More To Worry About

10am, I got a text from my 14yo over Facebook Messenger that her throat was kind of sore and she felt a tickle of a cough. I gathered some stuff for her--cough drops, ibuprofen, water and hand sanitizer--and left it by her door. Told her to wear a mask if she left her room and limit that to bathroom only.

I guess she was coughing loud enough, the 20yo heard it through the wall and started freaking out at me on messenger because we didn't rush her to the doctor to be tested. It's the weekend. We wouldn't have gotten an appointment anyway. Tomorrow is Sunday so everything is closed but the hospital. The earliest we could take her is Monday afternoon if she's still feeling sick (it could just be a cold--who knows). Then the 20yo started ranting about how no one is taking this seriously and blah blah blah. I said I was done and canceled out of the chat, nearly blocking her because of her attitude.

We're all doing the best we can. There's still a shortage of tests around here so they don't usually test you unless you're really showing symptoms. Sore throat isn't enough to warrant a test yet. And if she does have COVID, we'd all been exposed already and should act accordingly. The 20yo still went to work (surprise, surprise). I'm canceling any plans to go shopping. My husband has to go to work, though, because he just took this past week off. This is what I was afraid of happening if one of us got sick. There's no way to stop the spread in the house because my husband doesn't think it's serious (and 100% believes I already had it because I was sick in February even though I never had a fever and just had a cough for a few weeks which is normal any time I get a cold). Now I have to worry about the 14yo being sick, watch the rest of us to see if we get sick, wonder where she even got sick and worry about us spreading it because I can't contain it to my own house. I have no control over the people here so there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can't make my husband or kids stay at home. If I could, the 14yo probably wouldn't be sick (she was just at a friend's the other night without telling me she was leaving and was with the same friend for 2 weeks earlier in the month).

On top of that, I have no idea where the 17yo went. She told me she was going to babysit for a friend and would be back that night. That was like three nights ago. She lost her phone so I have no way to contact her. She texted me from a friend's number two nights ago. That's the last I heard from her. Guess I'll text that number to let her know her sister's sick and to not come home since they share a room. Hopefully, she's not sick.

Like I needed more stress.

I tried to relax today and work on my knitting. I really wanted to get this ugly sweater done before the first day of school, but I don't think it's possible unless I do nothing but work on it for 12+ hours a day. I picked it up around 8am this morning (after getting up around 6:30) and by noon, I kept screwing the pattern up so had to go do something else. I decided to try pulling weeds in the yard so I could clean it up enough to sit out there while the weather is still nice.

But I'm too fat to constantly bend over. I get dizzy when I stand back up and my legs hurt from standing so much. Eventually, my husband came out to help. I just stood here, crying, because I can't win. I'm so depressed despite the meds. And the meds are probably making me gain weight. I have more energy, but my I'm so fat, it hurts to move and my weight keeps going up. So either I stay on them and keep getting fatter until I can't move or I stop taking them, let the fatigue come back and get fatter because I can't move. Like I said, I can't win.