Bittersweet goodbyes

So today is my unofficial last day at work. It is definitely my last day as a product specialist. It is bittersweet. Obviously I was miserable and needed a change but now that I have my headache customers all sorted out and happy things don't seem so bad. But I recognize that this is just "graduation goggles". Like that wistful feeling you get at the end of high school. Thinking about all the good times and completely ignoring the times that you were miserable. I know deep down that this is the right decision to make but it is still a very tough decision.

Part of me still wishes that I could find a way to make this work. The other part of me just knows that there is no way I can pull this off in the long run. It hurts to have a childhood dream taken away from you. Being allergic to UV is extremely difficult when my whole life I had always wanted a career that led me to working outdoors. Now at 24 I am a little lost for what to do. Do I go back to school and pursue a career in a different field. I always thought it would be cool to get a PHD but I am really not sure that I am up for it or even what field I would want to study in. I have come up with a few other ideas which are more trades related but I am just not sure. Sometimes I wonder if anything will ever keep my attention enough for me to have a real career.

If I am being honest with myself I don't think I really want a career. I would much prefer for enjoying life to be my career. Which I think is something everyone wants of course. I just find that there is nothing I actually want to put my heart and soul into other than my relationship and travels. I am at a loss at the moment. For now I do have two weeks to focus on me and figure out what I want and what I can do. A big struggle for me and having ADHD is picking something and sticking with it. I change my mind daily about what I want to do. Maybe sometime I will figure it out.

Anyways, back to the point. Saying goodbye to this place right now is quite sad. I am going to miss my coworkers. They have all been so wonderful and have been my friends over the last while. My boss especially has been really wonderful and understanding about my health. He knows that I have to do what is best for me and accepts it. He appreciates that I still try and show up and give it my all even when I am fading. I have always been excited to be a part of this team but I don't think my heart was really in sales, I was always more interested in helping the techs. My hope is that when I come back from medical leave I will be able to work in the shop with the boys rather than in sales. I think I am actually more helpful to the team as support staff than as actual sales. I guess we will see what the future holds.