Her Entire Face Lit Up

6:34 PM

Today I flew back to Virginia. I woke up at around 4 AM, after falling asleep at around 1 AM. Yeah I barely got any sleep. I had to pack up and get some things ready, I only had to bring my laptops with me anyway. I have clothes, toothbrushes, chargers and other things at my parent's home in Virginia, so I don't have to bring much.

The Uber ride to the airport was smooth, no traffic since I left at around 5 AM. Usually there is a ton of traffic in Puerto Rico at all times, just not very early in the morning. The airport was packed though, it took around 30 minutes to get through the security line. It was packed, the entire place was swarming with people.

After getting through security and arriving at my gate, I was there around 50 minutes before boarding, so there was a lot of time to kill. I think I mainly just browsed the Internet on my phone, making some vegan posts on social media, and listening to music. My group is always the last to get on, because I go for the cheapest economy seats with no carry-ons and don't assign myself any seats. The flight to Virginia was only like $120 or something like that. Super affordable.

Even when my group was called up, I stayed seated at the gate because the line was still long. After a few minutes, I got up and got in line. This is where the title of the entry comes from, her entire face lit up. I was standing in line, at the very end. There just happened to be a pillar at the end of the line, so I leaned up against it, and the distance between me and the person in front of me, was slightly more than what the normal distance between two people in line should be. So there was a small gap between the guy ahead of me and I.

So I was standing there, and from behind me, a young attractive woman from my right and says "excuse me, are you in line?" I turned around to face her and when I first saw her face, her eyes were closed in a blink, she had a very inquisitive neutral expression, just asking the question. She wasn't smiling or anything. As soon as she opened her eyes and we made eye contact, her entire face lit up into a bright smile as soon as she saw my face. I answered her that yeah I was in line, and she got in line behind me. All of this probably happened in less than a second, but yeah I know what I saw and this is accurate. I recorded this memory forever from the moment it happened.

I've been listening to DBDR, who is a blackpill "incel" narrator who tells stories about his life. He was very popular on YouTube until someone revealed his face, and then he deleted his account. Other people have re-uploaded his videos though, and I have sometimes listened to his narration while working or doing some other things. He shares stories of his experiences with women, and they do not smile when they see him. It's the same with "Rehab Room", who also shares some experiences with women he's had. And I've also been reading the comment sections of these videos, and people post the same things.

So that's why I'm so hyper-aware of a woman smiling at me. A young attractive woman at that. Anyway I'm not a virgin or anything like that, I've had at least two girlfriends, there are women who have had crushes on me, etc. But, listening to these other guy's experiences with women, these guys are touchless, kissless, hugless, virgins. They haven't even touched a girl basically. So, listening to their content a lot, they talk with so much fervor that I start to think everyone has the same experiences as them. So this young attractive woman smiling at me today, her entire face being lit up to the happiest expression I've ever seen after seeing my face, that really validated that I am not ugly, and perhaps I'm even attractive.

The problem that DBDR and Rehab Room both have, is that they both consider themselves "sub 5s", as in, below a 5 out of 10 rating on a looks scale. The sub 5s, according to them, are treated like goblins by women. I've read the comments, and people post their experiences of how they are treated. Women do not smile at them, women scowl at them. It's all intuitive and unconscious behavior as well, I don't think the women are doing it intentionally, but these guys are really just not good looking at all, that they actually repel women.

There are enough videos of this around too. Two people making the same exact "I am a photographer, can I take a photo of you?" approach, the main difference is one is a handsome guy, and the other is a sub 5. The sub 5 gets rejected 99% of the time, and the handsome guy gets accepted around 90% of the time, with women complimenting him on his looks, even flirting and making sexual jokes. I'm not even joking, this stuff is brutal to watch, because it's reality. It's a reality I didn't know until recently.

The women literally fear the sub 5 approaching them. They even run away, or take steps back as the guy is walking towards them. I'm not even joking. It's so brutal to watch. Meanwhile the handsome man gets complimented, invited out to drinks, gets approval 90% of the time. The behavior difference is huge. It's startlingly huge. Do you know what? From these videos, I fit more into the handsome mans situation than the sub 5's, although I did not really approach any woman, at least no woman backs away from me, and women even smile at me.

So thankfully, thank you universe, God, the Lord, thank you for not cursing me to be a sub 5. I am an atheist too, but I just have to thank fortune, serendipity, the cosmos, luck, God, thank them that I am who I am, because appearance is something nearly impossible to change. Thank you. A woman smiled at me today. Her entire face lit up the second she saw my face. I'm not making it up either. She went from a neutral expression, to basically the happiest expression I've ever seen on a stranger. I have a snapshot of her face in my head, because she was right next to me as I turned around. I didn't plan for this to happen either, it just did.

