Gaining Back Some Control

4:45 AM (of Saturday, October 3rd 2020)

Today is Thursday, October 1st 2020 and I fell asleep last night at around 10 PM or so. I had homework last night (Wednesday night) and it was also the day we launched our project for fundraising. It was such a disappointing turn-out of people putting money in considering we had over two thousand members in our community channels. Alright so we had a goal of about $30,000 with an exceeding goal of $60,000, and what I imagined would happen is right after launch we'd get $30,000 and even $60,000 pretty much right away. That did not happen, instead there was barely any interest.

Maybe it's timezones and our time to launch was off? Timing is actually the most contributing factor to a project's success, from what I've read, out of any other factor (effort, idea, etc). I know if we launched about 2 weeks ago, hitting the $60,000 would have been easy. There were a bunch of projects that had nothing but a website and they raised $60,000. I know because I was there, and and witnessing such events motivated me and others to start our own.

I guess people have started opening up to the idea that they shouldn't just throw their money at any new project that starts up, and so we were one of the "late stragglers" into the party. Despite our effort, personal costs, amount of people aware of the project, and even our legitimacy, things just resulted in a failure. I went to sleep last night feeling really bad and wanting to forget this whole ordeal.

That's why when I woke up this morning, I didn't even turn on my computer to chat with anyone which is what my usual habit was. Instead, I took control and put my life back into my own hands. You know, I can't control people putting money into this project, I could just control finishing the product. I wanted to work on things I had full control of that morning, so when I woke up I just used the bathroom and instead of reading on my cell phone I read a few pages of a book. After using the bathroom, I decided to run outside because I had control over that.

So I did, I went outside, and it was cold. I did some very minimal stretching outside. The stretches I would normally do would require me to sit or lie on the ground, and with the viruses all about, I didn't obviosuly didn't want to do that. So I just did some dynamic leg stretches while standing up, and as I would find out tomorrow it wasn't enough. But today the stretching was fine.

After stretching and walking for aboat 10 minutes, I started jogging. It's been the most alive I've felt in ages. It was more than 1.5 months since I last went outside and did any exercises. There's been a handful of times I went out, but that was just to drive the car around because it has to be driven every now and then. Other than that, I pretty much stayed indoors the entire time, not even changing clothes or taking a shower, just obsessed and online on the computer, working pretty much most of the time. And what did I get from it? Nothing.

I ran about 3.5 miles today out in the cool weather. It felt so nice. Despite not having done any sort of exercise in 1.5 months, I could still run pretty easily. I felt pretty much invincible like nothing's changed with me physically (even though I should have atrophied a bit and I know I gained weight). When I got back home I updated the Habitica challenges I hosted and then updated my journal for yesterday.

After that, work started and I just worked. I even took a shower at some point. It was a really good and productive day.

I don't know what happened in the evening though, but I had homework due, and I was so sleepy. I ended up taking some naps at like 8 PM and was lapsing in and out of consciousness, waking up to realize I had homework due, looking at the time realizing I had some time left to turn it in, and then going back to sleep temporarily knowing I had to wake up soon to do the homework. This was weird that I was feeling tired at 8 PM because normally I'd have slept at 3 AM. But I realized I didn't have to be there in chats all the time.

I ended up completing my homework assignment, barely conscious, and then went to sleep at last. It was a good day today. I mean overall I think I could have done better during work and after work, but before work I had a very nice morning that I was in control over.