26/8/2020

I am lost

I feel like I am left behind or lack behind by my peers.

I have the constant feeling I am not doing enough and yet I am not working hard on it. Everything I am doing to procrastinate or avoid myself from improving makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty for not studying material to better equip myself for work.

I worked for a 'noble' profession. Do I really need to work this hard to meet the expectation of the people that I am a sophisticated person/ competent lawyer?

Every job has its difficulty. A litigation lawyer need to do a lot of reading, need to prepare oneself with knowledge.

I dont know. I am born not to please other. What am I aiming in this life or career ?

It's like chasing after the winds, what do I gain?

*I am self-aware of these problem is just digging trouble to one self.

there is no point to envy other's achievement and progress in life. But sometimes I just cant help myself from thinking negatively.

There is also no point to share with my beloved friends which had heard the similar story from me numerous time. I just need some time and I will get better by the next day when the sun rise.

Right now, I just want to feel bad. I want to point myself out as the main contributor of this non discipline way of living.

But staying in comfort zone is just feel too good, I am also too afraid to step out or do the leap of faith.

Am I too afraid of the outcome or I just finding excuse to constantly snooze myself from the danger.

Danger of get used to all these thing and get stuck.

stuck in the endless cycle.

Just to record down my feeling and what is stated here will stay here.

I will be fine by tomorrow.