I just realized that when my paycheck is delayed, I lose interest in doing work. I really feel demotivated that I just want to lie down and contemplate life. I've stopped being heroic and push through no matter what. I have numerous colleagues who have left this year, I think the biggest reason is the delayed paycheck. Somehow I feel betrayed. They left us hanging to fend off for ourselves. And one of them, who left me hanging to do things she should have led, reviewed the report we sent and had the most feedback on the things she expects to see from the report. I felt so betrayed. I don't know why, she's just doing her job, and I should do mine. I guess I'm taking this personally again. People are just looking out for themselves, and they've been smart by drawing a line on what they will and will not tolerate. I guess it's all about boundaries. Their boundaries have been violated, and they won't accept that. I should learn a thing or two from them. Loyalty is nothing in business. The company won't be loyal to you just because you served them x years.
I should learn to set my boundaries, and this "opportunity" is a good start from me. So many times I've been used and abused, it's because I didn't have boundaries. I let people take advantage of me and not push back, afraid of losing them. But I still end up losing them, since at some breaking point I just give up and leave. Had I known to set boundaries, I could have kept healthy relationships and be happy with the friendships I had. But alas, it's only now that I'm learning. I know, better late than never. It's good that I'm learning...but I hope I apply what I learned. I know it will take time to accept these negative feelings and not feel guilty. It will take a lot of practice. Setting boundaries does not mean that I'm a bad person. In life, we cannot avoid hurting others.
Ah, this lesson is really very hard for me to learn. There's a lot of resistance from my mind and body. But it's something I want to apply in my life. I'm tired of being mistreated, and I know there's something I can do about it. Oh, give me strength!!!
You must be signed in to post a comment!