Worked and felt better

11:55 PM

I was very sick last night and had troubles going to sleep fearing that I would never wake up again. Imagine dying in your sleep, what would that be like? I was in a pitch black room and my body ached, I had a runny nose and couldn't breathe except through my mouth, I coughed every now and then, and staring up at the ceiling, I had this fear I would not wake up again if I fell asleep.

Staring at the ceiling, and closing my eyes every now and then, I contemplated what it would be like dying. No one can ever confirm what we feel like when we die, because everyone who has experienced death can't really share their experience about it. I guess Near Death Experiences are the closest thing, but it's not exactly the same.

There is no way to verify this, but I imagine there is one unique spark, similar to an orgasm, that we'll experience. Scientists say DMT gets released when we die, and that a DMT trip is similar to a death experience. Yet we won't really know until we experience it, and I would hate to use DMT and then die, and then feel that the death experience is actually less than the DMT trip.

When I was going through high school, even though we were so young, full of life and energy, I often thought about how we would all die one day. I never contemplated us being older and retired or working or married, but I imagined my classmates and I dying one day. It's a pretty morbid and messed up thought for a high schooler, but it's a fact of life we all have to face and experience. We all get older, we all will die. There is no way around these two things. It's possible to look young even when older, but that's not the same as actually being young.

We had Google Maps when I was in high school. It was a thing that was starting to get traction around 2011. Before then, I would still print out map directions from Map Quest and then my dad would drive us to wherever. I didn't use Google Maps on my phone though, I don't think I started doing that until 2012, when I got my first iPhone, an iPhone 4. It wasn't the latest model at the time, but it was cheaper than the newer ones since it was a couple of years older.

It's funny how quickly life can change. There were so many things that happened in those years, 2009-2012, it's just 3 years basically, even though I went through 4 high school years in that time. My freshman year must've been in 2008 then, and I attended class in September that year I guess. I still remember those first few days of high school, attending some classes, getting to know people. Cell phones were not a huge thing at the time, nowhere near as good as the phones today I mean, and nowhere near as ubiquitous.

A lot should be able to happen in 4 years, but doing the same things every day makes it seem like nothing is happening. I still have to fix my life.

I worked for the entire day today and I got a lot done. I was still sick, but I didn't make any excuses for it today. I'm still sick right now, but I'm feeling a lot better. Getting sick when you're very old can be a death sentence. I feel pretty bad being sick while young, I imagine it's just so much worse when you're older. I think I have a pretty robust immune system too, but I'm still sick and I'm not getting better instantly. It must be so much harder to deal with when you're older.

Anyway, I also did my other dailies such as my brain training, vegan activism, journal entry, and overall it was a great day.