Worked and More Black Pill, LooksMaxxing

6:40 AM (of Tuesday, March 11th, 2025)

Today is Monday, March 10th, 2025, and I basically just worked most of the day. Yesterday I stopped my fasting and planned on restarting a fast again today, but I ended up eating again, just edamame and dried fruits though.

Other than walking outside in the morning, which is now a normal habit for me, the rest of the day I was just at home and just worked on my computer. I got a fair and satisfactory amount of work done. I like it when the task actually requires me to think and use my cognitive abilities a little, making me look through and analyze complicated lines of code. I am a programmer and business owner, and just like any other line of work, after you do it for a while, everything starts to feel the same and repetitive. Today though, I had some tasks that made me use my noggin a little, and that was satisfying figuring it out.

After work I watched and listened to more black pill content. I am just really getting into it, and I kind of wish I discovered this stuff earlier when I was in my teens instead of now in my 30s. This content really wasn't around during that time though, Tinder wasn't even around either, this black pill stuff didn't really pick up until the 2020s. The black pill just emphasizes looks over everything. Looks, looks, looks, it's all about appearance. In the real world it's not really the end-all-be-all, but the videos and content I've seen emphasize it as basically the only thing that matters.

I've also seen videos comparing "Chad" to an average "normie", and these are Gen-Z terms, they're cool, I like them. In black pill terms, Chad is an attractive 8/10 guy. 8/10 is the perfect score by the way, no one is higher, it doesn't matter who, the most attractive people ever are 8/10. Normies are 5 or 6 out of 10, pretty much everyone falls into this category, I am considered a normie. Then there's the "incel" level which is 4/10 and below, these are called the "sub 5s", and 2 is the lowest level, it doesn't matter who, the ugliest people are 2/10.

A lot of the black pill content are made by people who consider themselves "sub 5s" and "incels", and these are people who have never hugged, kissed, held hands, and obviously are virgins. I watched content from these "doomers" mainly the other day, that's all the kind of content I absorbed from the black pill, was from the sub 5 doomers. It's interesting to get their perspective on things. I watched videos from "Dbdr" and "Rehab Room" both of them consider themselves sub5.

The black pill falls under the "manosphere" and so does the red pill and blue pill. These terms are annoying, but the red pill says you can improve your chances with women by focusing on Looks, Money, and Status or LMS, while the black pill says Looks are the only thing that matters. I think both of them have their points and you can find arguments for both sides, but I lean more towards the black pill where looks are the only thing that matters.

Now I fully understand all of the lingo and everything about the black pill, red pill, incels, mgtows, alpha male, sigma male, and so on. These different manosphere camps all hate each other and make fun of each other, they make videos about each other about how their beliefs are wrong, and so on. It's so interesting.

Anyway, they did experiments and even a chad, an 8/10 perfect guy, only has a 0.004% chance of getting a date, 4 dates out of 1019 right swipes on a dating app, while an above average "normie" has 0.0004% chance, or 3 dates out of 8000 right swipes. That's kind of insane. To be fair, the "chad" didn't really even try, and didn't try to message every woman nor set up dates with them, while the normie guy did.

I wonder how my own chances are so much better then? I only have around like 20 matches on Veggly (received around 200 likes though), and I went on dates with at least five women, one became a girlfriend, at least 4 of them have visited and slept over at my place. This is from what I can remember, in 2 years of sparingly using the app. It's not a lot and I am not bragging about it, and I hope I can do a lot better now. These are with older pictures too, all of them when I was overweight and obese. I never became normal BMI in my entire teens and adult life until just this year. This is the first time I've had normal BMI in probably 2 decades, seriously.

I've also tried Tinder and OKCupid back in the day, in the 2015s era, and I had very few matches and dates on them. I was overweight and obese at the time, and all of my photos were pretty terrible and uninteresting, yet I still had some matches somehow and went on dates with women. I sort of miss them, I know at least one girl fell in love with me, she'd send me heart emojis and selfies, I don't even remember most of their names, I barely remember the dates too. I didn't use Tinder again until 2021, and I had 11 matches, I did set up dates on them as well, but didn't go on any dates, they'd ghost after a while.

