10/5/2020

Today I managed to get some things accomplished. Michael took me to run some errands. We decided to wait until at least Thursday when Jena has off for me to pick out my new ratty companions. I had told them that they can help me pick out the rats and stuff and they're super excited about it, so I would have felt bad if I just had Michael take me to go in alone. Instead I was able to pick up some of my prescriptions and grab a pumpkin spike espresso coffee...it's honestly not bad. I used to think it sounded gross, but I have needlessly denied myself the pure taste of autumn for years lmao

I did not manage to meet my goal of building my bookshelf today. I need to borrow tools from someone so that I can build it. Duhh that should have occurred to me when I bought the thing. That's another thing I miss about Jon's house, there was pretty much any tool I could ever want there. Now I need to actually get my own. Maybe I will whenever we go out next. My offering of rent this month is going to be...significantly less than it's supposed to be. I really hope that doesn't make Jena mad. I'm sure they won't be because we've been openly communicating about it, so I should be ok, I just have a bad habit of over worrying about everything. I explained to them earlier today how Ginger, my last roommate, gave me only a week's notice before evicting me and Jena thought that was absolutely vile to do, especially after Stormy had just passed away and in the middle of the pandemic when even landlords weren't legally allowed to evict people. I don't know if it's still like that now but yeah...

Ginger is a really shitty person, and I say that as a person who doesn't like to hold hate in my heart for any reason. After hanging out with Tame I saw the way they were slandering Tame to their friends. They posted screenshots which actually made themselves look bad... which made them look like a jackass for posting their drama online at all. Especially when they were all up on their high horse when I made negative posts about the way they treated me, and had blocked them from viewing, but I guess someone told them... I wouldn't want to tell Tame what they're saying because I know they're trying to work through their emotions and they don't deserve that kind of slander so... ignorance is bliss, right? To think, it all started over an innocent comment asking to give Ginger's cat some extra attention for them and they referred to the cat as "the boi" like........the ya boi meme stuff, nothing meant by it, but right away Ginger jumped on them saying that they can't say that because it's somehow appropriative. I don't personally understand how. I've never seen it used negatively or by specific people, and it's basically a meme like I said. Tame called them a fascist for policing what they said, which I honestly think is the funniest thing that could have been done when someone is That Big Mad over a word and their only response to being called out for not sticking to their ideals was to immaturely tell them "don't talk to me" and then goes on to post that Tame had been manipulative, while I'm hearing the same from the other side. I'm not sure I can be friends with Ginger anymore. They've pulled too much shit on me and my friends that I think I'm just going to sit here in my lawn chair and watch this trash fire burn. Hell, I mean that's why anyone reads what I write, I think. Consistent garbage fires lmaooo Anyway I didn't realize that the breakup was so recent... and it kind of makes me wonder if there was a little bit more to the other day than I thought. Maybe not, maybe it was just hiking, but the genuine way they looked into my eyes and told me that they were having a wonderful time is nnnnot really something I experience with many people.

Ahh well....I plan to use the next two days to try and get the bookshelf built, provided I can borrow tools from somebody, and then put away my books. I want to set up that greenhouse too but I keep stopping myself from going out and doing it. I don't know why... It's only the back yard and it's fenced in. I know it's perfectly safe. I don't have a logical reason to be afraid of being out there alone. It's just going to be something I need to force myself to do.... Like these inktober prompts. The last few days I haven't thought of anything related to the prompts which would be interesting so I said fuck it and looked up a bunch of different prompts and people are gonna get whatever they get I guess lmao. Ahhh shit, I just realized I booked therapy for 9am tomorrow so I have to be somewhat awake by then and Should Be Asleep Right Now. I guess I'll be good and take my medicine even though I don't feel ready. That could end up with me drawing some goopy weird shit. I used to do things like that a lot when I first started taking ambien, but it doesn't happen as often now, the whole not realizing I'm basically asleep or actually getting up and sleepwalking thing. I guess that's a good thing, but it was kind of fun to find stuff I did later that I have no memory of. As far as art goes that can suck because if I practice a technique I won't remember how I did it.... ...that's happened before. Ok! Bed time for me now! Or....soon....