11:58 PM
Whew. Today was another day. I still can't believe it's already 2023. The year 2013 felt like it was yesterday. It was a significant and transformative year for me. That was the year that I dropped out of college. Prior to going to college, since I was in 10th grade probably, I was skeptical about the whole college education and getting into debt thing. I saw some documentaries on it, figured it wasn't for me, and I dropped out.
It's so interesting how years can pass by so quickly and it seems like nothing happened in those years, but at the same time a lot happened. I'm not going to go into exact detail of everything that happened that year, some things I still want to keep private even 10 years after those events. Maybe I'll keep them private until I'm like 50 and way distanced from those events. Not because they're particularly bad or anything, but that I just don't want to share them right now.
One memory I had from 2013 was I became a contractor for this very wealthy man. He had a mansion that he put up for sale at the time for $6 million. I can't believe I was able to meet him in person, and visit his home, and even sleep at his home a few times, and did some basic work for him. I was so stupid at the time. I still have cringey as hell memories. He had a few customers and I think I sent like a mass email by accident saying something really stupid. THAT WAS SO CRINGE. Then he took me to CES 2014 with him and his daughter.
I was so fat at the time, no girl was into me. If I was the me today though, back then, I think her and I could have gone out maybe. Everything back then felt like it was going in slow motion. Every day was honestly a struggle. It's kind of unbelievable how far I've come since then, all the new skills I learned, all the places I worked at, all the countries I visited, all the women I've gone out with, all the new things I've accomplished. It's such a private story that I can't go into much detail about, and I wouldn't except with a very close person. I've not told anyone about my 2013 private things yet.
I'm still waiting to get into such a close relationship with someone, to actually be partners with them, that I can share with them my secrets I've kept for so long. For eons, well, for a decade. If I think about 2013, so many things happened. So many insane things. So far I've not gotten close enough to anyone to tell them my tales. It's fucking sad. I hate keeping shit within me.
Oh yeah another cringey thing I did was I put these stickers on my laptop. I am Asian but I'm not Japanese and don't understand the language, but I custom made this sticker that I printed out, it had some Japanese words on it, and I put that on my laptop. I remember going to a library and intentionally showed it off, like it was just out in the open, even though I had no idea what it said. That was so cringe. I made the sticker myself too, like I bought this sticker paper and printed it on using my inkjet printer. It was so unbelievably cringe.
I had this convertible car that my parents bought for me for like $6500 in my senior year of high school. The repairs and maintenance on that thing were so insane. $6500 was a lot to my broke parents too, they barely made any money at all. They were so extremely broke, they literally went into debt for that car and it took them years to pay it off. I was even worse off than them. I was so broke, every day was honestly a struggle. Everything was so hard.
Honestly even today in 2023, everything is still a struggle. I've come so far since then though. I may not be broke anymore, I may want for nothing, I may have all the freedom of time and energy in the world too, but there are still things missing. I still don't really feel complete or fulfilled. The work I do is still hard. I have to use my brain and think through problems and stuff like that, it's sort of annoying. I mean I sort of enjoy it, I do need to do something with my life after all instead of just do nothing all day, but it's still stressful with the deadlines and trying to get everything to work.
I don't know. I'm dumb. I listen to music, I see artwork, I see programs, and sometimes I think I am incompetent because I'm not able to create those things. I mean I probably could, but it would take years of practice and effort and discipline, and that's expensive.
2013 was pretty complete too. We had everything we could ever want back then. The music was excellent, the song Royals by Lorde was the hit song at the time. I listened to that song, and Rather Be by Clean Bandit, I Love It by Charli XCX, Harlem Shake, Still Into You, and many other songs. They defined my year. I bicycled a really long distance that year, and I went to the same places again this year, but it feels so different when I went there again this year. Back then it was an adventure, when I went there again this year, it was like, a nothingness.
Yeah bicycling 40 miles or whatever in 2013 was huge for me. That was an entire day of cycling I think, and I discovered and went to places I had never been to before. I visited and even walked to these places again this year, just because I had a car and a GPS, and yeah the mystique and allure of these places that were so far before, vanished. I didn't appreciate these places like I used to.
I certainly didn't have tho computers I have today, back then. I certainly didn't have access to all the shows and stuff I watch now, back then. I had YouTube mainly, but I didn't have a place to watch anime. I remember in 2006 you had to actually download anime episodes, not stream them, and back then only English subtitle versions existed, not any English dubs. That was also back when Naruto Shippuden didn't even exist yet, when the main story was still about getting Sasuke and all the characters in the show were still kids. I still remember when Shippuden did come out, and it was so hyped by everyone.
Now there's so much anime, they're all so insignificant now. The story and worlds of each, like who cares now. Back then Naruto was one of the only few decent anime and it had a pretty good and somewhat deep backstory, and was popular too. So people cared about it. Now that there's so many anime, so many different stories, honestly I feel like each world is less and less. There's no more fansites about anime, it's now just the wikia that everyone goes to edit information in and post comments in. Back then you had fan sites dedicated to things like Ash and Misty's Love from Pokemon (AAML), and you had these Chibi gif animations of anime characters. I do wonder who made them, like there were literally hundreds of these pixelated animated gifs like for Dragon Ball Z characters powering up, and they were good, I used to post them on my Neopets page.
I don't know. The Internet era today is just so different. There's just so much more information and everything everywhere. It's so different.
Anyway back to today. I basically worked the whole day and I was able to submit this prototype thing to my clients. I am so frustrated at the current work I'm doing. I get mentally exhausted after working for a while. It's tiring. I have to solve this one problem and it's driving me nuts.
This morning I was a little frustrated too, just some money related frustrations that I shared with my mom and dad. I wish I could tell a partner all about these things. Emma texted me how much she made yesterday. Then today we played a game and she told me how much she potentially made today too. I'm happy for her that she's possibly doing well in life now, good job Emma. She's honestly a really good friend, she's so open and shares with me pretty much everything. I want her to succeed too, I want the best for her.
She couldn't actually play though because she said she was too tired from work. So she just watched me while I streamed my screen on Discord. I played this solo game of Fortnite and won my second ever solo game, she watched me win too. It's kind of interesting how I won because I wasn't really trying, I was chatting with Emma basically the whole time.
Prior to this I went to Wal-Mart and bought some chips and ate them. Now I feel fat so I will fast now. I am fasting until Friday.
Anyway that was my day today.
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