Fasting Day 0 out of ?

11:48 PM

Today is Mary's birthday and I wished her a happy birthday today. She's kind of on and off with replying, she replied to me a bit yesterday, but pretty much just silence today.

Today I focused mainly on my skincare and appearance. I don't even know how the whole day went by. I don't recall doing all that much. I finished some business taxes things last night. I procrastinated on it for so long, but it took me just a few hours to complete it. I'm such an idiot. Why am I procrastinating on anything?

I still have to complete my personal taxes. This is another task that will probably just take me a few hours as well, and then I would be done with it and I don't have to worry about it. Yet I'm still procrastinating. Am I a fool?

What was I doing all day? I did do some work and some chores, some exercises, and I fasted. I actually started fasting yesterday at around 3 PM. I only made it to around 2 PM today, so around 22-23 hours in before giving up my fast. Then after eating a meal, I restarted my fast again at a bit before 5 PM, so now I'm 7 hours in.

I wonder if I will have lost weight when I weigh myself again tomorrow? The result from yesterday, after weighing myself, is that I gained weight. So yeah, I definitely need to keep fasting, or at least limit my caloric intake greatly. Again, this whole time, the past 3+ months since I completed my fast, I haven't gained any weight back, but I also struggle to lose weight, and I want to lose weight.

Chatting with ChatGPT for a bit, it says that Asians should actually have a different BMI scale, because our musculature and bone mass are smaller than Caucasian's. It's true. It's no wonder there are many women under 100 pounds on RedNote, who are around 5'4 or so. Many men are around 5'9" and under 130 pounds on RedNote, and they are not even thin looking, just normal weight looking. I am 160 pounds at 5'9" right now, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I appear overweight. People don't believe it and say that I am already thin enough, but if I were thin, then I would have abs showing, and I wouldn't have so much belly fat, thigh fat, arm fat everywhere.

I think I'm objective with my appearance, other people aren't. Other people want to be kind and not say anything rude. There are many people on RedNote who post pictures and people comment "you look fine" or "you look good" and so on, but in reality, they would benefit a lot from weight loss or some other reality check comment. I have many comments like that on my posts, people commenting that I am already perfect enough, that I don't need to lose anymore weight, saying something such as I should just gain muscle instead. Talking with ChatGPT again, people are wrong about this too. People think that for muscles to appear, one must gain weight, but it's actually the opposite. To have muscles appear, one must lose fat, and to lose fat, one has to lose weight.

So that's why I need to fast again. For my muscles to appear, I must actually weigh around 140 pounds, maybe even around 145 pounds. Then my appearance would drastically improve as well. I have this theory that there is this appearance threshold, where you can be considered an average person from 13% body fat and higher, but then when you cross over to 12% and below, when abs start to show, your rating can jump from a 5 to a 7 or higher.

I commonly get rated a 5 on all my photos, a 5 or 6 or even 4 or lower. Sometimes I'm the lowest rated person in the entire "rate my looks" thread and I don't get why. Not to offend anyone, but there's people with these traits and they do post in these threads, like someone with obesity, deformity, or some other trait that is often viewed as negative, and they can be rated the same or higher than me somehow. It makes no sense.

It's not only me though, sometimes I see genuinely handsome people get rated extremely low, and not great looking people get rated extremely high. There's a guy that used an obvious beauty filter to make him look perfect as possible, and he got rated a 4. I got rated a 2. I think I was rated right after him, which is why I got rated a 2, no one can realistically compare to that face, and I was compared to that face. Then some random person in bad lighting would get rated a 5 or something. I don't get it.

Am I genuinely ugly? Oh, someone actually compared me to Chris Hemsworth though. They were like "Oh you have a handsome face like an American, you look like Chris Hemsworth" and they posted a photo of Chris Hemsworth. But that's rare. People bully me and say "you look like an uncle", which means I give out old person vibes, I got that comment once, and then someone else said I look like Peking Man, some ancient man like Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal. Another comment said it looks like I was born in 1973, meaning I look like I'm in my 50s. It hurts.

I think it's the lack of sleep. I genuinely want to sleep for 8 hours, but I'm unable to. I'm wide awake right now. How I fall asleep is I just fall asleep when I'm tired. I'm still able to type, which means I'm not even close to passing out. That's when I usually go to sleep, when I am so tired I'm about to pass out. Usually that happens when I get bored enough from typing.

But yeah, I did a lot of skincare today. I genuinely hope that my appearance can improve. People keep rating me a 5. It's like 90% of these appearance threads rate me as a 5, average, just exactly average. However, people often get rated higher than me, usually 7 is the highest rating, but I've seen people be rated a 9 or 10, and they don't even look like 9s or 10s to me. Am I just delusional?

So anyway, I believe in this 12% body fat threshold. Everyone else is wrong. Someone can be rated average forever, and then when they hit 12% body fat, they instantly become a 6 or higher, in the face, body, everything. It's just a theory though, one I made up, one that is giving me hope. I think it's true.

I was at 155 pounds temporarily two months ago, and I have videos of myself from that time. Just one video in particular actually. When I watched it, I was like, holy shit my face looks really good there, and I wasn't even at 12% body fat yet. So I think my appearance will improve greatly once I hit 12% body fat, but this is all just theory for now.

I'm also in my 30s, so if I were in my early 20s, then hitting 12% body fat would be an obvious glow up, a peasant to model level transformation. However, being in my 30s, I don't think it can be a model level transformation anymore, but it could be. I'm applying skincare and trying out all sorts of different techniques, the only thing I can't control is sleep. How can I go to sleep? If there was just a button to make me pass out, I would press it.

I'm trying out a lot of different skincare techniques to improve my appearance. Hopefully it works, hopefully it can get me to be someone that looks like they're in their teens or early 20s. It is possible, but very hard to attain. Minoxidil really aged me too, but I am recovering.

Anyway, that was my day today.