Taking all of my discipline

9:51 PM

I am exhausted. It's taking all of my willpower and energy right now to keep my consistent good actions and habits up. I haven't strayed at all in the past few days, I haven't strayed in any way that would cause me any regret, for at least the past 3 days, and I am exhausted.

I'm eating very little, the only foods I'm eating right now are basically the three berry mix at Costco. I'm just blending these up and having them as a smoothie bowl. I would add some powdered peanut butter as well as some Juce (a fruit and vegetable powder blend), and some Vegan Brain and Body Boost powder. I estimate that I'm eating either under or around 1000 calories per day. I feel exhausted.

I'm also using a standing desk for a lot of the day, at least an hour or two every day for the past few days. I'd also pace around, and walk around a lot. I still do my dailies: 8 pull ups , 8 chin ups, 36 push ups, 30 leg raises, and 1 hour cardio, every day. I'm still doing my brain training exercises over three apps. I'm still tweeting at least one vegan related tweet per day, one of mine got over 100k views a few days ago. I'm still sweeping and cleaning the kitchen and washing the dishes every day. So I'm still doing all of these positive habits and activities.

At the same time, I've been working. I've been catching up on my finances. The activity that I said would be basically impossible for me to do and was the most important task I wanted to do? I'm done with the majority of it. I've fully caught up on most of my bank accounts, I've properly entered all my transactions from the past 3 years into my bookkeeping which I have been neglecting for 3 years. It wasn't easy at all. This took so much concentration and effort to slog through this boredom. This even involved me going to the bank to pick up some statements that I no longer have access to, and I had to pay $10 for each statement.

I've been withholding my pleasure. I stopped writing about this because it's an 18+ topic and inappropriate, but I haven't enjoyed any pleasurable activities in the past few days. I've been withholding it and it's been really difficult. Right now I can easily just break my streak, but I'll continue withholding. I just get hungry when I break it, and I do not want to eat much.

My trip to Iceland with Wahl is a go. We both ordered tickets and finalized our trip last night. I hope nothing ruins it. I'm seeing some tension news in Israel about Iran possibly planning to invade, and she is Jewish, so I am concerned because this event would have a far reaching impact.

I've been talking to Mary again too. She says she's fine with visiting me in PR again, which is awesome.

I haven't renewed the Habitica challenges yet, only because I am exhausted already with what I'm doing.

I am super proud of what I've been able to accomplish the past few days, but it has not been easy. It's taking all of me to do this.

Anyway I think I'll renew the Habitica challenges right now. Then I'm going to sleep. There has actually been a lot of events the past few days too, like Eric's boss wants to open up a vegan restaurant, so I drove to his place to give him some vegan recipe books I had, and also hung out with him and Alice for a while. Alice is a new person, a vegan girl. I hung out with them for a couple of hours.

I'm just too exhausted right now to keep writing. I really want to just enjoy myself. But I have to withhold. Again it takes all of me to resist.