As Good as it Gets

Keeping up a daily diary is not as easy as one might think. It’s not as simple as just putting your thoughts down onto paper. Sometimes I don’t have any thoughts at all, or at least no way of putting them into words.

Today was one of those that is truly exhausting, and it’s nearing 10PM and not yet over, because I still need to write this journal entry… I don’t know if anyone has a job as rage-inducing as teacher’s have. Does anyone else’s job make them so angry on a weekly basis they have to shout their throat raw? I don’t even need to be angry to do that to be honest. It just takes 4 noisy classes in a row and then I’m screwed. I walk down the school corridors from my classroom back to the office and mentally write my resignation letter, even though I know I have no other option but to continue working as a teacher.

It’s my relationship that suffers the most in the end. I use up all my energy at work, I spend every shred of it on the students and on getting my tasks done that when I get home I’m running on empty. I have no energy to sit and share my day, or listen to my boyfriend talk about his, and all I want to do is eat food to sustain me until morning, let my mind melt in front of the TV for a while and then send myself to sleep. I’m becoming more and more like my mother every day, all I need now is the daily glass of red wine and the picture is complete.

I ask myself every day, what else could I do? How can I get out of this situation? How can I find a better life? Alas, this is probably the best it will ever get for me. I have no better prospects and I need to learn to be more grateful for what I have.