9:57 PM
I only had around 2-3 hours of sleep last night and I woke up groggy and extremely tired and depressed. I was extremely low energy, and really sad. I honestly did not want to do anything except eat, sleep, and enjoy some entertainment. I didn't feel like working out or anything either, but I checked the time and it was almost 7 AM, I forced myself to change clothes and put on some socks, and then I went walking outside in the neighborhood for a bit. Just for around 10 minutes, because the sun was already starting to come out and was very bright.
I went back home after around 10 minutes of walking, and then not really sure what I did at home, maybe chilled or something. Oh yeah, I went to change my credit card for my gym membership, so I went to the gym and asked them to change my credit card again. I made some extremely large and necessary purchases recently, which maxed out and went over my credit card limit. I paid it off right away, but my credit limit is still $0 for this credit card for now, so I just had to go to the gym to change it to one that wasn't expired.
Then I came back home, waited like 20 minutes or so, I think I just browsed Threads or X during this time, and then I went out to Marshall's to buy some food. I bought some edamame and dried fruits, and then drove back home. I was still extremely low energy and depressed at this point, if you smiled at me or talked with me, I wouldn't have been able to smile or reply back that well. I was very depressed.
When I started getting close to home, several traffic lights were out of power. Yeah, this happens a lot. Anyway, I drove by a few powerless traffic lights, people just force their way through in these situations, and then I arrived at my street. There was no power in my entire street, so my entire neighborhood and every neighborhood around here was out of power. Yeah. I got back home, ate some food, and watched some documentaries I had downloaded onto my laptop. There was no Internet so I could only watch what I had.
I also had some music downloaded, and I listened to Stereo Love (Molella Remix) and the original version of Stereo Love, a few times over and over. I was extremely depressed and tired, didn't even feel like working out or doing anything. I just lied down in bed, listening to music, drowning in my sorrow, thinking about girls, Wahl especially. Thinking about how depressing it is when you are in love with someone and would do anything for them, but they just don't like you back. It suck. I just thought about how unworthy I was, maybe I'm too ugly and thoughts like that.
Then I just fell asleep, for a few more hours. There was no electricity or anything at home, so I really couldn't even do much. Yeah I could have worked out, but I was too sad for that. I wasn't going to work out while sad, that's extremely hard.
Anyway, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. When I woke up, it was around 3 PM, and there was still no electricity. I'm not sure what I did, but after around 30 minutes, the electricity came back. Woohoo! That was cool. I was still too depressed to do anything though, and I was happy with the day ending without me having done any of my dailies.
Still, I'm not sure what compelled me to do this, but I decided to walk outside in the neighborhood again. Why did I do this when I was feeling down? I'm not really sure. It was a great decision though, this walk would turn my entire life around. Oh yeah, I was also contemplating about having no friends, and thoughts like that. I was really depressed.
So I walk outside for an hour, and I'm listening to different podcasts, audiobooks, music. I learned to embrace this feeling of depression and sadness, and to use it to make me feel alive. Instead of feeling sad about being depressed, I felt joyful about being depressed instead, because I knew I was living and having all these feelings is a blessing. I thought about my past, 10 years ago, and how far I have come since then. I've had a lot of depressive bouts throughout my entire life, and I reminisced about those days, and how I can never relive them again.
I thought about how I should just be grateful about my life, and yeah, I felt happy walking. I felt really good from walking. I changed my entire mindset by reframing my depression into a positive. Isn't that cool?
When I got back home, I was feeling grateful and joyful. I already had a plan for my life, I had all these workouts I was supposed to do, all for the benefit of my life. I also had brain training, and some vegan activism that I had to do as well, to give my brain some activity, and to give my life a purpose.
Even though I was tired, I pushed myself to do my workouts. Yesterday actually, I didn't write an entry for yesterday, but nothing special happened except I worked and I set a new record for max pull-ups, which is 12 now. Today, I went about trying to set a new chin-ups max record, which I also accomplished and did 12 of. Awesome.
Then I completed the rest of my workouts, which was extremely tiring. I would have honestly preferred doing nothing than working out. It's so annoying and tiring exercising, right? But I knew I had to to my exercises for a good life. I listened to some rock Japanese songs to motivate me though, specifically Tadahitori by Bakudan Johnny, I have no idea what they're saying but the song always hypes me up. It's a great workout song.
Yeah, I did 20 pull-ups, 20 chin-ups, 40 push-ups, 40 squats, 40 leg raises, 40 crunches, 40 side-crunches, 40 bicycle kicks. Do you know how exhausting these workouts were? Especially when I was depressed and pushed myself to do them anyway? I mean yeah, I wrote about how I felt joyful, and mentally I did, but my body and energy levels were still extremely low. The ironic thing, is that my body felt high energy after finishing the workouts. Anyway, I did them.
After the workouts, I took a shower, and then texted Mary and Ami, and then read some books for a bit. Then I went on X and posted another before / after photo, this time of my face. Then I did my brain training. The brain training was annoying to do too, but I did them, while listening to Stereo Love Molella Remix and the original, over and over. Even though I'm in the 99th percentile for all of the brain training games that I play, I set several new personal records in a bunch of brain tasks. Insane. It's cool that I'm still improving though.
Then yeah, I worked on some other dailies, and now I have completed them all. The last one is this journal entry. I got a perfect day today. Insane. My last perfect day was on Monday, so it's really rare for me to do all of my dailies. I mean I do get my workouts and brain training tasks done, but I have a bunch of other self-accountability ones such as no screens in my bedroom, and other ones. Today I actually made an exception too, and allowed screens in my room because the power was out. I won't count it against me.
Anyway, what a roller coaster of a day. If there was anything I learned today, it was that we set the mood for the day, and we decide on how the day will turn out. It's up to us. The externals don't matter all that much. I mean yeah, I had full freedom today, I didn't have any work or anything, no one was telling me what to do and I didn't have anything scheduled, but I still felt sad. I was only able to find joy after thinking about it and deciding to feel joy. I was able to do all my dailies because I decided to do them. I could have just watched anime instead, but I didn't. I made good choices today.
Anyway, that was my day today.
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