it was a long walk to his place and I would go there riding a scooter. Even as an adult it’s quite a walk, maybe 15-20 minutes of walking, maybe 30 minutes. I cannot believe I would go there and back home alone as a kid. I’m glad I wasn’t kidnapped or anything, but yeah that was quite the trek.

Anyway I am kinda just fearful for the future. What more am I going to do with my life? Will I ever get another million views on YouTube? Can I get 1000+ subscribers again? Will I ever have anything viral in my life happen again? Will I ever become famous? Will I ever get with Gal? I kind of know I can do anything with her by my side. I just really want to be with her but she hasn’t replied yet. She did post a new story on IG though and she was beautiful and attractive as always.

I am so fearful of the future. I typed all of this in a dark room with no electricity or water by the way. It’s kinda hard to imagine for anyone reading this probably, since most have the luxuries of electricity and lights. I don’t, not right now. But anyway this is peanuts compared to a friend who is vegan as well that lives off grid without electricity or water. He’s my closest guy friend on the island. I have a female friend who’s probably my closest friend here who says she loves me but I am taking it all in as platonic. 

There’s another female friend on the island who is into me too, who is also a good catch to be honest, like she’s not bad herself and her personality is good, but I am only into Wahl and I am in love with Wahl. Even though we are both single and even Wahl told me it was fine if I asked out other women or felt feelings for another woman, it would feel like cheating if I asked out this other woman on a date, so I would never do that, but it is clearly obvious she’s into me. She makes it extremely obvious, but I can’t because I have Wahl, or will soon anyway. But yeah.

Anyway I guess that was my day today. I’m gonna go and read or something from my laptop. I am not that sleepy but I need to be before going to sleep.