Long Day

Not sure what was up with today. I got up around 6:30am like most days and drank an entire pot of coffee but was still dragging all day.

I barely made it through my son's morning Zoom meetings while trying to work on my own things. I couldn't focus, though. It was like all my months of extreme fatigue. Then he had a meeting with the guidance counselor after to talk about the cat dying and his anxiety which interrupted his normal independent work. Meanwhile, the 17yo came down to work on her homework and right after the 10yo got done with the meeting and turned on the TV to watch while eating lunch, the 14yo came down.

At that point it was nearly noon. I was so tired and my legs were swelled from sitting in the uncomfortable chair all morning. I gave up trying to stay awake and went to take a nap. My husband woke me up when he got home (whenever that was). He came in, saw I was in bed, and just started talking to me like I wasn't sleeping which woke me up. I did try to go back to sleep, lying in bed for another 45 minutes. Not sure I slept at all. Woke up with a massive headache but had to cook dinner since I promised.

Then while making dinner which was taking more concentration that normal because off the headache and fatigue, the oldest daughter got into a huge fight with everyone so I had to go upstairs because I couldn't deal with that. Eventually, I went back downstairs (before the argument was over) and got dinner finished.

Since then, I've just been fighting to stay awake. I'm unable to do any of my crafts because I'm so brain fogged which makes being awake pointless. I couldn't even focus on the Netflix show I was watching. Gave up on that, too. I'm just going to finish my journals for the night and go to bed early so that hopefully tomorrow is better.

I'm lucky I didn't feel this way when we had the cat emergency Saturday night or Lilah would have had to suffer and die at home in pain because I wouldn't have been able to drive and my husband wouldn't have taken her because he goes to bed at 8pm so he can get up at 4am for work.

I'm just so done with feeling this way all of the time. I have one or two (maybe three) good days then have a bunch of bad days. I can never relax into a new routine because I never know if I'll be able to handle it each day. My son didn't get his school work done until dinner time because I was sleeping and no one knew what he had to do so let him do nothing. I'm not sure he did it all or turned it all in because I was still too tired to deal with it. I was thinking of writing emails to the teachers and let them know things were kind of messed up Monday because of the cat dying which throw the entire weekend off and made me sick from being out in the smoke which is still affecting me days later.

Hopefully, tomorrow is even a little better (because I left the kitchen a mess after cooking dinner so there's even more to do tomorrow).