Once upon a time, I actually was a journaler. I have paper notebooks filled with scrawlings from many different eras. I've utilized xanga, livejournal, blogger, tumblr, twitter, and so many other versions of social media journaling. I even have a somewhat recently created google doc meant to act as a digital diary.
I have fallen away for an extremely long time. And yet every single day of my freaking life, there is a voice telling me to journal in the back of my head. I struggle to complete this action.
I feel like journaling is something highly necessary for me and my brain. I have a mind that goes one million miles an hour in one million different directions from the second I am conscious to the second that I fall unconscious. My brain is a constant hum of a beehive times one million.
Here is an attempt at a new form. Every day can be day one. Every step can be step one.
It is for me and my brain and my sanity. It is for those around me who have to put up with me when my beehive brain is overwhelmed.
I currently work a shitty retail job for a shitty wage with shitty hours. It is Tuesday and that is my one agreed upon day that I am not scheduled. Otherwise I am a floater who is utilized as needed. I am being utilized less and less and my free time is growing. I need to find a new job that fills more time. And pays more, of course.
Today I got up and walked Honey Bear the dog for two miles and around forty minutes. We came home and I have petted my three kitties, Titan, Miss Cleo, and Penelope Pussycat. I have tried hard to be productive so far. I have watched a lot of a terrible tv show called Love Island U.S. season 7. I have also watched a good amount of tiktoks. I have drunk definitely too much coffee and some water but definitely not enough water. I just washed all of the animal bowls for food and water and my neck and shoulders are beyond on fire. I am sitting and taking a break but the anxiety of unproductivity is buzzing through me. Digital journaling in a new form can be productive if I believe it to be so.
Am I able to make more than one entry per day or is it one and your done?
I am about to find out. It is nearly 14:30 and I have some time to try and be productive in before my husband Steven is home from his full-time real job.
Till next time, either later today or maybe tomorrow,
TTFN (ta ta for now)
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