June 15, 2021

Life of an Introvert

Hello! This is my first entry on AYearAgo, and I am very excited to share and tell my "story" on what I did today. Please keep in mind that there might be some typos, and my thoughts are going to be over the place but fuck it, this isn't going to be graded by a conservative English professor. This is my journal.

Alright, here is a POV of my thoughts for today.

Life of an Introvert.

A strange sound woke me up. I didn't know what it was, but it sure as hell scared me. I tried going back to sleep, but I couldn't. Scarry thoughts came to my mind, "what if it is a cockroach? The ones that fly! or maybe a rat? Those fat, un normally big ones. What if it sneaks up on me and touches me. Ohh, no..." So, I stayed still. As if staying still is going to change the sound of my thoughts... I tried being courageous by getting out of my futon and checking out the sound, but I froze. I couldn't. The thoughts scared me, and they beat my courage. What people say about fear overcoming bravery is true. The fear won. In the end, I did nothing.

I tried pushing it out of my mind by going on my phone and checking Clubhouse to see if there are interesting speakers to listen to. Who knows, maybe the sound was my brother who unconsciously tapped his feet on the wall... but then I heard the weird clicking sound. Oh fuck. I froze. I really wanted to do something. I sleep on the fucking floor. I don't want it to be touching ME. But again, fear won. I did nothing.

Once more, I tried pushing it out of my mind by going to Clubhouse. However, this time I found an interesting room. In this room, multiple speakers talked about the "Millionaire's Mindset" (yes, one of my future goals is to be a millionaire or, more preferably, be financially free, but from where I am at right now still living with my parents and a baby's knowledge of money. I am way far from that goal. But, I will make it.) and the one that stuck to me the most was Danelle. She said we need to acknowledge 8 things:

1: know your goals; what are your goals short-term, long term.

2: write down 3 heroes that you look up to and try contacting them. Try making them your mentor. If not, learn from them visually.

3: notice your habits (good and bad ones) stick to the good ones

4: Visualization. Visualize yourself being successful, living your dream. So you don't give up when it gets hard.

5. Be in a good environment. Who wants to work in a messy environment

6. Read. Read. Read. learn from reading

7. Positive Reinforcement. When you finish your task or something great happens, reward yourself.

8: Resolution. Resolve your crap. Don't resolve it later because it will keep coming to you. Like Elisabeth Ross says on The Handmaiden's Tale, "Keep your fucking shit together."

I don't remember exactly if this is accurately correct, but I got from listening, and it really impacted me a lot.

Thus, I have completely forgotten about the noise and made myself breakfast. (did you forget about the creepy noise as well?)

I don't think my breakfast is important for my journal or if I want to remember it because it is very generic and boring. Therefore, I won't. (can you tell I'm new to this journaling thing?)

After eating, I went to Habitica and wrote down my To-Do lists that I want to finish today. I really like going there because it represents RPG game style, and I love it when I gain XP when finishing my to-do's, dailies, and habits. After doing that, I spent 4 hours reading and taking notes on how to day trade by Andrew Aziz. My goal is reading 2 chapters a day, and oh man, that is time-consuming. But, I am happy and feeling accomplished that I did that.

Following that, I checked my phone and realized I killed my almost-to-be-year streak with a friend of mine on Snapchat! What a year has gone of sending meaningless snaps to friends. Idk the point of that anymore, lol. I get it to have streaks, but why? Ah, my youth is fading away! I'm calling snap streaks meaningless now, even though they were a thing years before!

I realized that I don't have any friends. Friends from my previous job are fake and talked behind me after I left. And I can't find people my age who have the same dreams as me. Most people in their 20s, from my experience, want to have fun. They want to drink, smoke, fuck, and party most of the time. I admit I was like that before realizing that that life wasn't for me. I am now thinking about my future with the now. Instead of just thinking of the now. I can have fun after I become "successful." but make it boogie style.

The motivation for me being financially free is supporting my mom. She has been there for me since I was born, and I want to pay her back. I know I don't need to, but I want to. I want to prove to my father that I don't need him and that my business will succeed. Also, of course, I want to live like royalty. I know it will take a long time, and it will be a hard and lonely road. But I got this.

Anyways, let us continue with my day.

After eating, I went to the gym. I love going to the gym and working out because it just makes me feel great afterward. Today was leg day. Fucking love leg day. Why? Because I want an ass. The universe has blessed and cursed me with big thighs/calves but a flat ass. I'm not curvy. Don't confuse having big thighs with big hips. Unfortunately for me, I don't have hips. Just big thighs. Know my pain? So, I got to be extra picky on leg day. I have to focus my glutes more than my quads and hamstrings, but that is so freaking hard because everything is connected. To have a big ass, you need to work on hamstrings to make it up and perky. But besides that, today was a great workout.

FYI, I am an introvert. It is hard for me to be in a big crowd, especially in a crowded gym. So, I almost cried with happiness when my gym was empty. I could do my Bulgarian split squat in peace and especially my kickbacks. It is always so awkward when people are there, and I'm doing that exercise. Like please don't look at my flat ass.

I go to a small gym, so everyone knows each other. Since it is hard for me to speak to people subconsciously and make a conversation with them, I always mind my business. I feel like the staff thinks I don't like them. I say that because, in High School, people thought I didn't like them because I didn't talk to them, or when they try to talk to me, I cut the convo short. It's not that I don't like you; it is just I don't know how to talk to strangers. Over time I have gotten better and can be in a convo for 3 mins, but I'm always me. Nevertheless, I say that about the staff because I say goodbye and hi to them. But they don't respond. That isn't nice. They say hi to other people but not to me. But, fuck it. I don't want to waste my energy with that. It's a trivial matter. I'm gonna stay because there are rarely people there.

After the gym, I went back home. I tried doing a vision board. To keep my dream alive and also a lot of people recommend doing that. I felt like the vision board is self-explanatory. Just put your dreams and goals. I tried looking to see if I have magazines. I used to have some, but then I think I threw them away. So I went to my computer and saw if I can print my dreams out. However, my printer doesn't want to connect to my computer (fuck you, printer). Therefore, in the end, I decided to sketch and write words on my vision board. I thought it would look like shit, but I was pretty happy how it turned out. I used recycled sketch paper and big jumbo markers.

Finally, the end of the day is approaching. I am happy I found this website through Habitica and want to try writing every day. Keep a record of my life and my thoughts.

Oh, I almost forgot. Throughout my day, I decided to challenge myself by doing something outside of my comfort zone. I want to grow as a person. As I am a reserved and silent person, I have decided to make my personal life public. That is why I am posting this journal publicly.

Moonshine logging off.

9:00 p.m.

Written by Moonshine

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