June 12, 2020

Learned A Lot More Stuff, Personal Frustrations, Uploaded 3 Videos

9:01 PM (of Saturday, June 13th 2020)

Today is Friday, June 12th 2020, and it was another day off work today, it was my final day off work today. I basically just studied for most of the day again, I learned a few new things here and there.

Around 12 PM I checked my work email and found I had gotten a bunch. One was for an issue, and I did my best to help this person with their problem, even signing online to work remotely and trying to fix their issue. I told them I was taking off today, so I wasn't going to be available the entire day, but I still helped them out just because I was taking a break from studying anyway and it was a productive way to spend time.

Another work email I received was one complimenting me and how much of a "Gem" I was. For this client, I was able to solve and develop solutions for a bunch of their problems that the previous people who worked with them were not able to do. The email was actually complimenting the work "team" (it's basically only me and my boss, but I do basically everything and I only contact my boss with logistics about them paying us, stuff like that). I've gotten similar very positive compliments a bunch of times from a bunch of people, and it's frustrating for me because I feel like I'm a great worker, a great employee, I think I'm well above average for what I do, but nothing shows it.

I've felt like the above for years, not even just recently. It's a growing pain and frustration I've been feeling for many, many years. I feel like I'm a hidden, talented "gem" as the client described (the client described me as a "Gem" a few times, I'm the one calling myself talented just because of how good I feel I am and how quickly I learn and pick new things up). If this was one compliment I get in years, then okay maybe I'm not that great, but I get this from a lot of people. Last year the recruiter that hired me, told me that the top people in the company think I was possibly her best find, the best person she has hired. I get a lot of compliments like this pretty often.

There are some skills I am lacking, which I am studying for. However, these skills I'm learning now I feel like are more "tricks" and "techniques" that are great to learn, I'm not knocking their usefulness, but they're not the entire picture. There are people that know these skills, that I am still more skilled than in general in my field. Yet just by not having these skills, I am invisible and considered as not knowing much.

So that's why I studied today. I don't know how productive I was, but I was able to upload three videos online of some things I learned. I learned two things today that I thought I would not be able to learn even in a week, but I was able to learn both things in one day. It's frustrating though, learning is hard. It's so hard. It is just one frustration after another. I have to spend time to read, I can't listen to music while I'm studying, I can't watch movies while I'm studying, I just have to sit in silence and read. And it's so frustrating. It's not fun. Not fun at all.

Studying is not fun, but I gotta get it done. Everything feels so frustrating....

Anyway what else did I do today? I don't think I went outside today at all. The only things that stood out were the emails I read, and the three videos I made. The rest of the day was mostly just studying. There was nothing else I did, I mean what else is going on in my life?

That was my Friday today.

Written by JustMegawatt

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