7:26 AM (of Tuesday, July 14th 2020)
Morning Cramming and Exam
Today is Monday, July 13th 2020 and it went by a bit faster than normal. Well, maybe. There was a bunch of stuff I've been studying a week for, spending almost entire days just studying. It was supposed to be for an exam I would take last night (Sunday), but I felt sleepy from studying a lot and "messing up" twice yesterday, and so I put it off to take it first thing this morning. I fell asleep last night at maybe 10 or 11 PM, it was pretty early compared to my other sleep times, and I woke up at around 4:30 AM this morning without any alarms. I woke up early instinctually because I knew I wasn't prepared, and I had to cram more.
There was just a bit more I had to study for, some concepts I learned but still didn't fully understand, and so I studied and crammed a bit more until around 7 AM. Work would start at 9 so that gave me at least 2 hours to do the test. Anyway I just took the test and did my best, I didn't think it was hard, and I think I answered the questions correctly. Anyway this is just the first part, I've got a lot more to study for.
After that work started and I just worked on some normal things. Yeah work was alright I guess.
After that is when time really went by quickly. I didn't have as much concern for studying anymore, although I'm not done studying yet since I really want to nail some concepts forever. It went quickly because I didn't go out for a walk or a run today, and I could have. Instead, it got dark a bit faster than normal, because it wasn't supposed to be that dark at 7 PM, but it was today, probably due more to the clouds than the sun going under the horizon, but that was my excuse for staying in. And when I stayed in I didn't do much else.
I browsed the Internet on "relevant" topics, but I wasn't studying directly. Yeah I would say there wasn't any big super wastes of time I did last night, like I didn't watch anything "entertaining". I did text a friend for a while. I talked to @lays_chips about my high MCV result on my blood panel, and learned that I needed to get my MMA tested this year to see if my B12 is low.
Masters of Not Messing Up
Regarding "messing up" or relapsing, I did mess up again today. Just from memory I messed up once today, twice yesterday, once before that, and I think four times before that, did great by not messing up the next previous day, but then I messed up four times on the first day I messed up. That's 12 times in 6 days. Concerned about messing up again, I searched for some true "masters" or examples of people who never messed up for years or even more than a decade. Were there even any examples? From what I understood, this sample size of people not messing up would be a very tiny handful.
An Offensive and Controversial Site
From a search I encountered a website that had some deeper-than-normal articles related to messing up, although the site itself didn't only write of this topic. It had some very controversial opinions which I was so intrigued by that I couldn't help but read through them. Just some controversial ideas and thoughts on topics like sports, drugs, kids, education, and topics related to messing up. They do make some good points on some these, and some ideas aren't controversial, like they do disagree with drugs, they're just a bit offensive in the way they state their opinions. They also promote vegetarianism which I give them a thumbs up for.
Anyway this site actually posted several studies related to messing up and its effects on a single page, which is a first. I've visited lots of other sites related to messing up, and read through a few books on messing up, but they had no studies! I even read a book that was supposedly by the foremost expert on the topic, but the entire book was just a bunch of opinions and anecdotes. I do agree messing up is bad, but almost everything thing I've read so far on it was useless. Well, this site posted actual studies about its effects, which really make me want to stop messing up for good. Apparently some of the site's members have not messed up for years or even decades.
Anyway I'm not posting the site because it does contain some controversial and offensive materials. The site makes fun of certain religions, certain people and celebrities, has violent photos, and in general just too much brash inappropriate content for most people. Very interesting that I stumbled across such a site though, I've been to lots of other sites that had content related to messing up, and they were mostly about personal growth and philosophy for self-actualization. This site was not at all like that.
I was awake reading through some of their content and fell asleep at around 12:30 AM.
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