Worked, Bought Stuff at Wal-Mart, Ghostings

11:27 PM

There are some days where I experience this effect of no one messaging me, and there are also days when I experience the opposite, of when people keep messaging me. Like when I was fasting a few months ago, people randomly messaged me during that period, people I had never talked to in years, people I rarely talk to, they just randomly reached out to me in the last half of January.

Today I experienced no one messaging me, I felt ghosted in fact. Yesterday or the day before, I reached out to people, asking them if they wanted to talk via voice sometime. They all said yeah, these are all women that I messaged by the way. Just random people online I'd talk to every now and then, but through texting only. Today, just ghosts... One person left me on unread, they just never opened the message, another left me on seen, another gave me a thumbs up. Uhh...?

This makes me feel super depressed and rejected. I reached out to Mary recently and she said she was free to meet up again on Monday. I try to set up the time, and she never responded, this was a few days ago. Ami, a guy who always used to read and respond quickly, I asked him if I was ugly and told him I was tired of having a body fat % over 12 and not having abs, and he never responded, just left me on read. Wahl also hasn't responded in a while, probably also rejected. Then I have this other friend who I messaged saying welcome back to PR, and he just gave me a thumbs up too.

Who can I even reach out to? I posted in the DMV vegan group if anyone wanted to meet up to do some hiking or whatever, and I got a few people liking and posting comments, a woman sent me a friend request, several women showed interest too. I messaged them a few days ago, none responded, not even the person who sent me a friend request. Granted, I did just message them with "Hi", so that's probably not the best opener to this, since they might not know the context of me having posted if anyone wanted to go hiking and them showing interest, they might just think I'm a random spammer.

What makes me feel better is going through Reddit and reading through people's similar experiences, to make sure I'm not the only one going invisible and feeling forgotten and unwanted and ugly or whatever. Yeah this is probably one of the most brutal posts I've read, but someone said to their close friend that they wanted to kill themselves, and then they responded with "record a video." I can't find the post now, but it's wild. Okay I just found it by looking through my history, yeah, it's wild. Other people posted similar stories like texting their therapist about it and being left on seen, and people relating such as saying the same thing to someone, and they ignore it or just say something meaningless in return.

I think Reddit is awesome for shared experiences. I have never posted a single personal thing like this on Reddit by the way. If I had to make a post though, it would probably be something like:

"No one seems to care. I messaged several of my friends and no one responds, I just get left on seen or read. All I want is people to talk to, but no one is interested."

Something like that.

What I hate about the black pill, is that it blames all of this on looks. If I were a hot 10/10 dude, according to the black pill theory, I would never get left on seen or read, and women would be messaging me constantly, inviting me over, and paying for my everything. Is this true? I've seen enough videos where it does happen. It's insane how it happens, it actually happens, several attractive women going up to guys and asking them out in the span of an hour. They don't even have to do anything, they just sit there and the women come, the women love them automatically just by existing. I can't unsee and unlearn what I saw and learned. It makes me resentful of my own genetics.

The black pill is a great answer to the questions such as "why don't I get any matches on dating apps?" or "why do some guys get lots of women while others get none?" the black pill answers these questions. I mean it should have been obvious all along, but it's not even something I learned until recently, and it's brutal to learn about. It's all about looks. Some guys are just so much more attractive than other guys that all women go for them.

Women are extremely selective about who they end up with, because they can only get pregnant a few times, so they are choosy about who's baby they get pregnant with. So basically, there is this monopoly of women going for the most attractive men, while the rest are ignored. Anyone average looking and below, are basically ignored by women, according to the theory anyway. I don't think it's true, because I have seen all sorts of relationships in real life myself.

Oh. So in the black pill video comments, people post about their experiences with women and other people in real life. Some people post that others don't smile at them, that they have a disgusted "get away from me" kind of look instead. It's instinctual and automatic from people who gaze upon an unattractive face or person, they can't help themselves. So this might not be such a big deal, but I was at Wal-Mart tonight, mainly to buy some duct tape but I also ended up buying frozen vegetables and vegan meat alternatives just because. I walked by an attractive woman, barely making any eye contact, and she smiled at me while making eye contact. Wow. That's such a cool sign to get.

I pretty much always get smiles when I make eye contact with women though? It's why I'm highlighting this now, because I've never really thought about this enough. Apparently some people, such as some of those in the black pill community, never get any smiles at all. That's pretty interesting. I guess based on that, I'm not entirely ugly?

Anyway, super tired. Yeah I might have behaved and thought weird today, but I've been infected with the black pill and lookism. I'm now paying more attention to my appearance more than ever. I actually used a skin care routine tonight and the past few nights, whereas I had never done it before at all. I also bought some castor oil at Wal-Mart tonight, and I applied that to my eye brows, scalp, and beard. Apparently it can help grow more hair? We'll see.

Anyway, I'm super sleepy.