Geting Fitter

11:09 PM

It's fun working out and getting fit. It does take energy and effort, but the reward is looking better and feeling better. I'm finally starting to see some changes in my face and physique. I look pretty okay now. This photo is from last year though, I don't have any recent flexing photos. Yesterday I weighed 173 pounds, this morning I weighed 174.7 pounds. I gained some weight from eating nearly 4000 calories of food yesterday, and I ate around 2666 calories today which I regret. Yeah, 2666, that's what my calorie tracker says.

I'm not really sure what I can do with looking better and feeling better though. Can I leverage looking good in a way, like gaining more followers or something maybe? If I were giving advice to someone else, then yeah, I would say it's easier to get followers and attention if you are attractive. But me, being attractive? It's really hard for me to imagine being desirable. Even though I have been complimented on my appearance before, even sexually and descriptively, it's pretty rare, and I don't take it seriously because I just don't view myself as desirable. Which is weird, because some women did admit to have a crush on me, and I have been asked out before, but it's just so rare.

Still, this is pretty much my main goal in life right now, to just get fit and hopefully become super attractive. I'm not getting any younger, so it'll be more impactful the earlier I become fit and healthy. As we age, we can start to lose a lot of our capabilities. This is why I do some daily brain training and exercises, and eat healthy vegan foods (although in excess sometimes), just so I can try and maintain my fitness as much as possible.

Once I get fit, then I'll start posting some more photos. I already do post some photos here and there, but rarely, especially of myself, because most of the time I'm unhappy with my appearance. Oh yeah, this negative view of myself is definitely a mental issue thing, but I think it's a healthy one if it causes me to lose weight and get fitter.

This mentality developed from getting scolded by AJN a few years ago when I ballooned to 210 pounds from staying indoors in the pandemic and mindlessly eating, saying I was super fat and wanted me to lose weight. I water fasted with her for two weeks which dropped me down to 180 pounds. I have barely made any progress since then. I'm just 7 pounds lower than that, a few years later, and even though that's kind of pathetic in a way, it's still progress.

Prior to ballooning though, I was around 170 pounds. I don't think I ever got below 170, so I was probably hovering at 173 pounds most of the time, so around the current weight I have now. The fitness difference is huge though. I can do pull ups and chin ups, 10 in a row of each, now with my current weight. A few years ago, at the same weight, I couldn't do a single pull up or chin up. This was because I never had any pull up bar or anything to practice on in my entire life, until I got my own place and bought one.

It's so weird that I've gone my entire life basically without calorie tracking, without doing any pull ups or chin ups, without doing any exercises like push ups and squats. These are extremely basic activities and exercises too. How did I go my entire life without doing them? These activities are so normal to me now and they were so easy to fit into an already busy life. I don't journal enough either. There are people who go their entire lives without journaling even once. Even one time.

Anyway, I worked today. I went to the community center with my dad again, and I got on the treadmill to warm up this time instead of going around the indoor track. I'm weirdly superstitious. I make random decisions based on virtual coin flips (using a search engine to coin flip for me), and I don't like going in a counterclockwise direction. How did these stupid superstitions come up anyway? Out of nowhere, it seems. I don't know why I started virtual coin flipping to make decisions, but I do it all the time now. I need to stop. I don't know why I avoid walking in a counterclockwise circle either.

They switch the direction the indoor track goes depending on the day. Some days it goes clockwise, other days it goes counterclockwise. They put a sign up with an arrow pointing which direction to go. I think they made this rule so people aren't tired of constantly walking in one direction the whole time. Maybe at one point it was just counterclockwise, like how the regular track direction goes, but then there were some people who would walk clockwise, and they'd run into each other. I think that's how this rule evolved anyway. But yeah, I chose not to walk in the track today because today's direction was counterclockwise. It's such a dumb superstition, I know.

It's weird because these superstitions are validated enough times that it makes me keep doing them. Yesterday, I think it was yesterday, I walked counterclockwise to walk by my mom, and I hit something on the ground, like a trash bag or something, some event that doesn't even matter. Yet I was like "this is proof that I should never walk counterclockwise again!!!" which is silly. Same for the coin flips, I coin flipped an action the other day, and had I did it, a good thing would have happened, but I didn't, so nothing happened. So I use these silly validations as a way to continue this stupid coin flipping thing.

