Last night and tonight

2:57 AM

Today so far (3 hours in) has mostly been a repeat of what happened last night and yesterday, so I don't have to describe it twice. I fell asleep at around 8-9 PM, this is the same thing that happened last night, and then I woke up at around 12 AM, again same thing that happened last night. I took a shower, cleaned my face, and maintained my hair, the hair care task being a new one I added yesterday. Then I did some chores, such as doing the laundry, or washing the dishes. This is the same thing again as last night.

What's different between last night and tonight I guess, is that last night I sang along to some songs from MadWorld the Wii game while taking care of my face and hair. Some of the songs from that game are really good, the game itself is a work of art, and probably the most violent game of all time. Tonight I continued listening to the audiobook To Pixar and Beyond, which I've read back a few years ago in 2018/2019, while taking care of my face and hair.

It is true that a person can never step into the same river twice, because for one thing the river has flowed, and the other is that the person is now different. Likewise, you can never read the same book twice, because you have changed as a person the next time you read it. This is very true with To Pixar and Beyond for me. I've read it years ago, so I already know everything that happens, but I am interpreting everything completely differently now.

In some ways I've improved, in others I've gotten worse. To Pixar and Beyond is basically a non-fiction storytelling business book about Pixar, involving a lot of Steve Jobs. I didn't read Steve Job's biography until 2022 or 2023, and I didn't understand much about business back in 2019, but now I am understanding and picking up on a lot of things I didn't before. Yeah it is the same exact book, but it's being interpreted differently.

Back then too though, I was a different person. More skilled in some areas, not as skilled in others. We don't necessarily always improve as time goes on, and I admit that. There's a lot of things I was capable of back then, that I may not be capable of now. I was able to program browser games like Minesweeper or Tic-Tac-Toe, or make a calculator, with graphics made the same day, in Javascript, in just a few hours, back then. I know because I did these things back then, and they were really good. Now? I don't think I can do that now. I'm obviously not an idiot, but right now I wouldn't even know where to start. I had knowledge back then I don't have anymore, I forgot them because I haven't used them in years.

I made those games back then as a challenge, and they were so easy to make. I made them in just an afternoon. Everything clicked so easily and I was just making them without even much thought or deliberation. I'm trying to brainstorm now on how I even did that. The Tic-Tac-Toe would be easy, but I don't even recall how to properly draw a grid like how a Tic-Tac-Toe box would be, actually I do recall now. Yeah, I think a Tic-Tac-Toe game would be doable. Minesweeper though, how did I make it so that it would clear out all clear tiles? Do some breadth-first-search algorithm? I used to program those intuitively, never had to look up any tutorial on how to do it, it just seemed obvious. I don't remember anything now.

Of course if I wanted to challenge myself, I could just work on these game projects right now and I'd probably be able to re-learn everything. But I'm so busy. I have so many other things to do, with urgent due dates, tasks that stress me out, that I cannot really focus on something like that, not with these tasks looming over. So this is what happens. This is how people become dullards. No time to challenge one's self, busy with other things. I actually have all the free time in the world, but because I procrastinate, I don't.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep. Then I have a bunch of work stuff for tomorrow.