I'm very tired of being quiet when things that are making me uncomfortable are being said. I need to become well-spoken. I can't have the opinions that I do without standing up for myself because almost none of what I think is mainstream or widely accepted. To be okay with being me, I'm realizing that I need to start accepting that I'm strong. This is fucking terrifying. I've always lived as the quiet shy person in the background but it's ultimately been hurting me. I've always been complacent and cooperative to a fault. Obviously this is bad but changing the default way I act around people is a huge undertaking. I can't stand the way I'm being treated at the moment but I'm afraid of being alone which I feel is kind of stupid. I've been isolating myself within social groups anyways so why is removing the illusion of friends so scary? I don't want to hope it gets better, it won't. Unless I do something different, I'm going to find myself surrounded by people that find it acceptable to laugh at my expense.
I'm very similar. It's very hard to get me out of my shell, but I'm a lot more open online because I feel comfortable here. Find what makes you comfortable and do it the best you can. It is a big change, but you can start slow with it, like by talking online or with one person and building up from there. It's not stupid at all. It's very wise of you to know what you need to do to get out of this rut and, from how it sounds, your willingness to give it a try is a good start.
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