Brain dump

After a lot of discussion with BF and family, I have decided it is time to quit my job and move on. It is just no longer sustainable for my physical or mental health. My physical health is affected by stress. I have an autoimmune disease that reacts to stress. If I get too stressed my immune system goes into overdrive and starts attacking the healthy tissues in my body. It is a horrible feeling to feel your muscles fading away and to know the cause and not be able to do anything about it. So I am going to do something about it. I am going to remove the source of my stress. I will offer to stay and work as a technician or help in the service department, I find it unlikely that they'll be able to find anything for me though. My boss had to convince them that we needed two technicians so I think they are highly unlikely to give in for a third.

I simply can't handle the customer base at my job. Everyone is entitled and not in the least understanding. I just don't want to deal with them anymore. I would be much happier never having to speak to a customer. I do believe that if I can't do the role I was hired for anymore they are obligated to to find me alternative work. The stress of this job has left me feeling like I can't organize or catch my own thoughts. My brain never seems to quiet anymore. Even when I sleep I find myself dreaming about work. BF sits there talking to me and something triggers a thought about work and suddenly I am lost to the world, thinking about work. There are aspects of the job that are fun but once you get past actually selling the boat and get to deliveries it is hell. I love to interact with customers just to say hello and chat quickly but when it comes to making a sale, I hate it. I always feel like I am duping people which is never my intention and it feels awful. I am never trying to trick anyone. Sometimes I am just given poor info. Or given no info at all and I have to try and find the right answers myself.

I somewhat just tried to quit and I think it is going to require a doctors note to get it done, or at least to get some medical leave. I believe I will first have to convince my doctor that I need the medical leave. I haven't heard back from her about my bloodwork so I assume everything looks fine at the moment, but I do not feel fine. I have one of my treatments this week which will hopefully help. I really just don't think that I can deal with this stress anymore.