April 14, 2021

Dropped Out Of Courses, Vlogged In Public, Embarassed Myself

10:24 PM

10:34 PM

Today was another similar day to yesterday. Upon waking up, I just started recording myself talking to the camera. I worked on doing all my chores in the morning, all my strength exercises, and I got everything done within the first hour of being awake. Literally everything. I then worked on yesterday's video, and I uploaded that online today. I think the video came out to be 2 hours and 30 minutes at the end, and it took my computer about two hours to upload the whole thing to YouTube. I'm fortunate that I can somehow upload videos for as much duration as I want.

I'm literally going to be uploading these hours long videos, and taking up gigs of space on Google's servers and they're cool with it. I'm not trying to be mean to Google or whatever, but it's just so cool they're just allowing me to put up gigs of my videos on their servers for free. And I'm going to be making videos every day that are hours long, and many gb in size. Yesterday's video I uploaded was about 2.5 hours long and 6gb in size. I don't think it's a lot actually, because this is actually the lowered rendered size. If I used the raw footage from the camera, it would take up like 80gb. I bet some people take full advantage of that, and some people might actually upload 80gb of data a day.

Anyway, I basically did the same exact thing as yesterday, but improved slightly. I went outside today, walking shirtless in the sun, while vlogging. I carried this huge massive camera on this giant tripod as I walked around talking to it and I garnered attention for sure. For sure. I got lots of stares from people. I bet I'm the talk of the neighborhood now. My dad told me not to do that, because crime rates in Puerto Rico are quiet high, and I could be mugged or whatever for that camera, because that camera cost me like $850 and it's really fancy and it stands out. It really stands out.

Other than that, it was quite a normal day. I got 9 views so far on yesterday's video. My dad told me no one would watch these videos because they are too long, longer than most movies. I told him I don't care if no one watches, i just wanted to make the videos.

So I did another 90 elevated push ups today, another 90 seconds of planking, another 90 crunches, and another 45 goblet squats. And around 10,000 steps of walking. And I didn't eat that much today. So I will likely lose weight. Speaking of losing weight, so in the mornings I usually take a dump, and I wanted to see how long I took a dump for and how much weight I would lose. So this morning I recorded myself before and after taking a dump, and I even timed how long it took me to take that dump, and i dropped about 2 pounds in 2 minutes from pooping. All the appropriate stuff like the timer and the outside door of the bathroom were all on video, within the first few minutes of the recording, since that was one of the first things I did in the morning.

Also I dropped out of all my classes today. I can basically take no classes for 3 terms a year, and still be a member of the school. If I skip more than that, I get expelled. I only dropped out of 1 term so far this school year (the school year goes from September to August), so I could still drop out of this one and one more and still be fine. So that's what I did.

also I started this entry at 10:24 PM, but instead of writing in this journal entry, I let my inhibitions go again, and I did an activity I regret. I pleasured myself again tonight, and it took me about 10 minutes. I don't even know why I did it. Just impulse I guess. I also did it again last night too, before I went to sleep. Again, maybe it's just habit.

I'm really tired and sleepy and just want to go to sleep now. Tomorrow will be another day. I'll set the premiere for today's episode to again be at 12 PM tomorrow. It's rendering as I write this, and it will take about 5 hours total to render this 3 hour and 30 minute video. So I'll keep it rendering as I go to sleep.

Last night I ended up not going to sleep early because of the video rendering. Instead, I stayed up until around 12:30 AM because the video was rendering, and I wanted to shut down the computer when it was done. I went on a bunch of places like Facebook, and I went on Sarah's page, she posted on her own page using her dog's account, saying that this account was hacked and not to trust anything on there. So that might be why she hasn't responded in a while? I liked her dog's post on her page, and I sent her dog's account a message which she replied to pretty quickly saying like 'thank you', but I sent another asking "how'd it get hacked in the first place?" and the message was just "delivered", unread, even now, though I sent it last night.

Anyway just looking through her pictures now, I'm 99% sure she's in a relationship. What an embarrassment for me, omg. That is super embarrassing. I just want to undo my flirty messages and just imagine I never sent anything. Omg. Anyway my interest there is gone. Just evaporated. Who else am I going to pursue now?

No shame, my search bar on Facebook is just me mostly searching women, old classmates from high school who are my age now, 27. Some of them I used to have a crush on. For the most part, all of us are done with school. Some of these women classmates did really well, getting jobs at top companies for example. Some of them had dreams to become actresses since they were young, none of them became stars though. I don't know if any of them are married, some have photos with a partner, but I don't know if they're just dating or are actually married. It's the same story with the males though, not trying to single women out, like, most of us are just "getting by", I see that with most of my classmates.

Dude we've all grown up. Despite these people being former classmates, they kinda seem like strangers to me now. They were all so meaningful to me back in the day, because we saw each other every day. I knew most of my 400+ people in my graduating class, basically knew them all by name, and they knew me. I was one of the most well known kids in our class, even voted into to Student Government. Now they are like freaking strangers to me. Sort of like a match on Tinder or something, just a stranger with their profile and description. I don't think these people would want to hang out with me, nor I with them.

They sort of feel ephemeral, out of reach. I got a bunch of friend requests recently actually, mainly former classmates from elementary school and middle school, just one from high school. I know them for sure. I haven't accepted their friend request though, they're just in pending. I don't know if I want to let them into view my account tbh.

Anyway, I don't think I have the power to date any of these women either. They can just sign up on Tinder and get hundreds of matches, while I get a handful. Some of these women have completely changed from how they looked previously. It's a good thing Sarah is friends with like 2500 people, I can pretty much just search any random classmate name that comes up in my head, and oh look, we have a mutual friend. Of course if I logged into my old Facebook account, I'd have over 1100 friends or something, but I don't want to do that. My 11 friends right now, that's all I need right now.

Facebook used to matter so much. If you were popular in Facebook, you were popular period. Now it's like, well I treat it like it doesn't matter now. I have just 11 friends because I don't care about getting anymore. Who cares in the end, right? Doesn't matter.

Anyway I'm feeling content. Tomorrow will be another day, in which I do a bunch of the same things I did today and yesterday. Let's go ahead and live it.

Written by JustMegawatt

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Posted On Apr 16, 2021

Ah, sorry to hear about Sarah, but at least now you know. It's really hard to find someone to date... but scrolling through fb looking for women seems a bit much. More people probably do it than I realize though, I'm sure.

I'm the same with facebook, I used to have a ton of friends, but I deleted most of them or they deleted me and now I have only 75. A lot of them are family. I've had problems in the past with friends on my account who would spy on my for people who were no longer my friends and creepy stuff like that. It actually happened recently with an older guy named Michael, who used to drive me around to run errands. He's friends with my roommate Jena and I didn't realize he was also mad at me and no longer willing to help me. I was like why are you here then?? Makes no sense, unless he was just there to make sure I wasn't talking shit on Jena, or something like that basically... I ended up blocking him because it made me really uncomfortable to have someone who hates me invade my privacy like that.

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