July 11, 2021

Day 5 of S, R. Bruised toe and, pure anger/frustration.

No 7 am start for me today. I couldn't do it. Family members went out for most of the day and did not return until gone midnight. The second the dogs heard the truck, they went nuts, which pulled me out of sleep. Before that, I had to get out of bed twice because I downed about 26 oz of water before bed. When things finally settled down, I was too warm and couldn't sleep.

I got up and made myself some tea. It was my sleep time tea. It takes 20-15 minutes to steep and then to drink it takes a bit too because it is hot. I probably shouldn't have picked up my iPad. In my defence, I was wide awake.

Before all of the above, since the family was out, I minded the dogs. Due to the house being quieter than usual, my dog would bark at everything he thought was a door slamming. Which in turn would make our bigger dog bark or get overly excited. I was heading upstairs to try and get them to stop when I slipped and slammed my big toe on my left foot into the edge of the stairs. As you can imagine, it REALLY hurt, which I suppose put me in a very foul mood, and I was getting progressively more angry at my dog for barking- full-on rage.

It's not his fault that I reacted the way I did. He is who he is, and I am the only one responsible for how I choose to react. I reacted poorly, no question. I did not hurt him. I yelled and screamed. NOT a day I am proud of. I really had wanted the day to be calm and quiet.

It wasn't until later in the evening that I took a look at my toe and discovered a massive deep purple bruise on it, from just under the bottom of my toenail down. It kind of freaked out at first. I had been walking around all day- gingerly - doing laundry and playing with the dogs. I thought maybe I broke my toe, but I have had a hairline fracture in my left leg as a teen, and I figure I would know if I had broken it.

The bruise is on the top of my toe, not on the bottom, and the pain is a little less today. I will need to be careful and keep an eye on it. It is still purple-looking now, but I can flex it with a finger without issue; I will have to wear shoes in the house now to avoid this happening ever again.

I also need to work on my anger, and I dislike myself for turning into something like that. It does no one any good.

Written by EmeraldPhoenix

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