ending friendships :(

I'm back again! Not really sure what to talk about today, but I decided I was going to do this for a week so here I am! Today was a pretty good day. I was on my phone a lot, and I did a bit of reading. I also watched a few episodes of Adventure Time which was fun. Last night I spent a long time talking to my ex-best friend. It was cool to just talk normally but it definitely reminded me of the reasons why we aren't close anymore. She doesn't really seem to care about what's up with me. It feels like Im just a person to talk to, and that I was just another person to talk to. They ended up venting to me about a lot of stuff, and they've been through a lot in the past year. I feel bad for making things worse for them. They mentioned the fact that they lost a lot of friends in the last few months, which I feel really bad about because I know a lot of them were mutual friends. After we had our falling out, many of our mutual friends ended up sticking with me. I didn't want anyone to have to choose between us, and I tried to make that clear to my friends, but they ended up drifting from them anyways. Part of me knows that it's not entirely my fault, because my friends have opened up to me about how they've had similar experiences with them, but I still feel really bad for adding to everything they've had to go through. Speaking of ending friendships, I cut things off with my really toxic friend a few days ago. I still feel really guilty about it because I've never done anything like that before and a part of me still really loves and cares about them, but I had to do it for my own mental health. I met them in 4th grade. They moved to my school and I was really good friends with their cousin, which is how we became friends. It's kind of funny because one of the first interactions we had was them stealing 20 dollars from my backpack. Their mom found it and made them apologize to me, and they convinced me to lie and say that I gave it to them. I guess I've always been a bit of a pushover. After that, we became really close over the next few years, but they kept doing worse and worse things to me, and I was too scared of telling them how I felt. They did things like stealing my phone, trying to stop me from being friends with people, threatening to hurt themself, sending me sh pics, and even beating up my girlfriend at the time for "playing with my feelings." A few months ago, we had an argument and we ended up not talking for a few months. They didn't call or text me for a few weeks, but after that, they started calling and texting me every day. I realized during that break that I was a lot happier without them in my life, and I ended up sorta ignoring these calls and texts. When they called I would say I was busy, and I would give short responses to their texts. After a while I started to feel super guilty about it so I sent them a paragraph apologizing for ignoring them and said that I needed to take a break from the relationship for my mental health. They took this as me saying that I was taking a break from all of my friendships. A few days ago I ran into them while hanging out with my friend Fru. They were working at the store we were at as a cashier. They were the only cashier at the time. I ended up having to check out with them, and we had a really awkward small-talk conversation. The next day, they texted me being really pissed that I was hanging out with Fru. I said that I was only taking a break from being friends with them, and they said a lot of stuff and called me an asshole. I ended up apologizing and saying that I can't continue our friendship and blocked them. I still feel really bad about it but I know that this is good for me. It's just really hard to end a relationship, especially when it's been going on for so long. Anyways I've been writing for too long and I'm gonna go to bed now. gn!!