7:30 PM
I'm sleepy right now, and the time is ripe to go to sleep. I think I'm going to have a great sleep tonight.
I woke up pretty badly today, having fallen asleep at like 4 AM last night since I went to the gym at night, and then I couldn't get back to sleep. I was woken up by my parents calling me at around 7 AM, and I was super disturbed and annoyed in bed facetiming them.
My parents called to tell me that they were flying to the Philippines again now, so we chat for a bit. I was in an extremely bad mood all morning basically because I woke up after just a few hours of sleep. After the call, I think I took a nap, and couldn't get back to sleep again. So I just woke up, and started on my dailies again.
There are these tiny cocoon things on my walls at home. I don't know what insect made them, but I think they're quite common here in PR. They were everywhere in my old apartment that I rented in PR too. Anyway they're just these tiny cocoon-like structures hanging off my walls, obviously some insect made them, but they're unknown to me. Today as I was sweeping the floor, I swept up a few of these cocoon things, as I always have. I observed this small brown caterpillar-like, or centipede-like, insect stick its head out the cocoon and dragged itself and the cocoon out of the dustbin. I recorded a video of it.
It was interesting to watch, because the cocoon is massive compared to this centipede-like insect, and yet it was dragging the cocoon around, sort of like a shell. I recorded a video of it trying to climb up a hole, not being able to, and then just going into a tiny hole in the wall. It made me look at the wall, and how low quality this wall is. There's some holes, cracks, at the bottom of the wall where it's supposed to meet the tiled floor. I mean there's this decorative wooden thing on the bottom of the wall where it's supposed to meet the tile, I don't know what it's called, and that's what has the cracks and the holes.
I was extremely frustrated this morning when I checked my weight, and I was heavier by like a pound. I went to Costco later and bought three boxes of Olipop, dedicated to just fasting and drinking nothing but this soda water for the next however many days. But I ended up also buying some bread, and jelly spread, so I made myself a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches today, and I also had a black bean burger.
Later I'd go to the beach again and help my friend Eric out with moving the surfboards again. He's paying me $20 an hour to help with this stuff, so I accepted. I actually make more with my regular work, but it doesn't provide the exercise this opportunity did, so I helped Eric out mainly for the exercise. That took around an hour and a half. With the commute and the toll road I had to use or else be stuck in traffic, monetarily-wise, it wasn't worth it to go. But exercise-wise, it was so worth it. I moved like 50 surfboards or something and took over 10k steps according to my phone (I didn't wear any smart watches for more accuracy). Moving surfboards is hard because they're so massive. They're not easy to move, but I carried two at a time, and lifted them, re-arranged them, stuff like that.
When I got back home, I ate the black bean burger I mentioned above, and I think I also made a PB&J sandwich before eating that burger, since it took a few minutes to cook. Yeah. Then I took a nap, and then I did an 8 minute ab workout, and now I'm writing in my journal. I did it.
I basically did all of my dailies again, and I feel like a champion. The 8 minute abs workout is especially hard, because I have to stop everything I'm doing, and concentrate on nothing but exercising my abs, for 8 minutes straight. I put the workout program on the TV and I follow along, but still, it's hard because I have to drop everything and put myself through some pain, and it's only just a few minutes too, it's easy to skip and forget.
But if I want to ever talk to Mary or Wahl again, I'm gonna have to get six pack abs first. This is just some arbitrary reason I'm making up for not messaging them again, it's because I feel inadequate. Even though they both have dated me when I didn't have six pack abs, and even though I did form a relationship with one without six pack abs. It's obviously not true that I'm inadequate, but I still feel that way. And I feel like I'm more deserving to be with them if I did get six pack abs. I feel like it's a rite of passage, or something like that.
I don't even know how either will respond after not messaging them fol a while. Will they both hate me and/or ignore me? I don't know. I don't know the future, and that's a good thing. In Yamada and the 7 Witches, one of the witches has the power to see into the future and to know what will happen. She says she hates her power because if it's a good thing that will happen, she won't appreciate it when it does, because she already knows it will happen. If it's a bad thing that will happen, she tries to make it not come true instead, which stresses her out, and that prediction will likely happen anyway (in the anime, only another witch's power can cancel out another witch's power, so in every other circumstance, whatever she sees will happen).
I think that's a good point. Unknowns are what make life exciting. The fact that life ends, and that everything in the future is uncertain, makes life so exciting to live. The past is already things that have happened, the future is yet to come, but the future will be the past eventually. Nothing escapes the grasp and movement of time. None of the most powerful and most intelligent people in all of history have ever beaten the advancing of time or death, and prevented either from happening to them. No matter what I do, I can't stop myself from dying, I can't stop myself from advancing into the future one second at a time. No one, not even the smartest, riches, everyone on the planet combined today, would be able to stop these laws of nature. No one stands a chance, and no one will ever stand a chance.
When bad things happen, it's weird that I can hate it. However, I have to realize, I'm not in this life for long, no one is. And the bad things that happen aren't that bad. They aren't what we are doing to animals, mass breeding them for life, putting them into cages, killing the parents and all of their offspring, to needlessly eat their bodies when we don't have to at all. Nothing in my life will ever be as bad as that. Even if I do experience torture, it's not as bad as generations of torture and killing, an endless cycle of it, just to be eaten by closed minded humans unwilling to change. This current state of the world is pretty bad, yet everyone is oblivious to its horrors.
Anyway, knowing I might one day be able to talk to and meet up with Mary and Wahl again, gives my life hope. I don't know if I will even talk to them or meet up with them ever again, and again, the mystery and unknowns of life, are what make it exciting.
Anyway, that was my day today.
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