Heavy

Glitch came over when I woke up today. I woke up much later than usual (close to 3pm!) because I had trouble sleeping the night before. Even now I've stayed up a bit too late. I'm writing this at 2am right now. We just finished up watching shows and cuddling for the night. We had ordered wings from a really great place they picked out, got high together, and had a good night in watching Into the Spiderverse. We also started watching Madoka. I've seen PMMM a bunch of times now, but I keep recommending it to people who haven't seen it. We got up to episode 4 so things have started to get dark in the series. It's an old favorite of mine.

I have to make sure I'm up on time tomorrow for an appointment with my hormone doctor. I also need to pick up my estrogen at the pharmacy and maybe stop in at the dispensary for a vape. I just opened my last one tonight. I think with one more I should be able to make it to the end of the month (hopefully). Glitch said they'll make sure that I'm awake.

They were getting all cute and shy again. I think I just really need to rock this big dom energy that I apparently have. heheh they said they were starting to get aroused from me just hugging them tightly and being nice. I forgot I have that effect on people... It's hard to hide that through leggings though, and she wasn't wearing a bra either because in this room we stan comfort above all else so I was like hhhhhhhhhhhh titty and dick yessssss (but also don't look don't look don't look i'm a pervert if I look)

I mean on one hand I'm really nervous. They really like me and I'm an absolute mess that hasn't been in a real relationship for many years and back then I was just dumb so.... I guess that's the way I end up flustered, too. It's a lot for me, emotionally. and heck even physically.... I have needs just like lots of other people, but I get hung up on things because trauma, or because I lack confidence in myself, or some other reason... I don't really know how to work on my confidence though. How does one improve that?

I'm not sure if I'm exactly stable enough to be in a relationship, on the other hand. I'm barely stable enough to not be in the hospital and hold it together daily. I've been going through a real depressive state since even before I accidentally killed Jojo... It hurts to even say that, but there, I said it. The things weighing heaviest on my mind lately.

I really love that whatever the relationship Glitch and I have now is pretty solidly chill like we can both be braless couch-goblins and she'll come over and tell me all about her new sex toys or talk about how clients be like "oh I wanna fuck you so bad" then be bad at fuckin or even just not show up lmaoo people are wild