Lesson Learned, Wasted Today

10:07 AM (of Saturday, July 3rd 2021)

Today is Friday, July 2nd 2021 and I regressed a lot today. So before going to sleep last night, I signed up for this adult website for $15 a month, and I cancelled my subscription shortly after signing up because I didn't want to do it for any longer than a month. None of the videos were that great. So I just went to sleep without doing anything.

When I woke up, because I sang my voice out last night while walking and jogging, my voice this morning was boomingly deep and loud without much effort. Like I would just say a single word, and it would be like very loud and very deep and echo throughout the rooms. I dunno. Hard to describe, but I seriously screamed and sang as loud as I physically could last night for around 2 hours, to the point where my voice disappeared and I couldn't even hear myself say anything. If I said a word last night after my singing, it would basically just be air coming out, not much sound. If I was going to be mugged at that point, I couldn't even scream for help or do anything. I couldn't even speak to a person in front of me because I couldn't speak.

This morning though, my voice was BOOMING. It was sooooo loud... and sooooo deep, with a very heavy bass. I sang a few songs and recorded it on my phone. Of course I didn't sing as loud as I could because all my neighbors were still sleeping. But I did what I could.

Then I drove to the nearby grocery store called Supermax, and I bought this Acai sorbet and granola. This is what I've been eating for breakfast or sometimes the whole day, the past day and today. Just this Acai sorbet, maybe two of those, with granola. It has lots of sugar so I am very energized by this for the rest of the day, like I did all my singing and walking and jogging yesterday and the day before, just eating this only for breakfast and lunch, and nothing else.

So I made a mistake today. After breakfast, I looked up some more videos, and there was this site with some adult videos I was interested in. They're quite pricey at like $30 a video, but I bought like this set of 13 videos I would only have to pay $140 or something. There's hundreds or a thousand videos on the site. So I wanted to watch just 4 videos, and if I bought them separately it would've been $120, so whatever, I bought the set that had 13 videos and all 4 videos I wanted to watch for $140, and I had fun to these videos.

My mistake was, I wanted to experiment. So I had his very loud and booming voice this morning, I wanted to see if it would become weaker after I touched and enjoyed myself. I was just curious if that did anything. So I did it once, and it was basically still the same. Not much difference... So I was like, okay let me do it again... So I did it again, and it was a bigger impact. After the second time, not only was my voice weaker, but I felt a lot more tired and fatigued, hungrier and thirstier. Also I lost all motivation to do anything else. Yeah this was a bad day because of that.

The rest of the day was basically work day, and I just did not do that much today. I was feeling so tired and unmotivated and I just wanted to sleep or eat or something. So I made myself a lot of rice and beans, and I ate all that, on top of the Acai sorbet and the granola I would normally have by itself. I drank a lot of water too.

When it was 6 PM, I stopped working and I just lied down. It was starting to get dark but I didn't feel like turning on any lights. If I didn't touch myself earlier today, I would be so motivated right now to have gone out and walked again and sang again outside. But because I touched myself, I was not feeling like doing anything. It's a big motivation killer. I just lied down on the yoga mats and stared at the ceiling. I wasn't feeling depressed or anything. Just tired and sleepy.

At around 7 PM or something, I touched myself again a third time just to my imagination this time. I fell asleep shortly afterwards.

So today was a wasted day, because of that. I mean I still got some work done, but I really missed out on having walked and sang outside again. The lesson I learned is to stop enjoying myself because that kills my energy and motivation and I proved it today.

3:42 AM (of Sunday, July 4th 2021)

Today is still Friday, July 2nd and I forgot to mention that in the morning, Aloe responded to my message yesterday asking about still being able to hang out as friends, and this morning she said okay. A week or two ago she said she was leaving in a few months to go to the U.S. and was likely going to move there because she already found a job. A not so great job in my opinion, and she agrees, but it was an opportunity for her.

Anyway I told her that while she's still here, we can hang out and do anything. If she wanted to take me shopping with her anywhere like groceries or whatever else, I can likely just pick up the bill. She said she needed to do some stuff for tomorrow and she'll let me know, a very generic message, I don't know what she meant. I just said sure, I'm up for whatever.

8:54 AM (of Sunday, July 4th 2021)

Some replies to comments from yesterday's (Thursday, July 1st) entry:

@Iyazo said I sent Sands some old photos. I didn't send her any photos, just that all the photos on my Facebook are not recent, including my profile picture. Most of those are from 2017, literally just that one year. I'll let her know though so she can lower her expectations if she's talking to me based on how I looked in those photos.

@Miya-Miya You have excellent English, especially because you understood everything. Whenever I say "hot", it is short for "attractive", "beautiful", "pretty". Thank you for your comment and analysis ^^