3:43 AM (of Sunday, December 25th 2022)
Today is Saturday, December 24th 2022 and so much has happened lately. It's unbelievable. I need to really keep on track here and start writing in my journal daily again because I am having a hard time recalling everything.
So on Wednesday the 14th, I think it was on Wednesday, I flew back to Puerto Rico and that's where I've been since then. Nothing much has really changed here. I did weigh myself though and found that I weighed a lot more, so I got really frustrated at that. Well, it should've been obvious because I've just been asking my dad to prepare food for me whenever I wanted and I'd eat a lot of food.
The park I'd usually walk in that takes like 4 hours to walk the entire length back and forth, and you're forced to walk back because it's a one way path basically, was closed for renovation. I went there as recently as a few days ago, and it was still closed. So I think it's just going to be permanently closed until next year.
Since then I've been driving around and exploring, trying to find a new place to walk in. I found some decent spots maybe. There's this nearby beautiful beach that's like a few minutes away, its waters are nice and light blue. It's so beautiful.
I met two random new moots (slang for mutuals, which means someone you follow and they follow you back) on Twitter. Both are girls and both are vegan. One of them let's call her Zuu because I call her that anyway, I met in some random thread I saw with someone retweeting her saying something like "there's no excuse not to be vegan, you are just an animal abuser if you aren't" which is true, there's no reason not to be vegan and you choose to have animals tortured and killed unnecessarily for you if you aren't.
She's part of this group called edtwt which is eating disorder twitter, and the person retweeting her was likely another girl, because edtwt is like 98% girls or something, and her saying "this is why people don't like vegans" with a bunch of other edtwt people chiming in. They're almost all teenagers too I found out way later though. Like they're pretty much all in the 14-17 range. So I replied to a few people in there, thinking they were all adults and that some were guys because they all had anime profile pictures and fake names so who could even tell. Some of them would reply back with typical random stupid and easily debunked "arguments" and I'd just retort back. When they ran out of arguments they'd either stop replying or it just turned into some of them posting gifs of corpses served on a plate.
Anyway a day later or something, Zuu comes in and says "omggg thankk uuu ^^ ily" with hearts or something like that, it's like the girliest message ever. She types in the girliest way ever. She's thanking me for replying to the people in the thread because she was also replying to people and felt attacked and alone, even though there were other vegans in that edtwt thread. I reply back to that and we go back and forth and eventually become moots. I guess we followed, or she let me follow her private account on IG, because I don't let anyone follow my account, and we added each other on Facebook. She made a facebook account just to add me and I'm her only friend on there.
The other moot I met was of course another vegan. I don't know how I ended up seeing her post, but she made some random post about like wanting to hear some guy to talk to her in a soothing voice or something. I don't even remember. I was the only person that replied. I was like, I'd like to audition my voice if you're interested, she said yes, and then we messaged each other, got to know each other a little bit, we requested to follow each other on IG but we both have private accounts with almost no followers and we didn't grant the other permission. I sent her some YouTube videos that had my voice and face and she said I sounded attractive and that I am handsome. Wow. Anyway it's been like a week or two, we haven't called each other on IG yet but plan to, I asked her as recently as today (Saturday, December 24th) if she still wanted to do it and she replied saying she definitely still does.
The most emotional event was probably on Tuesday the 20th. I think it was on Tuesday. Anyway, I've been messaging Wahl again and sigh. I don't know, it's mainly been a way one messaging system now. Like basically I'm just the one messaging her these love messages and not getting any response back. So I've been sending her some stuff for like the past two weeks and she wouldn't really reply unless it was with something negative. I don't know what's up with her now. So I messaged her on Tuesday a teasing and playful message about her acting difficult and manipulative sometimes with emojis, but that I still loved her, meaning I understood women get emotional and sometimes upset, and their behavior reflects that but I still cared about her a lot. And then she replied to that getting upset that I called her difficult and manipulative and saying I love her in the same message, and basically said goodbye.
I was heartbroken when I read that. So I explained that my message wasn't meant to be taken seriously and I even used emojis in that message to show that. Anyway I said goodbye to her too and thought that it was all over. I lied down in bed and was so heartbroken. I think I cried, world feeling shattered. Obviously I'd move on probably the next day because I recover quickly from emotional events, but I wanted to feel this sadness as it happened. She replied saying basically that she misunderstood and didn't take it as a playful message (even though I used a lot of emojis). I replied to her again eventually sending her the most loving messages so far yet again just to recover from such a low point.
And then a few days passed by. I found this new nearby park I could walk in. I'd write about my first novel experience walking around in that park but it's been a few days already. The park is about 2-3 miles long total from one end to the other (and it involves going across this street bridge) so it's a very small and short walking park. I'll put up a picture of the street bridge though, I think it's kinda fancy. Anyway this "linear park", that's what I searched to find it, apparently linear parks are straight line parks for walking and cycling, and the other one is closed.
Today (Saturday, December 24th) I walked in the park again today, and I bought some groceries. I ate a lot. And this letter arrived from Lia. We exchanged gifts recently, she sent me an air fryer even though I already have one. I guess she didn't know. Then she sent me this amazing handwritten letter. It's so amazing and meaningful. It came in this nice envelope and the greeting card was unique and thick, and she wrote this long letter basically saying how much I meant to her and it was so loving and awesome. I felt so much from the letter. I lied down in bed for a bit and maybe cried a little again. Then I took a nap. I thanked her for that letter, and also she sent an Apple gift card along with the letter.
And I guess that's it so far. Umm I've also been talking with Jaxx and she keeps telling me to stop fasting and take DurianRider's advice on eating pretty much all carbs only, under 10g of fat total a day limit, and I'll lose weight even if I ate unlimited calories. I'm putting that theory to the test by doing exactly that. If I can lose weight without fasting and eating as much food as I want, then I'll do it. It sounds dubious because calories in calories out, but we'll see. Very few people follow eating pretty much carbs only, but it sounds logical. We'll see though. So far I have not lost any weight following this advice. I probably gained weight, but she says that's normal at the start.... Like I said we'll see.
Oh yeah there's also, I don't remember what nickname I gave her. My friend from college. She got back to me again today and I told her about the book on luck I was planning on publishing this year. That was the original plan anyway, but I think it's better to publish it next year. Because if the book is published in 2023, then even by December 2023 people will think the book was still brand new and recent, just because it has 2023 in it. Because she works in marketing, I asked her if she was interested in working on marketing the book for a cut of the sales.
I need to focus more on losing weight and work again.
Anyway that was my day today.
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