This isn't really like my other entries, more of just a spew of thoughts. After writing this though I thought to myself, what if I made a book about my experience my story as a psychiatry Survivor. I know there are many out there, many victims of the system who are tired of being silenced and ignored. Maybe my story will give them the courage to speak up as well in a society that, for the most part, puts the mental health system on a high pedestal and fails to protect or provide justice for the people in its care.
I think I might. I think I might write a book for Psychiatry Survivors. Anyway, here is the thought spew.
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"You tried to dim my flame, but I shined brighter. You tried to dull my blade, well keep trying."
This is a quote from my favorite song this week. Very symbolic of how psychiatry tried to shove me into their small minded boxes and they failed to break me.
"I was born to dance, dance. You could never tie strings to my hands, hands....playing all your little games, games, games....I could never be a pu-pu-puppet."
Yet another part/parts of the song that I love. I have learned to accept that these mental health "professionals" are always going to be small minded and biased the instant they see the old scars on my arms. But I do not have to shrink myself down to fit their small minded views and opinions of me.
I will keep being the beautiful, strong, and capable human being that they think I am not. If they cannot see that, they are the ones with the problem. I read a quote once that said "I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it."
Those words ring so true.
After years of battle to be seen as human and worth of help by a system that claims to help and heal but really only creates more and more victims every day, I decided that as long as I keep fighting them, they will keep winning. Because they can label anything.
If you get angry, you have anger or defiance issues. If you shut down and don't talk, you are withdrawn or depressed. I will not continue to participate in a rigged game and I will NOT give these people the satisfaction of them having any amount of control over me.
My soul will never again be poisoned by the foul stain of the mental health system. I will never again allow ANY doctor to reduce me to a file, a number on a page, a subject to be observed and fixed.
I am free, my soul belongs to me and no one else.
Life is too short, and I will be damned if I miss out on enjoying it because I am too busy slaving away for a government that doesn't care, or fighting for scraps from this health system when I deserve the whole loaf.
"Hello to the one that I am now. Guess it didn't go how you planned out, little did you know, I'm my own (creator) and now you get to watch me go, go go...Tried to dim my flame, I burned brighter and you tried to dull my blade well keep trying. And you tried to pull me under, said I was too much, you're just not enough"
Read that last sentence again.
"Said I was too much, you're just not enough"
Let me rephrase that for you, psychiatry.
Psychiatry, you tried to tell me I was too much (too broken) but it was you who was too much (too blind to see my strength, the beauty that lies beneath the ashes, the beauty that has now come to the surface, rising in victory like a powerful Phoenix).
Never forget these words.
I could never be a puppet.
I do not belong to you any more.
I have been wiped clean from your vile stench.
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