Basically the heading says it all long story short. But i stayed up last night in hopes of talking to my adorable man, my bf eeeeee, but as luck would have it i couldn't text him bc my man was BUSY! I MEAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? we are in a long distance and have a bit of a time difff, almost 5 hrs. so it is 12 for me before it is for him. I often stay up late for him and this man just is BUSY! Like huh?!
from 2 am (when i finally gave up on hope of texting him) my mind went back to how when i was 14 i used to do a lotta work, was kinda a workaholic, and used to have no-sleep nights (yea that's what i called it) a lot more regularly. Being 16 and 2 years more matured i do recognize this is extremely unhealthy considering i was still a tiny teen and growing, also add in the fact that to keep up and force my body to keep i would have half a glass of water every morning 4 am, with 2-3 spoons of coffee powder. I HAD A GLASS WITH HALF A TEASPOON TODAY AND I FELT LIKE MY SOUL JUST LEFT THE CHAT. GONE. MISSIING. I NOW THINK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS I TO BE ADDICTED TO THAT STRONG OF A DRINK AT 14 FOR GOD'S SAKEEEEEE!!!
But yeah, like the old times, had that at 4 am and oh my took me 10 minutes before i came back to reality. do i feel like i've stayed the whole night up? nope. am i regretting this and already know where this is leading to? yep, absolutely.
but back to that thing i was saying. IDK WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME TO THINK OF DOING THAT HELL OF A ROUTINE AGAIN I MEAN IM DEF GONNA HAVE A BLOOD-PRESSURE OR HEART RELATED PROBLEM IN MY 20S BC OF THIS I ALREADY KNOW. but i did. Sneaked off to my pc and played genshin for like till 3 am and then scrolled motivational bs on youtube for the next hour just trying to get through. then the coffee made my soul leave the chat (rip rest in peace bro) and then i put on some phonk music, the one with the fast beats, and just dance for fuck's sake a whopping hour. felt nice to move again? YEP. did i pull something in my neck and being a biology major im terrified im gonna be paralyzed soon? um, YEAH!
But yeah, and then had some normal water, before going over to my accountability chat group and just blasting the chat (they are gonna be so mad frfr) and posted reminders to slay everyday! and also a to do list. that's all this morning, im gonna be off to have my day and report back. if anyone read this, bro you are my literal therapy rn (im too broke to afford real one lmao T-T) thanks a lot tho. BYEEEEE
I empathize with this, therapy is extremely expensive I wish it wasn't. I really wish it was more affordable so more people could have access to it. I just started playing Genshin impact recently! I grew up with four brothers so I always thought all video games were just a bunch of bros yelling at each other, I didn't think there were any really cozy/magical video games like Genshin Impact! I love phonk music also, I have a lot of it on my phone. Sending virtual hugs, hope today is better for you!
@rachelrae2003 thanks! and you sound like such a fun vibe tbh! i hope you also have a great day ahead and yea, therapy being expensive sucks frr
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