Perfect Score in Memory Game

3:38 AM

Well I made a bunch of mistakes this year. This year has been the year of mistakes and lessons. I have made so many mistakes this year and have learned countless lessons from them. These mistakes were vital for me to make in order to grow as a person.

This might sound controversial, but for the most part, I think you can really only be depressed in your life when you aren't trying to overcome challenges and difficulties. The wording and intent is important here, there are people who get challenges and difficulties and feel depressed. That's fine. I'm not saying it's impossible to be depressed. I'm saying when you want to overcome a difficulty, it's really hard to be depressed.

Difficulties and problems may not have any solutions right away, and sometimes there are no solutions at all, and you have to live with your decisions and circumstances. But if you are not completely destroyed from either your circumstances or decisions you've made, then be thankful that you were able to survive them. Some people do not survive their decisions.

Any action we take is permanent and cannot be undone. You can only take future actions that can mend a mistake in some way, sometimes completely, sometimes even reversing a mistake and turning into a blessing, and other times just mitigating the mistake as much as possible.

There are so many distractions in the world, and so much wrong information, and even harmful information. I've encountered problems this year myself due to making the wrong decisions, due to running into false and harmful information. I experienced them, felt their harm, and I learned priceless lessons from them. Will I make these same mistakes ever again? Heck no.

Often it requires making mistakes to figure out a solution. I'm trying to restore my face. I've gone through a million different changes in my appearance this year trying to restore and even surpass my previous appearance, which may not even be possible. But I have devoured countless information, even took countless actions, and you know what? I think I have discovered a solution. I don't actually know if it will work, we never know any of our results, but I think it's viable. I've made enough countless mistakes to have figured out the issues, and how to solve them.

Sometimes you don't even know what the issue is. You may just think that something is off with your face, it's different from before, but you don't know what. So you try and experiment with lots of things for months, you may jump from one thing to the next, seriously taking so much time, before finally figuring it out, and you may still not have figured. it out. Everything is open ended.

I think most problems people run into, have a very straightforward solution, because they are common problems that people run into. Being in debt? Not having any friends? Being unemployed? Rent is too high? Not finding any partners? Having difficulties in school? Being depressed? Not having enough of X? Being overweight? These are problems basically everyone has run into. I have encountered all of them. They are all problems that are extremely easy to solve in comparison to what I have experienced. They cannot even be compared. These are easy problems to solve because they have a straightforward path.

You know problems that are harder to solve? Problems that have no known solution. My problem that I encountered with my face, is a problem very few people ever encounter, few people can relate to. And, if I talk about it with anyone, everyone is a gaslighter. That's a lesson I learned. Everyone is a gaslighter. No one knows what you are going through except for you. There are no guides or tutorials on how to solve what I have encountered.

If you are in debt or overweight or having school problems, you can find billions of other people in the same exact situation. Those are extremely easy and extremely relatable problems to solve. They are not even problems. They are just life. How about PSSD or PFS or PAS or PEDS (read my past entry for what these mean)? There's no solution to those, and possibly, being generous, only 100,000 or so people worldwide experience them.

How about the same exact scenario I experienced? I experienced minoxidil facial aging. This was horrific. In hindsight, I probably would have fully recovered in a few months if I did nothing else. I pretty much mostly recovered with a few weeks. But I took it to the extreme, I fasted for 5 or so days, and this is what truly changed my appearance completely, I also did microcurrent and red light therapy to extreme levels while fasting. This destroyed the fat on my face in a lot of places, and why my appearance changed dramatically. Few people can notice it, because I was so thin at the time my entire face seemed appropriately thin too, but I was missing my cheek and other parts of my face, and not noticing it either. How many people experienced this? Probably I am the only person who took these exact steps, in the entire world.

So I've always looked at myself in the mirror the past several months and just not seeing who I used to be. My smile is also destroyed. I know why my smile is so different now too, and it's because I have no cheek volume. There's no fat on my cheeks. Even though I am overweight/obese again from trying to regain facial fat, there is no fat that went to my cheeks. It's just a hollow spot. That's from my fat being destroyed, although this is hard to see without the proper angle.

Since there's no one else that encountered this issue, I have to figure everything out myself. In hindsight it was fairly obvious. But you never really know while in the thick of things. Even now my view of this can be wrong too. That's okay too.

The annoying part is the every day. Even if you have a plan or solution, it requires work and discipline. Just like how if you don't read then you are no different from a person who can't read, then if you don't act based on your plan, then it's like you have no plan at all. And of course, circumstances can make things difficult. Like it's 4 AM as I type this. I want to get 8 hours of sleep, but I basically can't. Then I have an entire day to live in a few hours. Sometimes you are stuck in whatever situation and circumstance and you just have to work with it. Like I said I learned countless lessons this year.

Oh and the memory thing which I made the title of this entry. I haven't done brain training in a while, in months. I started them again tonight, just a few hours ago. There is this one memory game that was assigned to me. You are given a list of airports in their shortened 3 letter form (example is TPA or MNL), and a list of around 15 airports or something like that, and you have to memorize them. On the next screen, you are made to play some short game involving letters, words, or numbers, that requires you to read and think in order to erase your memory of the airports.

After memorizing the airports, a handful of them are scrambled into a list of 15 or so total airports, and you have to pick them out. It's sort of hard. I am already a top scorer in all of these brain training games, being in the 99th percentile for all of them, but I played this game without any technique. Anyway, tonight I came up with some technique to memorize them, and I was able to get a perfect score in all 4 rounds of this. There are 4 rounds and they get more difficult as it goes on, with a completely new list of airports and an additional number added each round (like if there's 15 in round 1, there's 16 in round 2, and so on, with a brand new list of airports).

That was a proud moment for me, being able to get a perfect score in all 4 rounds here, with a technique I made up on the spot.

Anyway, that was my day today.