April 11, 2021

18,000 Steps, Went To Mall, Bought $1200 Worth of Stuff

8:23 PM

Today was one of the best days of my life. I felt so fantastic and alive throughout the entirety of the day. Seriously. I had no cares in the world, I had an overflowing amount of energy, and I felt so happy and at peace with everything. I still feel that way right now, I just feel so relaxed and happy. It's hard to describe how I feel, I feel this way somewhat all the time, but not really all the time either. Internally I think I'm always relaxed, non-chalant, uncaring, even if the situation would be intense and stressful for others.

Well I woke up this morning, and I pleasured myself. Yeah. I fell asleep last night after doing it twice. I was supposed to stop this habit back on Thursday, but last night was Saturday night, and I was feeling like there wasn't anything else for me to do. I started watching pornographic videos and one thing lead to another. The first time was to a video, the second time was to my imagination. And then this morning, I was up in the morning, so I just did it again to my imagination but then loaded up some videos to help. Not a great way to start the day, not the way I wanted to start the day at all.

Anyway I started up a daily checklist of activities for me to do in the morning, using the new website update last night that allows you to create To Dos that repeat every day. I created three projects: Morning, Afternoon, and Evening. And inside each of the projects, I added To Dos that repeated each day. I would just go in and check them off daily. Just very simple activities like cleaning up my bed in the morning, brushing my teeth, washing dishes, etc. activities that I have to do daily. This really helped, because if I didn't know what to do, I could just look at the list for a thing to do, and then do it and check it off. It feels satisfying completing tasks that way.

So I did that. I also played Beat Saber and did strength exercises in the morning. Then I refreshed the Habitica challenges I hosted. That was fun. My guild in Habitica started a mandatory challenge to read the document with rules and whatever and it had like 30 pages of rules to follow. I'm in the top guild in the game, it is the best guild in the game, and the rules are very strict and participation is mandatory daily. Speaking of participation - I need to log in now to cast some buffs for the group and read the group chat.

9:19 PM

I was posting something in the guild, talking about how I lived such an excellent day today, though I only told them about one event. You will get to read about everything that happened today. I was also telling them about my current extremely simple lifestyle, and then my parents called. They called me early at around 6 PM but their phone was running low on battery so they said they'd call again at 8 PM, they called at like 8:50 PM. Anyway, I was planning on going to sleep before then, but I try not to interfere with fate too much. If they told me they'd call again at 8 PM, then it wasn't my time tonight to go to sleep before then, and I ended up taking some pretty important actions.

So anyway, I'm back now after posting that message in the guild group. I hope they don't get pissed hahaha. I mean it's not a message to get pissed about, I just wrote about having an excellent day. But yeah a lot of people in the guild are quite strict, it's the number one guild in an online game about productivity and discipline after all. Every message there is like, super serious business. My message was relaxed, and somewhat, maybe, maybe, condescending because I was like "yeah I don't have a car, no fridge, no freezer, etc", lmao.

Oh okay so where was I? In the morning I did a bunch of stuff. All the stuff in my morning To Do list that repeats daily. I worked out, did some strength exercises, and I played Beat Saber a bunch. I played it a whole bunch. I recorded some video footage of me playing too, just using the in-game recorder, so it's whatever I see in the VR and not my body or anything. I did really well on some songs today, like I played Unlimited Power and got 614 NOTES HIT out of 615!! WTF. I messed up at note 609, literally 5 notes away from the end. I WAS SO PISSED!!! Because I was so close to a perfect combo, which I have never hit in Expert+ ever. That must be really frustrating.

Imagine being at the very end of the song, and you had hit PERFECT through the entire thing up to that point. And then you missed a note. OUCH. OUCH. That happened today. But after that, was when I started recording videos, because I wanted to see that kind amazing performance again. Well I played a bunch of songs again and recorded them, and I was able to get another good performance with the song Legend. On the hard part when the singer goes "C-C-C-C-Combo", I was able to hit every note perfectly there, even really good players miss that part, and I don't think I ever got it perfect until today, but I got it on video today, so that was nice.