My first kiss was someone who asked me out, not on any dating apps, this was probably in 2015, she was not vegan. Still probably my most memorable and favorite kiss in my life so far, just because the first is always so memorable. We basically had a relationship, maybe in the short term, though she was very irresponsible and I didn't like that quality about her. I wouldn't have my first girlfriend until 27 though, and they asked me out first too, after a few dates they asked me if I wanted to be bf/gf with them. Not sure what they saw in me. I was younger in my 20s both times, so I had a much more youthful face. Even though I am lighter now with a lower BMI and body fat % than ever, I am also older now than ever. I do look younger now than when I was 27 though, I'd say.

There are basically no Chads in their 30s, most Chads in their 20s eventually lose their looks, seriously. I was pretty surprised by this finding, because people say men age like wine, but it's not true. This is my insecurity and why I wish I discovered Looksmaxxing and the black pill in my teens, then I could have focused so much more on improving my appearance when I was younger. I don't know if I'll ever look great now, and even if I don't, even with all my effort, I just have to accept it.

Looksmaxxing is just improving your appearance. I've heard the word before, but dismissed it as not mattering all that much. That was, until I discovered the black pill a few days ago, in which it emphasizes how important looks were in life. I've gotten this far in life without caring about appearance at all, but that might just be because I am a normie, maybe even an above average normie in the face, hence why women have asked me out. I don't even know how to bring about interest in women, I don't know what I did to bring up interest from women or else I'd try and recreate it, but it's looks apparently, according to the black pill.

Since I'm in my 30s now and can't turn back time, I just have to deal with whatever I end up as after I lose more weight and body fat %. According to Looksmaxxing advice, the most important is to get to 10% or lower body fat %. In fact, one advice I listened to, the guy called anyone above 12% body fat, fat. I think it's true and I agree. I am around 15% body fat right now, and I still consider myself fat even though I am normal BMI. I still have a fat stomach, with lots of fat around it, my thighs are fat, and there's juts fat everywhere. Apparently my face is supposed to improve a lot after getting to 10% body fat, so I am very curious as to what that will look like.

After I finished my fast last month and was at 155 pounds, my face was gaunt. I had hollow cheeks. I searched for the phrase "hollow cheeks" online, and all I got were guides on how to get hollow cheeks. I thought I looked very thin and emaciated, but apparently a lot of people want this look. It's also a look a lot of Chads have apparently, but they combine it with a strong looking face.

I want abs. That's mainly what I want. It's something I've wanted ever since I was 27, and there was this other woman who was interested in me. She was not vegan, not from any dating apps, someone who had a crush on me in high school. I don't know what she saw in me since I was like 210 to 220 pounds, and obese, but she liked me still. Months earlier I had an ex-gf at the time too, and she dated me while I was like 230 pounds, extremely obese, and she asked me out first too. I don't know what these people saw in me.

Anyway, this woman, blonde, who had a long term crush on me, she stayed with me for a week, and we went out on dates and had fun multiple times a day, she said she liked abs the most in men. I had nothing close to abs, I had an obese stomach and obese face, obese everything. Even in my lightest back in 2016-2019, I was 170 pounds, still above 25 BMI, still considered overweight, but in my opinion, I looked good during those years. Despite being fat, having a high body fat %, I was very young, in my early 20s, and I looked really good I think, everywhere. Back then I've had women come up to me smiling and laughing all interested, inviting me to events, or initiating messaging me. I don't know if I can ever experience that ever again, ever, because I am older now.

So yeah, ever since she told me about abs, we both looked at photos of men with abs together, and she was so into them, complimenting them, saying lots of erotic things about them. That's when I knew I wanted abs. The problem was that I was obese. Even 3 years later, not much has changed. I still don't have abs. I am much older now too.