On the plane too, I sat next to two attractive women. I had the middle seat, and on my left and right, were two young attractive brunettes. Yeah. Both of them weren't disgusted by me either. When I first sat down, the woman on my right next to the window actually took off her headphones, they were these massive things, and she held them in her hands for a while, as if waiting for me to talk to her, and then she put them back on when she realized I wasn't going to say anything. I'm not making that part up either, it really happened.

She had headphones on, she didn't have to get up or anything since she was by the window, the woman who had the lane seat got up to let me in, and the girl next to the window took off her headphones, and just held them while I was putting my stuff under the seat in front of me and getting my seat belt on. I'm very observant of these things, more now than ever after listening to all the black pill content, and this really happened. I think she tried to look at me and make eye contact too, but she didn't.

Since I had the middle seat, I put my arms on the armrest on my sides. I'm wider than both of the women, so I took up more of the space, although at times I did let them get the armrest. Anyway, during different times, they would fall asleep, I would fall asleep, sometimes my arms would be on the armrest, sometimes I'm crossing my arms. They were so comfortable with our arms touching, they would leave it when they did. I was fine with our arms touching too, so I didn't move it when they touched. At different times too, they would lean on my arms, possibly intentionally, since they would put quite some weight on it. I was happy with that experience. I think that was so cool. I'm so happy they felt comfortable around me.

In 2017 or 2018 or so, I remember I sat next to this woman on the plane. She was extremely attractive, European blonde, and thin. I think it was a flight from Iceland. Anyway, I was like 23 or 24 at the time, very young, and 170 pounds, very handsome I think. There was a very attractive co-worker who had a crush on me and invited me to events after work, I'm an idiot for not going, I regret not going. I thought she was so hot too, she was so my type. Why didn't I go? I regret not being young anymore.

Anyway, in 2017 or 2018, I sat next to this attractive woman on a plane. We were both wearing short sleeve shirts, so our skin would touch if we touched each other, and we figuratively held hands. We didn't literally hold hands, but, we both had these blankets, and I put one on me, and I don't know how this happened, but basically our arms were touching the whole flight underneath our blankets. Every time I turned my face to look at her, she would look forward, and just smile.

She never looked my direction or anything, but yeah, the whole flight, I was making this sort of intimate contact with an attractive stranger. We were both fine with it by the way, if she was bothered, she would have moved her arm or told me to stop getting so close, but our skin was literally touching for the whole flight, and we just shared our warmth with each other. This is a true story.

Today's flight reminded me of that, with the women I sat next to somewhat sometimes leaning on me during the flight. It could be entirely accidental or coincidental by the way, I'm not implying that they liked me or had a crush on me, just that they were comfortable with getting close to me and making physical contact. Because yeah, you do feel some intimate connection when someone leans on you a little, or maybe that's just me.

I still have never ridden on a plane next to a girlfriend or girl I know, but one of my wishes is to one day be able to lift up the arm rest, and just have the girl resting on me on the plane ride. I've had this experience on boats, cars, trains, vans, and it's so fun to cuddle up, but I just never experienced this on a plane. When Wahl and I rode on the same plane together, we sat in different rows, so we couldn't cuddle up together. This is honestly one of my dreams, to just cuddle up with a girl on a plane legitimately.

Oh yeah, there was a line to the bathroom on the plane as well. I got up, not knowing who was in line because the bathroom was behind me. I stood in line next to a young attractive woman again. She looked like the first woman who smiled at me in line, asking if I was in line. When she turned around and made eye contact with me, she smiled too. She smiled too! I was so happy when she smiled at me. It just feels so validating. Am I attractive? I wouldn't know. But I'm so thankful for these experiences with these women today.

The only thing I regret is that I am older. These women are so attractive and so young, easily in their early 20s. They are so hot and attractive. I feel like an old person in my 30s. It's total shit. I haven't even become my best looking self yet, but I will become my best looking self in my 30s. There's no other choice since I can't be in my 20s anymore.

What does cheer me up though, is that I've seen some young people upload selfies today on Reddit. There's a few subreddits where people post photos of themselves, one of them is r/malegrooming and the other is r/balding. I saw an 18 year old and 20 year old post their selfies today, and in my opinion, I actually look younger than them. Just my opinion though. I am starting to get nasolabial folds, but this 20 year old that posted their selfie, already has one deeper than mine, and I am in my 30s. So that cheered me up a little, knowing that I can possibly still pass for someone in their early 20s.

I am very insecure about my age, life, situation, everything. I miss being in my early 20s. I'll never experience such youthful moments in my life again. I have to make new memories, but now that I'm older, my experiences in attraction will probably be lessened. Yeah it's sad, but nothing I can do about it except to do what I can with what I have as an older person. I don't claim to be attractive, but hopefully I can become attractive some day.

Anyway, my dad picked me up, and I went back to my parent's home in Virginia. I am going to visit my cousins probably tonight. Anyway, that was my day today.