July 20, 2020

It is overwhelming

A new page of my life is delivered to my door. Though I didn't order it myself, when it arrived, it didn't strike me till I was at a loss. The most frequent words that I have said recently since I opened up this delivery, were "stop talking/thinking/analysing/judging about it", "stop giving me any adivces", "I am so tired"...

I let go of it, this relationship, since the moment I had it, I considered it as my everything, my world. I can go anywhere with it. Over and over again, arguments, non-sense, miscommunication, misunderstanding, lacking of resisting of the external dirsturbing influences, lacking of patience. Oh god, so exhausting. Let it go. Let it run away, let it end as a pile of junk, where no one will turn to.

Blame, responsibility, growth, lessons, should and shouldn'ts, please all give me a break. I am so tired.

I cut off these strings connecting to this relationship that has linked to the present and leave them behind, as well as the string that was attached to the future. But weirdly, this breaking-up cut off everything that I am or used to be familiar with. Yet, it didn't leave me in a mess, or leave me feeling cold in the back. When I think about the past, I am exhausted, when I think about the future, I have no concrete picture. When I think about the present, I can't decribed where I am. Let me just take a nap. Let me have a good rest.

Weird time. Weird experiences. Weird feeling.

Break through ba !

Use the sword that comes along the delivery

break through a new path

There is nothing to fear

You solidated your most powerful alliance

cut clear what is dragging you behind

Your wish is heard

Your effort will turn into reward

Change my profile, change my status,

I am resting

Written by JlvL

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