Fasting Day 5

10:03 AM

It's morning. It's 10 AM. Fifth day of fasting. I am tired and restless and bored and wanting to do something. I'm just here at home doing nothing. I don't want to work today. I can literally do anything I want.

I miss messages from Wahl. I miss messages from anyone. No one has messaged me in the last few days basically. Except my parents and my cousin who is in PR right now, and Yuzu. I haven't heard from Emma in a while. Oh yeah I did chat with Lia recently, she's on vacation.

10:48 AM

Everything bores me. Work bores me. All manga bore me. All anime bore me. I don't feel any motivation or energy to do anything.

12:06 AM (of Thursday, January 19th 2023)

So something I did learn at least is that everything is temporary. I noticed some fame fall off recently. On Twitter, my account was shadowbanned, so my tweets basically do not get any attention anymore like they used to. They get like 1-10 views now whereas earlier they were getting tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of views. I have more than two million views on my tweets total.

What's interesting is how temporary it all was. I felt and experienced a decent amount of fame, getting constant notifications every few seconds, then it was all taken away in a moment.

It's the same with my music. I used to have hundreds of listens per day. That has now trickled down to like less than 10 listens per day, starting on January 13th, the same day I started my fast. I think that's when I got removed from a lot of playlists or something like that. Depressing.

Everything is temporary. At least I want love to be permanent. I'd like to be with Wahl forever.

Today was a really boring day. AJN and I went to the park to walk for 4 hours, but that was closed, so we went to Marshall's and got some stuff. We went to Costco after. I asked if she was going to pay for the stuff she wanted, and she got really hysterical, started yelling and causing some drama. I was just standing there pretty silently like what the fuck is going on, why is she yelling and going crazy. I didn't even respond, I just stood there pretty silently and tried to ignore her until she stopped causing a scene for no reason in front of a bunch of people.

She's been yelling a lot randomly all the time at my home, getting extremely dramatic about things for no reason. She got on a phone call earlier today about something her former friend said and was yelling about it. She told me the story and I responded pretty boredly like whatever.

We bought some dates today. She said I could eat two to three dates a day, one for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or I can substitute one of those dates for these orange chips we bought at Marshall's. Each chip is 10 calories, but each date is 20 calories. So I could have 60 calories of this stuff. That's what she said anyway, but she got hysterical when I did eat. What the fuck, she said I could do it, and then she got mad at me for doing it and saying I didn't care and all this shit. Also I'm saying fuck and shit because she says these words a lot. You tend to pick up some habits from someone you're with, at least I do anyway.

Well I'm baring a lot of negative shit during this fast. First is I can't eat anything. My Twitter got restricted so I feel like a nobody again now after knowing what it was like to basically feel famous. My current music hit the bottom, I'm getting less than 10 listens per day on my songs now. But there is a new song coming out soon that hopefully performs really well. Wahl hasn't messaged me since January 3rd or 4th, I've messaged her a lot since then. She's still on my mind constantly and I long for her replies. Emma also hasn't messaged me in a long time. She usually messages me every single day.

I don't know. I guess there's a lot of pain that I'm going through in this fast. Lessons to be learned I guess.

Anyway that's my day today.