castling

It's castle day!

After a resounding Irish breakfast (featuring smoked salmon on soda bread, really good sausages, and black pudding (I had to try it. it's surprisingly okay)), we joined up with our tour group. It's a small group: the three of us plus a family of four (mom, grandma, two kids) and the tour guide, Dave.

Castle #1: Cahir Castle, in the town of Cahir. The town is festooned in blue and yellow flags. Yesterday was the Tipperary-Cork All Ireland Hurling Final, the most serious business, and Tipperary won. (Cahir is in Tipperary.) Dave suggested everything might be shut down because everyone would be out celebrating.

Anyway, the castle. It was squat, brutal, ugly, graceless. A beast of war. The castle tour guide ran through 1700 years of bloody history in a rapidfire monologue. This general failed to take the castle and was beheaded for his incompetence. This general took the castle and killed all the men within, but one woman escaped down a well that led to a secret passage to safety. She later returned with a force and retook the castle. These children were kidnapped by the lords of the castle and held for ransom and murdered if not ransomed. It was immensely entertaining, but even as the guide spoke I could feel the information leaking through my head. No retention. This is why HGR questions whether I have conscious experiences.

Castle #2: Blarney Castle, home of the famous Blarney Stone. Kissing it is said to give you the gift of gab. Unfortunately, the stone is at the top of the castle, which was built with narrow paths for defense, and certainly not built for hordes of tourists marching up the stairs. There was a glacial amusement park-esque line with ETAs of an hour or more to reach the stone. Mom and I noped out. (We weren't going to kiss the stone anyway. Kinda unsanitary, yeah? You know how many other people have kissed that thing?) But Dad was like "We came all this way!" So we left him in line and went to explore the castle grounds. We strolled through the poison garden ("We are poison experts now," said K), had a nice mini-hike in the woods, saw the walled kitchen gardens, got slightly lost, re-oriented with the help of a random mushroom statue on the map, walked to see the historic Blarney House, took photos, and walked back to the castle. By then it was time to leave. Dad texted that he was still in line for the stone.

We waited for him. In the end, he did kiss the stone. But he already had the gift of gab so no one can tell the difference. But he said there was nothing much to see on the way up, so I feel vindicated in leaving.

Castle #3: ...our hotel?!? Not really. It's called the Castle Hotel, but only because it's located near Macroom Castle. (A different tour included a castle stay.)

We walked to see the castle before dinner (past shopfronts festooned in red and white flags for Cork). At first Mom thought the castle was fake because there's just an entrance facade with two cannons positioned cutely outside. Step inside and you're back among modern buildings. But walk farther and you can see the ruins of the castle walls overgrown amidst a path into the forest. It reminds me of the Narnia scene where the children timeskip into the future and discover castle ruins and are horrified to discover it's their castle.

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Pictured: Cahir Castle and Blarney Castle