Ate Nothing, No New Date

7:02 AM (of Saturday, May 22nd 2021)

Today is Friday May 21st, 2021. It happens to be the 21st day of the 21st week of the 21st year of the 21st century. This morning was extremely productive for me. I woke up, threw out the trash, cleaned up the kitchen, I did my strength workouts this morning which was 30 push ups, 200 seconds of planking, 160 crunches, and 30 reps of goblet squats with a 37 pound weight. Honestly I hate the goblet squats so much still, that's why I only do 30. I could honestly do like 90 or something if I wanted, but I hate it so much, so freaking much.

I also walked outside shirtless in the sun this morning for a while. It's been a while since I did that. I probably felt really good from last night. Then I came back home, and restarted the Habitica challenges I hosted. Then I signed into work and started working. Work was alright, I had some videos playing while I worked, though I don't remember what they were now.

I was looking forward to my planned date tonight and I kept sending Aloe, honestly I don't even know her full name because her entire Facebook name is in Japanese characters, messages but she wasn't responding to any of them. She didn't respond until like 1 PM and she said something like "We'll see if I can make it today because some appointments will be running late", meaning her clients. I was like, okay.

I kept sending her more messages throughout that time but she wasn't responding. I guess she was very busy today, and it turns out she was. But wow so much for Mr. Carefree, I got depressed and hangry today based on these external results of her not responding back right away and me not eating anything. I chose not to eat anything the whole day because I took off my shirt in the mirror this morning and I thought I looked really good, I was very happy with my figure. I knew that if I ate food, especially heavy beans and rice, that would expand my stomach a bit making me look less good. So I thought, let me not eat anything for the whole day so I'll look really good for later tonight.

Well I became irritable due to not getting any messages back right away, and also because I was starving. I was really starving by like 7 PM and she still hadn't responded even then, nor were my messages marked as read. When my parents called I was angry and frustrated at both of them for no reason. I went out to get my mail, and I was telling my parents that I got my bank card today, woohoo, proud moment, but I was mad and yelling when I was telling them about it "The bank card finally arrived today. UGH" and when they asked me what I was doing because we were on video chat and my parents saw me get on my computer, I was irritated that they couldn't understand I was trying to activate the card "I'm trying to activate the card now. UGH!", obviously in my language.

For some reason I think it's just a lot easier to yell and be angry in my language than in English. I can't be angry in English. It's hard. There's so many words of frustration in my language that it's more convenient to be angry, possibly, maybe the tone too. Especially "Sus", which according to Google Translate it means "Gosh" in English, but it means more than that and it can be used in basically any part of a sentence. It's not the same meaning. Other alternate meanings are "Heh" like if someone says something and I say "sus", or it can also mean "BS" if I say "sus" after someone saying something else. I don't know why I can anger and be frustrated so easily when I'm thinking or communicating in my language, but in English I can't. It's so hard for me to get angry in English.

3:12 PM (of Sunday, May 23rd 2021)

Anyway she later sent a voice message that night saying she just finished work at like 7:30 PM and was too tired already to do anything else. Oh okay. I didn't know, she didn't respond much throughout the day. Whatever.

That night I just spent alone in my place doing pretty much nothing. I was just hungry. I'm pretty sure I did pleasure myself though before going to sleep maybe once or twice.

Anyway that was my day today. Looking back at it all now, I could have done way better by just not being so annoying. My morning went very well though.