8:23 AM (of Thursday, August 20th 2020)
Today is Wednesday, August 19th 2020, how the heck was today a Wednesday!?!? There were a lot of bad things that went on today that I'll write about in a private entry, but yeah today was not a great day.
It wasn't that anything bad happened to me personally, I just wasted so much time on some useless nonsense and also took a lot of risk for no reason, just for fun. I don't know why I started to randomly shift into this other activity and start "having fun" all of a sudden, basically foregoing who I was and all the activities I did a week ago. I don't know how or why I shifted into doing this, but I basically went from being a productive person that worked the entire day and also exercised a little bit and had discipline, to like, transitioning into the opposite of that.
I haven't written any entries these past two days just because I have been doing terribly in terms of what I should be doing. Sure this new activity I got into is sort of fun, there's lots of laughs and a community, but it's not fulfilling nor meaningful, not in the same way my previous activities were.
So I don't know what became of me today and yesterday, what made me eventually transform or change so dramatically like this, but I'm working on changing back. I think I'll start in two days, on Friday. I'll do a reset of everything again. Wow. I can't believe I'm behind on my logs, entries, finances, etc, again, after I had already caught up and was updating it daily for a while.
Yeah I think the August 17th decision I made, that it was "okay" to do some bad things every now and then, was a really bad choice, because it caused me to spiral into this new situation I'm in. I now have to build back my old productive habits and lifestyle and transform my life again. Yeah this happens. I don't know how often this has happened, but usually the "good" streaks I have are interrupted by some bad ones like this one, every now and then. What can I do?
I know a lot of people, myself included, who are stuck in sort of a rut lately with not being able to do anything productive or meaningful. My aunt, who believes in astrology, believes it has something to do with the moon phases and current star alignment, but I don't know about that...just seems like everyone is having an especially rough time right now. It can be tough to discern if an activity is really worth pursuing sometimes so if it isn't fulfilling to you at least you know that and can move on. Like you said, sometimes there will be bad streaks, but there will also be good ones :)
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