1:33 AM
When I wrote about the mid-90s in my previous entry, the 90s really was not that long ago, and yet the world was so drastically different. The Internet was a niche back then, most people never owned a computer, people got their news from a newspaper, no one owned a cell phone, there were no popular websites. Amazon in 1995 was a really plain looking bare minimum website, you can look up images of it online, and now it's 2 trillion dollar company with 1.5 million employees. Facebook too, didn't even start until around 2004, and now they are also a 2 trillion dollar company. From nothing.
People might think that these empires took forever to form and become successful, but they were already successful basically within the first month of their launch. They were already behemoths and leaders in their industry within the first month of their launch. I was there. We were there. We all experienced these websites launching, the iPhone launching, major apps like WhatsApp and Instagram launching, I was one of the earliest members of YouTube too. There is that clip of the founders of YouTube being worried about having no users, but then a month later they had a ton. This all happened in such a short timespan.
I graduated high school back in 2012, and Mark Zuckerberg did back in 2002. At the time, while I was a high school student, Mark was pretty much unknown. It wasn't until 2010 or so that people started learning his name, especially with the movie the Social Network, but people used Facebook for years prior without knowing. I also considered him "much older" than me when I was in high school. Now as an adult myself, I consider him and I as practically the same age. This "age gap" somehow disappears in adulthood.
These people made billions and grew their company into tens of thousands or more employees from nothing. I have managed some people before, but only like 2-5 people at the most. I can't imagine leading a company with over a million people like Jeff Bezos with Amazon. How does something like that even happen? Where did this expertise come from?
And it really is just such a short time period. The past 30 years was not that long ago. Covid too. To me, Covid was a really brief time period. Yeah at the time it was big news and all that, and it lasted a couple of years, but it wasn't very long at all in hindsight.
I'm getting to the age where, and this is really sad, I do not want to continue living like this, but it just seems like life is on repeat and every day is the same repetitive thing over and over. There's practically no difference between now in my life, as compared with 10 months ago. Pretty much identical, although I have lost weight since then as progress. There's this time constriction where the days feel instant. They really feel instant.
Each year back in Elementary school felt like a lifetime. There's periods of time in which I played some games for example, like Survival Project or Ghost Online or Dragon Gem or Tibia or Gunz or Maplestory or Runescape or Coke Music or Habbo Hotel, these are all early 2000s games, or Little Fighter 2. I remember always visiting this site "Download.com", and that's where all the different downloads for anything was located. The period of time in which I played these games, might have lasted a day or two, or a week, but to me, when recollecting my memories, it feels like I was playing these games for years or months.
I really probably only played Survival Project for a few days, and it was that game that inspired me to make videos on YouTube, in which I'd get hundreds of thousands of views while in middle school. What is insane too, is that I can look at the timeline for these videos. It is crazy. I have memories that there must have been months or something between each video, but it was just days. Just days between these videos. What the actual insanity.
Many of the videos are private too, so it's not only the public videos I'm talking about, but the private ones. Like there was this wedding that took place in the game and I recorded it, I knew everyone who took part, but to me it felt like I had known them for months, but it was like 5 days since I met them (another video's upload date was the marker for that) and their wedding. Crazy. Actual insanity. Like I knew these 5+ people in the game, and my recollection of it is that I knew them for months before this wedding took place. In reality it was only 5 days.
Then there's all the different subjects we are taught in school. In my memory we are taught things extremely slowly. In reality, we are taught things at a rapid pace. We pretty much get taught a very important thing, every single day, just crammed into our heads. And we only get taught that once. It's not like every day we learn the same things, the next day we get taught new things. So it's pretty crazy.
I remember in 4th grade my teacher Mrs. Robinson, yes that was her name, I think this was for every year actually, but she had a chart that counted down the school days. There were 180 days of school each year. At the time, those days felt like forever. Summer break also felt like forever. And yet these days and months go by basically instantaneously to me now.
The other day someone asked me if I was married. I'm fucking 32. I mean yeah, okay, at this point in my life I should probably be married. I'm not. To me it feels like I'm still in my early 20s right now, even though I'm not. I'm basically an old person right now, right? Fucking shit. Women around my age start to panic, especially if they want kids. I think the biological clock exists for both men and women. Men become older and I think become less desirable when they get older. The red pill argues that men peak at age 35, but that doesn't make sense to me. My ex-gf was 24 and I was 30. But I think, why would some 22 year old date some 32 year old when people their age are much more attractive?
I still feel like I am 22 myself. I'm not ready for 30s. I don't feel mentally mature enough to be 30. I mean yeah I have lived on my own since age 27, paying off my home, doing all my chores, paying all the bills, doing all the responsibilities. But what the fuck. I'm 32 now? And basically an old person? Holy fuck.
The reality hitting is painful. I am honestly not ready for it.
You must be signed in to post a comment!