Age is my main insecurity. It's not my race or my face or my height, I'm happy with all of them, even if I don't score that greatly in them, though I think I have a decent face. If not my face, what else were women interested in? Why did any woman ask me out or initiate relationships with me, even when I was obese, if not for my face? I don't know any other explanation. I don't even know why they were ever interested in me either since I never asked, but I'm pretty sure it was my face, I don't have anything other reason to explain it.

Women love faces, and mine has been covered with fat this whole time. Even right now. Until I can get to 10-12% body fat, I don't know what my "true face" will look like. If I get to 10-12% body fat too, my abs will show themselves. Last month I did over 600 leg raises, over 600 crunches, over 600 side crunches, over 600 bicycle kicks to train my abs. I mean hopefully these have some results. I can't see them though because I am still so fat, just so fat.

Oh yeah, Wahl has abs, the most visible abs I've seen on any woman. She is extremely hot, the hottest woman I've talked to and that I've dated, and went out on dates with. We have never kissed, never made love, but we've held hands a lot, I've kissed her a few times on her face, we've slept in the same bed together and cuddled and spooned, without "sleeping together." She let me feel her body and it's so amazing. She's my primary motivation in getting abs. I'm already in love with her and I've told her that, I told her that I love her and would do anything for her, in real life and in text, she says we are better off as friends. I'm kinda hoping that if I get abs too, that she can consider me again, because she did initially. She's only seen me at 180+ pounds though, not at my 160 pound weight now, and not with any abs.

I don't know if getting abs will help me at all. I don't know if it'll help me in seeing Wahl ever again either. My ex-gf Mary is pretty hot too. She is the most successful woman I've ever dated, she makes six figures, comes from a multi-millionaire family whose parents own multiple million dollar properties. I also don't know if I will ever see either ever again, but I do want to have abs, so I can show off to both of them. I'm still in contact with both of them. I love both of them. Both Wahl and Mary are vegan too. I think the main thing attracting me to Wahl are her abs. If Mary was as fit and had abs too, I would bow down and dedicate my entire life to her. I love abs.

So yeah, this is why I'm happy with my situation. I've been with multiple women even as an overweight and obese individual. I've listened to these black pill "incels" and how they have never been on a date, never even held hands or kissed, and here I am having been asked out by women, even though I was overweight and obese. Being overweight and obese made me a "sub5", someone below a 5 out of 10 rating, or a goblin or an ogre, that's what they call sub5s, and yet I was asked out and dated. I don't know how. I don't have any explanation for it.

My race is supposed to be the lowest tier race for males too, the least desirable Asian male. My height is average. I think my face carries me, or else I don't have any other explanation for my dating "success," which I think isn't much, but compared to "incels", I have achieved a lot of their dreams. Okay, admittedly, if I go up to some random place and there's a lot of women, and there's other guys there, most women will probably not pick me. That's fine. I'm not a chad. Hopefully I might become a chad or chadlite if I can get to 10-12% body fat though. We don't need every single woman to like us, if there's a few that like us, that's all the difference that matters, and that's how I've experienced my success.

Anyway, I don't even know if I will have any more success ever again with women in the future. I still haven't gone on any dates yet with my new sub 160 weight and 15% body fat. If I get on any dating apps now, I will probably be ignored, just like most people. Actually, I haven't even met any new women since my new weight. I haven't even met any new people, no new guys either, since my new weight. My parents haven't seen me in this new weight yet. No one in my entire family members have seen me in this new weight. Probably near 0% of everyone I have ever met, has ever seen me with normal BMI. Only three friends have seen me in this new weight, and normal BMI.

So because time is fleeting, I decided to fast again tonight. At night time, I ate one last meal at around 10 PM, I don't remember the exact time. Let me check. 10:22 PM. I ate one last meal at 10:22 PM and decided that because time is short and that I need results asap, and I am not getting any younger, I decided to fast again. I'm fasting for 4 days or 96 hours, I might even make it to 100 hours. Either way, I have a lot of fat left to lose. So much fat and weight left to lose.

Anyway, that was my day today.