At around 1 PM I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I don't even remember what I was doing at the time. Oh yeah, I do, I was just watching videos until 3 PM. That's when I decided to go out to the mall. I wanted to go to the mall mainly so I could get a fruit smoothie at one of the vendors there that I have never tried before, but before that I walked around and checked out some random stores.

One of the stores I visited was this "Spy" store. I honestly thought they would just have random spy gear like binoculars, spyglass, trench coats, sunglasses, secret audio recorders, and other secret spy stuff. But I wouldn't describe the place as a spy place at all, it was a self-defense store basically. They had a bunch of surveillance cameras, hidden cameras, audio recorders, alarms, and even weapons.

What interested me the most was the weapons. They had a bunch of melee weapons like swords, axes, knives, tazers, and ranged weapons like BB-Guns, BB-Rifles, throwing stars, and pepper spray. I asked to check out the swords and got to hold a bunch of them, and got to unsheath them and feel their blade. These swords felt amazing and heavy, I seriously wanted to buy one. I was about to buy this $150 katana, because it was nice and sharp, it was seriously cool. But I figured I wasn't ever going to use it for anything. So I just bought a tazer instead for $80.

Anyway after checking out that shop, I went to the fruit smoothie store. Oh before everything else, I went to Vitamin World, another store I visited, and bought some B12 supplements. So after the spy store, I went to the smoothie store, and just bought myself a smoothie and a fruit bowl. I pretty much just picked random fruits that they had, I just looked at their menu and just picked out random ones. For the fruit bowl I also told them carrots. Dude this vendor was amazing, they just add the whole food ingredients, just the fruits, and just carrots for that fruit bowl. Really simple, and the carrots were raw and hard, but I was so impressed that was all they did, just add these fruits and carrots into a bowl. For the smoothie, it was a bunch of fruits and almond milk. Pretty awesome place. I like La Frutera more, but this place was not bad.

After that, I started my walk to Best Buy. I had to exit the mall and walk a few blocks to get to Best Buy. It took about 30 minutes of walking, mainly because I didn't know where to go, and because of the street traffic and limited sidewalk availability. There wasn't any direct sidewalk path that went from the mall to the main road, actually there was only one, but it was so hidden that I didn't see it until I got to the main road. So instead I travelled around on the curbs basically, pushing against the plants that grew there, since there were no side walks available until I got to the main road.

I felt so alive walking the entire time by the way. The whole day I felt so good and alive. This was exemplified when I reached this bus stop right before the Best Buy, and it was empty except for the cars driving by. I took off my mask, and sat on the bus stop and drank this smoothie I had. The sun was setting, so it wasn't bright, and it was behind me. I just observed the cars passing by as I drank, relaxing. It was such a relaxing feeling. There was also this cool wind blowing strongly, and I felt on top of the world.

I didn't write yesterday's entry yet, but I posted an update on Facebook, and Sarah liked it. So I sent her a message yesterday morning, maybe she wants to chat? I like her, but I'm pretty sure she's in a relationship. Anyway, she never replied to my message yesterday, I thought this whole time she just ghosted me, like "I'm not Interested, that's why I'm not even reading your message." Which I was cool with, I accepted it, I felt kinda bad, but whatever. But as I was in line today getting the fruit smoothie, I checked my phone and she replied! Two messages! I was really happy.

I've been feeling great throughout the day before then, but this made me feel even better. I didn't reply to her right then because I was ordering, I checked my phone when I was grabbing my credit card. And then when my order got filled, both my hands were full, and then I walked like 5 minutes or so to the nearest food court so I could sit and eat my meal there, which was delicious by the way. I brought the smoothie with me out though, I figured I could drink it while walking. So yeah I drank it while sitting on the bus stop and everything just felt so at peace. It was such a good day.

When I got to Best Buy, I bought a toothbrush, the Philips SonicCare toothbrush ($50), because by current electrical toothbrush sucked. I also bought this Waterpik ($80), because I used that in the US and really liked it. Then I bought this $850 camera because I wanted to vlog my simple life and take pictures, and I was feeling so fantastic too. And I bought a Tripod for $63. And then taxes. So everything was around $1200, which is quite a lot. Best Buy is a pricey store, everything there is pricey, but high quality. too.

Anyway I chilled outside of Best Buy for 10 minutes, just chilling and waiting for the Uber to arrive. Having the time of my life again basically, just watching the clouds go by in the sky. So peaceful.