It doesn't help that I always get Heads when I coin flip asking an important yes or no question, that I was hoping for heads on, and that would impact me positively if it were heads. I always get Heads on these, like 98% of the time, which just validates this superstition further, and also my delusion thinking the universe is sending me these signs that yeah, this will happen. I just did it again right now, asked it very important life questions that would benefit me positively if they were Heads, and it said Heads twice, I coin flipped twice. Is it just a coincidence when it's so frequent? And I'm not even joking that it's 90%+ of the time, it's pretty much every time, when I ask it these types of questions.

And yeah the questions are very personal so that's why I'm not typing them out exactly. I guess an example could be "Am I going to pass this exam?" but more life related, like "Am I going to get married?" and it would say Heads for both. And I could ask it the same question a day later, or two days later, or I could ask it every day. I think there's questions I ask every day, and it would just say Heads. I know it's just coincidence and/or I'm delusional and exaggerating, but it's just very weird.

Maybe I should start recording it? But that's the thing. This is woo and there's unprovable rules to woo and superstition. Just like the famous double slit experiment that birthed the field of quantum mechanics, when observing photons of light, they appear as particles. When not observing them, they appear as waves. Just by watching them, their states were altered. I feel like if I start recording it, or if someone starts observing me making these coin flips, it won't have the same effect.

Let me ask it again now. If it's Heads twice again, then yeah it's more than coincidence and it is true, and I will never question it again. I got 4 tails in a row... Which is weird. I did it again just now, after writing that, and I got 2 Heads in a row. I'd just ask the same question. When I wrote about doing the experiment, I got 4 tails in a row. When I didn't, I got 2 heads in a row (and I closed the tab after that). Okay, I just did it again, and I got 6 Heads in a row. Wow. The chances of getting 6 heads in a row is around 1%. In a way, I got 8 in a row, and that's probably the first and only time it's ever happened to me, out of thousands of coin flips, and the chances of that are less than half a percent.

I wasn't recording a video or anything so I don't have any proof this happened, but it did. My browsing history shows I searched for coin flip only 4 times in the past 10 or so minutes, which is weird. I definitely did it much more than that. Maybe refreshing or hitting search again doesn't add a counter up? Anyway, No proof of any of this except just what I'm saying.

So yeah as I was avoiding the indoor track because of walking counterclockwise, I got on the treadmill instead. There's like 6 open treadmills facing this one mirror, and it's these fancy curved treadmills that I like because you set your own pace. I got on the treadmill, the one I always get on, one away from the rightmost treadmill, and do my walking warmups on there. A few minutes later a woman gets on the treadmill to my left.

There's basically no one else that uses these treadmills by the way. I use them for around 30 minutes at a time, today I was on there for an hour, and today was the first day anyone else got on besides me (with both very different definitions of besides working for that sentence!! wow!!). A young girl also got on the treadmill to my right at some point, she got off after like 10 seconds though, and then just ran around the gym. Before the woman got on the treadmill to my left, there was also some kid throwing these exercise balls at the wall, maybe it was the same young girl, but I couldn't see that well, so I don't know.

So yeah, just more weird validation for not going counterclockwise. It's silly and very likely I'm just seeing and experiencing "signs" that aren't really there. The 8 Heads in a row was one. This treadmill thing of people getting on when no one usually ever gets on, let alone next to me, was another. The kicking that trashbag the other day, was another. The word for this is Apophenia, seeing signs of connectedness for things that aren't really connected. But this is still weird. 8 Heads in a row? After writing about how I always basically get Heads 90%+ of the time?

I just did two more coin flips. Two more Heads. And then another two. I got 1 Heads and 1 Tails in the last couple. So that's technically 11 Heads coin flips in a row. The chances of that are astronomically low. Anyway, I have no way to prove it. Just like woo and superstition rules, just like with the double slit experiment, I think it won't work when observed. All this could be made up anyway, all these entries, my entire life story. Taken to the extreme, there's no way to verify I ever did anything I wrote about in any of my entries, there's not even proof I am real. But yeah, this 11 Heads coin flips thing did happen. I bet my entire life and existence on it, just no way to prove it, in the same way there's no way to prove anything else.

Getting 11 Heads in a row is an accomplishment in a way. It's pretty much impossible to get. The Coin Flipper I use is a virtual one anyway, a search engine I just search "coin flip" on, so I'm guessing the algorithm there is expertly tuned to be random as possible.

Anyway, that was my day today.