Went To A Party, Two Girls Made Eye Contact and Smiled, No One Called Me A Monster or a Freak

11:59 Pm

Today was a pretty good day. I attended a party I was invited to, in a fancy neighborhood. It sucks that I am not well connected with that many people, while it seems like everyone in these wealthy neighborhoods are all connected to each other. They all just know each other and talk to each other, they can walk outside without locking their doors. This fancy neighborhood I went to had double gates, two security gates that you had to go through, one was to enter the general area, and then another for that specific neighborhood. This is the first time I've seen that.

The homes there are expensive, probably $1 million minimum per home, is my estimate, though I have no idea. I am invited to another party on Thursday or Friday, at the fanciest neighborhood on the island, literally the most luxurious neighborhood on the island with the wealthiest elites, and the homes there are $5 million each minimum. I have looked at the prices there since I was curious, and yes, it is that expensive.

Anyway, it was a cool party. The first social event I had been to in a long time since experiencing significant skin aging from minoxidil, and really thinning my face from fasting which affected my smile. I am now trying to regain weight, so that I can regain weight on my face, so that hopefully my old smile can return. I am not sure if this will work of course, this is just my plan.

I talked to a bunch of people at the party. When I first entered, basically the entire spotlight was on me. People were standing around with some drink and snacks, and talking to each other, I come in sort of late, like 20 minutes after the party was scheduled, and the host greeted me, and other people started to greet me, I shook hands with a bunch of people and said my name a bunch of times.

I rarely talk out loud and so my voice doesn't get much use, my voice was pretty weak talking to people if I am being honest. This is why I have singing a song as one of my daily to dos. This is so that my voice can get some practice daily, otherwise I fear that it will just atrophy.

At this party, I smiled and laughed, and no one called me a freak or said my smile was weird, or that I looked weird. That's somewhat how I feel when I look in the mirror and smile, so I was so happy when no one called me any bad names on my appearance. There was also a guy who was attending who had messed up hair, a messed up eye and side of the face with a wound or something, and no one said anything about his appearance either, I thought he was a cool dude, I talked with him for a bit too.

But yeah, I have been very insecure the past few months on my appearance, and maybe it wasn't warranted at all. This next party I will attend on Thursday though, will have elites there. I met a celebrity there last year, there was a celebrity that attended tonight's party too. The celebrity tonight was so cool, he held me on the side of my shoulders a few times, and shook hands with me, said a bunch of good things about me, I told him that he looks good, because he does. Maybe the organizer of this party can be considered a celebrity too, he is probably the first person in history to have met with all 78 mayors of all municipalities in Puerto Rico, was on TV a few times, and he ran a viral campaign that spanned the entire island, and he is a good friend of mine.

There was an event I attended in 2015 that had all these big shot names and celebrities. I could have taken a picture with them, but I only took a picture with a couple. They were only there for a few minutes and then disappeared, I thought they would be there for the duration of the party which is why I waited, but that was a wasted opportunity. It was a Back to the Future event that I had a full access VIP pass to. I can't believe this was 10 years ago. A few of the actors including Doc Brown's actor, were there, some of the directors and writers and other staff were there, and of course there were some guests who did not take part in Back to the Future but were actors and directors of other movies, who were there. Crazy. Some incredibly big names too. and I didn't meet many of them.

Tonight's party was good. It was nice. I got to meet some people. Someone, a mom, who brought her daughter, asked me for my phone number so we could stay in touch. I could have added other people's contacts, but I didn't. I didn't really feel like it I guess.

After the party, AM invited me to go to this Kava bar with him. After learning of PSSD, I vowed to stay away from anything that would alter your mind. When I arrived at the Kava bar, the owner was explaining what Kava was and the effects it would have. There are some natural ingredients like Lion's Mane, Ashwagandha, Reishi, and Saw Palmetto, these are the only ones I know of so far, that have similar effects as SSRIs or anti-depressants, they alter your mind. After my friend AD experienced PSSD, I decided never again to take any substances that can alter your mind in any way, I don't care if they are natural like Kava root, I do not want to try it.

Weed is natural, and it alters your mind. So is cocaine, and opium. So are magic mushrooms, lots of different mushrooms have lots of different effects. I do not want to deal with them, ever. Anything that alters your mind, I never want to deal with, because I have read the horror stories. I have listened to the interviews. I do not want to have any result like PSSD or PFS or PAS or PEDS.

Can you believe something like Accutane, an acne medicine applied on the skin, can cripple you and leave you feeling zero emotion for life? Can you believe that it can cause sexual destruction and remove all sexual ability? It has happened to some people, it's called Post Accutane Syndrome. Something like Kava can also affect us, I think.

Anyway, I am pretty sleepy now. I'd keep writing but I am so tired.