When I got home, I opened the camera box right away and started to play with it. I recorded some videos, and the camera was too zoomed in. It was way too close when recording which I think is its biggest weakness. Whatever, this is the camera I have now, so I'll have to use it to record the videos. I started recording, but I ran out of stuff to say, so I'll try again tomorrow. My dad told me that I'll get better as I go along.

Anyway that was my day today. I could have gone into further detail into everything else today, but I'm getting really sleepy. I'm gonna reply to Sarah before I go to sleep.

Written by JustMegawatt

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Posted On Apr 12, 2021

I wish I could have a happy life like that, even for a day, not having to worry about money or travelling or anything, just enjoying life. Sounds like a good day, I'm happy for you.

Posted On Apr 12, 2021

@iyazo Bro you could have that day right now. You got the stimulus check, you get monthly deposit from the government, and food stamps. You don't need to worry about money, just an affordable place to live, and then you can basically chill for life, drawing and posting on DeviantArt or looking at the sky or whatever you want to do. If I were in your situation, I'd still just enjoy the day, walking outside, enjoying the weather (well I'm not sure how good the weather is in PA).

If you can find a place where you can live alone and you can walk to the grocery store, that might be better for you than living with a bunch of room mates. If you have that option.

Posted On Apr 12, 2021

@JustMegawatt Yeah I have some money now, but it's all gonna get used up paying for movers, monthly storage fees, travel, and possibly a motel for a while. And in this balancing act if my account is over $1000 by the 3rd of the month I get screwed out of getting my monthly pay- I would have to reapply and can't since I have no residence. It's hard to relax when I have all of this hanging over me. Believe me I would love to just chill for life. That was the plan when I moved to Reading....lived there 2 years and got kicked out. That was the plan when I moved here....lived here less than a year and got kicked out. I guess the common denominator here is me. I'm the problem. I always end up fucking everything up somehow, no matter where I go. I guess people find me difficult to live with or get along with for some reason or another. Unfortunately, I don't trust myself living alone. I think it would really drive me insane. I agree with my therapist, that I need to live in a safe home environment with a good support system...but that's not realistic for me either. I can't go about a "normal" day like anyone else, walking around and such. I'm agoraphobic. I don't feel safe in public alone. It makes me feel very small and lost because I have no sense of direction. Doesn't exactly help that it has been thunderstorming all night. I wish these things were possible for me, but I always worry about everything and I can't ever stop

also lol I haven't used DeviantArt in over a decade, almost two, wow- I haven't been drawing much with this going on, honestly. I just can't find my inspiration. Head empty. When I do draw I rarely post it anywhere...

Posted On Apr 12, 2021

@iyazo The rule that you have to have less than $1000 is the most limiting thing I've heard. That sucks. You can't even save up for something that's over $1000 like a car, because they want you to spend it all right away.

Have you ever tried living "alone"? When you get your own apartment or condo alone, you aren't really alone. You just go outside your door, and you have a bunch of neighbors everywhere. Above you, below you, to your left, and to your right. It's like renting your own room at a house, but you have a much bigger area basically and you're responsible for everything. You can think of it that way.

I think finding a place that is "a safe home environment with a good support system", is ideal to have, but that's gonna be hard to find. Especially because most people don't really care about each other _that_ much, you know? I lived in a dorm with like 40 other people back in college, it was supposed to be a "safe home environment with a good support system" but there was drama everywhere and not everyone loved each other.

I can't imagine being able to "chill for life" while at the same time living with a bunch of other people, because "familiarity breeds contempt" and other people will cause drama at some point or another. I guess another feasible alternative is you find 1 other person to live with, like a partner. That might work. Even then, though, people say they "love each other" forever, but then break ups and divorce rates are pretty high. There's drama in couples too.

So living alone, I would try it and consider it as a feasible option, even if only temporary as a place in-between homes.

Posted On Apr 12, 2021

@JustMegawatt Yeah I get that. That's why things ended up falling apart here as well. I don't think living on my own is wise because I can barely care for myself and I have a lot of mental issues which would just make me uncomfortable being alone. If I had even one person I could ask to stay with, I would, but no such luck.

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