26th

It's super late... and the day has practically passed. So might aswell say that there's only 2 days left till exams. And hoo boy, there's envi, which i completed forgot about. That I haven't studied for. But what can you do. I'm starting to regret my choices again, but it doesn't matter, it's envi.

I should focus on Chem and physics, and if I can, I'll get in some stuff on envi towards the end of the days. It's so hard to start studying something you're not familiar with. It's how I felt with physics each time before I started to buckle down. Now it even feels like that with Chem.

Atleast I got to journal today and I'm saying a lot now. I read something that says that you should repeat positive affirmations to yourself for idk, did it say 5 or 15 minutes each day for it to be effective (and god im tired of more daily routines that have to be established [even though i dont actually even follow much of a routine]). Not only that, but positive affirmations may not even be that effective if you don't believe what you're saying.. and boy do I have a hard time believing a lot of them, especially motivational ones saying that I'll get better at doing xyz sometime in the future.

I also just feel a little uncomfortable when I write a positive affirmation, like I have a hard time seeing just seem them written down. If I think back on it, the only ways I've really ever complimented myself was in a "bragging to my self" sort of way, there's always some kind of comparison with others—like, I'll think about how I do xyz better than other people, I'm more [blank, any compliment and especially blank] than [any general group]. Even when I comfort myself, it's always about stuff like "other people haven't done xyz too, it's fine if I dont" or "atleast I'm better than abc." So telling myself that I'm fine just the way I am and that I'll love myself no matter what... feels really weird, because I don't feel like that at all. But I guess I'll keep saying that one and see where it goes, because accepting yourself as you are is probably the only way you can be or stay happy; and if you don't, then you'll continue to want and want and want more and more and more.

On that note...

I love myself just the way I am. There is nothing wrong with me.