Mistakes

3:00 AM (of Monday, February 17th, 2025)

Today is Sunday, February 16th, 2025, and it was a mixed day today. I would say today leaned more towards being negative rather than being positive, but I did try my best. I did do all of my dailies again today, and it was much easier completing them today than yesterday. The workouts felt a lot easier, I was able to do the pull-ups, chin-ups, push-ups, etc, much more easily today than yesterday. I think yesterday was simply a warm-up, it was probably only hard yesterday because it's been a while since I've done them to this amount.

Here's my current daily workouts: 20 pull-ups, 20 chin-ups, 40 push-ups, 40 squats, 40 leg raises, 40 crunches, 40 side-to-side crunches, 40 bicycle kicks, and 10k steps. Today was the second day in a row that I completed this, prior to this, for a while I would probably just do 5 pull-ups and 5-chin ups, and then not even do any push-ups or any other exercises, mainly because I didn't feel like doing them. Somehow, despite being tired, I did them all yesterday, and today I was less tired, and was able to do them all again.

I'm not ready to increase their reps yet. Maybe in a week, or a month. Yeah, I know I can do a lot more than this, but I'm fine with doing just this amount, though at the same time I don't feel like it's enough. It doesn't take very long to do these workouts, maybe 20 minutes for all of the calisthenics workouts, and 1.5 hours for the walking. The walking does take a while, but the other exercises can be done very quickly.

What am I doing them for, anyway? I guess just conditioning and toning my body. It's quite surprising that it takes a lot of effort to barely get much difference in appearance, maybe a slight improvement. I guess these workouts also benefits strength and mobility, to a small extent too. It takes time for any results to appear, if any results appear at all. Diet can make it so that nothing changes at all, or even cause negative changes to happen.

There's two reasons why I would say today leaned more towards being negative than positive, and one of those reasons is diet. I just ate way too much food again today, this time I ate probably the most I've eaten so far in a single day this entire year. I probably ate around 5000 calories today, it's insane. I know why too, some of the activities I did today really tired me out and made me hungry, at the same time, I woke up today at maybe 1 AM again, and finished eating 2000 calories by like 10 AM, but I still had the rest of the day to experience. Lastly, the other negative aspect of today probably caused the most eating.

The aspect that made today extremely negative though, is that I wasted my time again today. I ended up watching anime and reading manga again today, for probably over 12 hours today. What a huge waste of time. I got hooked on this new anime that came out recently called I Became The Strongest With The Failure Frame. It''s a manga I read years prior, and they finally made an anime about it. The anime is very different from the manga though, with a lot of parts cut out, or a lot of parts made longer and more detailed.

The first episode or two was several times longer than the manga. The manga featured just a few panels for the entire world transfer introduction phase, and the dungeon was only like a chapter long too, it takes like 5 minutes to read through the whole intro and the entire dungeon phase. The anime though, stretched this out to over an hour. What I was disappointed in, was the fight with Humanity's Strongest. The manga had this entire background introduction on the guy, which the anime skipped entirely, and that was so disappointing.

In the manga too, Humanity's Strongest fought back and threw his spear decimating a large swath of the forest with one weakened attack. In the anime, they just killed the guy off, without having him attack once. That was lame. This was actually the part that I looked most forward to in the anime, because I had read the manga years ago, and remembered this guy's insane background story of how he became the strongest, and how powerful he was that he was able to destroy a large amount of a forest with ease in a single blow. In the anime though, he wasn't a threat at all, and it made the main character look like an asshole deceiving him and just killing him off.

Yeah the main character is overpowered, the strongest character in the entire anime and manga, obviously, and he is an asshole. The first few parts make him seem like a good guy, because he only kills the people who try and kill him first, but the part with killing off Humanity's Strongest though, by deceiving him, telling him that he wishes to fight another day, and then killing him off when the guy turned his back, that was a piece of shit move. He is also a meat eater, and it's hard to make a case that someone is good when they pay people to torture and kill animals.

Yeah I finished off the anime in one sitting, and I read some other manga as well. I do enjoy the stories, but they don't benefit me at all. What lessons am I supposed to take from a guy that is the strongest in his entire universe without any effort? He is able to paralyze and kill anyone off by just speaking some words, and no one in his entire universe stands can resist (except the Goddess but she will be taken down too). It's the same for nearly every anime and manga, the main character is overpowered in some way. It's the same in most Western fictions as well, all the superhero stories and pretty much every fiction story, has the main character overpowered in some way.

It's all escapism at the end of the day. I am very surprised that there are so many manga, manhwa, and manhua out there now. People spend days and days drawing a single chapter, and every chapter is extremely detailed too. Once an author and artist or group of these commit to a story, they have to work on that story until its conclusion, as long as there's people interested in that story. I don't think I would be able to do something like that, that just seems so boring, working on one story for years.

I've written some fiction stories myself, just a few short stories, and a few chapters of a series that have had some thousands of readers (just look up MeggsAnthologies). It's really boring to commit to a single story for years or decades, I think. A lot of people commit to their stories and have no viewership either. There's many fictions out there that have few people reading them. The most popular fictions in the west are romance novels, and has been for decades, the main audience being women.

I feel like I can be one of those males in those fictions, but I'm just not attractive enough physically. I'm working on becoming fitter and ripped. I wish that I were more attractive, and that I wasn't the least desirable race, Asian males are the least desirable males. But life is not fair, and you have to work with what you have, I just try my best, and that's really all that I can do.

10:07 AM (of Monday, February 17th, 2025)

Actually, speak of the devil. I chat with some woman for like an hour, and then I went outside and walked for around 30 minutes, then I came back home, completed my physical exercises, wrote an article on Medium. Now I'm back.

Anyway, I still want to improve my appearance by a lot. I am still so fat, even though I can fit in a size small shirt now. I am still fat. I have fat around my stomach. I want to be lean and muscular, with abs, like Wahl and other women I'm attracted to. I think Tess Begg and Mckayla Maroney are some of the most attractive women ever, and I think Wahl is more attractive than both of them. I just feel so worthless and unwanted in comparison.

They say you should be fit yourself if you want to be with fit women, but that's not necessarily true. I've only recently become normal BMI, so every women I've been with prior to this I was basically overweight or obese, which makes me a pretty disappointing partner. One of my ex-girlfriends, I was like 220 pounds when I dated her, so I was obese, and she was fit at 5'8" and 130 pounds, she stood on the scale at my place several times. It wasn't a great relationship, probably because I was obese, but it goes to show women do give ugly, obese, unattractive dudes a chance sometimes. I was also with Mary most recently and she played a lot of sports, and I was overweight. Still, I want to be fit myself because I still feel fat and ugly.

On RedNote, there are some Asian guys there that post selfies and get thousands of likes and thirsty comments from western women. Some women post comments like "take all my data already" or "do you want a green card?" with thirsty emojis. It's wild. Those aren't even the thirstiest comments, just the wittiest and funniest ones that I can recall. A lot of them post tongue emojis, or something like "take me daddy," comments like that. I have never gotten a comment like that in my entire life, except from gay men in DMs. Thank you to the gay men that have complimented me a lot like that, I feel validated in some way due to that, but yeah, I've not gotten any comments like that from women. Actually, I have, it's just so rare.

I want to receive comments like those guys, but I don't know if it's possible for me. Obviously I have other goals in life, like wanting the whole world to stop torturing and killing animals, and becoming wealthier, finding a partner, all that. But I also want to become fit and healthy enough that women post thirsty comments on my photos. I don't know if it's possible for me because of my age and appearance. Maybe I don't have the genes to be attractive. It's exceptionally hard work to become fit.

Anyway, that was my day today.