so i have to go out of town for a wedding tomorrow for two days right. i thought a lot for it, what outfit i'll wear, stuff like that and also that i'll take my laptop to watch some lectures. the stuff which stresses and frustrates the hell out of me right now are first off i am sick, like touching anything cold is making me feel weird and i feel weak with a stuffed runny nose and difficulty breathing with a fucking headache added on as well, i couldn't work on my journal that much which is kind of like my destressing time. due to being sick i couldn't do shit after coming home so that, and also the fact that it was so fucking cold today. my teeth also hurt for some reason and i fucking feel insane. the outfit i picked was rejected by mom and i have to change my foot wear and the whole vibe of it. i wanted to wear traditional for th first time in like forever, i felt pretty enough, but nope! fucking not! then i tried getting over that, but mom is going on abt the stuff i gotta get done now to help with packing. i haven't gotten that done. i have to shower in the morning i felt too weak to shower and honestly i have some issues making me feel undeserving of that kinda self care it's fucked up, not yet ready to reflect on that entirely. but yeah that's the second thing you can say that outfit thingy. then my bf is not texting me back and i am anxious as fuck about that, and then i try to walk, something i try to keep in my routine consistently and that helps me calm down, Fucking nope! dad parked the car in our drive way early today and locked the doors, ready to sleep already for some reason. I just wanna fucking cry rn. why the fuck today?! cant i have a few good days? why the fuck!
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