May 18, 2025

Mental Health Journey Day 6

Currently listening to: 7 Weeky & 3 Days by yungatita

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The weekend is almost over. Due to health reasons, I wasn't able to do that much. I hate it so much that I struggle with my health. However, I am slowly improving.

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My parents visited me this weekend for the first time after nine months. While I showed my father the city I live in, my mother cleaned my room, because I struggle with cleaning. I appreciated it and made some pancakes for my parents the next day. They showed they understand that I struggle with university. Well, I think they understand it, because they used to work low-paid jobs before they moved to the country where we are currently living.

I recently saw a video where a person showed some statistics on how many people finish college with a certain background/condition. Funnily, I belong to the group of people who struggle a lot with college. I know it now, so I don't feel so bad anymore for needing more time than others. In the end, I will make it!

I also need to do some paperwork. I need to get everything I need to get financial support (again, ugh) and to change my subject of study. It's annoying, but I feel pressured to do it. All I need to do is scan some files and type in some information. It's easy, but it's annoying to get off the platform where I need to upload these files. I might do it next week.

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(Mental) health:

It's an annoying topic. It has been bothering me for at least 70% of my life. I need a break! Yesterday, I yelled at a friend of mine because I felt extremely scared. Later, I talked to him about it. He understood why I had done it, nevertheless, I still feel scared that he might hate me for it. I was writing down some notes to explain my whole situation, because I am dealing with my triggers. I wonder how I should tell him my triggers. It's one thing, I need to reflect more. I am going to make it!

Besides that, I saw a video today of a neurodivergent woman who explained how therapy never helped her before her diagnosis. I relate a lot to that as a trans person. Before I got my adhd diagnosis, therapy never worked for me. I have better experience with my doctor who prescribes my ADHD meds. I was thinking about going to therapy, because I know what my struggles are right now (for example, internalised ableism), but I am unsure about it. I might do it after I go to the next doctor about another diagnosis. I wonder when I will get the appointment ...

I hate the waiting so much ...

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Conclusion:

  • Small steps, folks! (I wonder how many times I will say it again)
  • Never give up
  • Waiting is painful and annoying

Written by Mysticochan

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