10:06 PM
It's weird that I am in such a good mood right now, considering that just a few hours ago I was feeling pretty bad, a day ago I was feeling terrible (1/10 mood) due to private reasons which I'll write about in a private entry (and I also had to make a bunch of old entries private). A few hours ago there was a black-out for my area in like a 5 mile radius and it was dark everywhere, no electricity anywhere. After it came back on, I played Beat Saber for around an hour. I felt okay and even a little bit bored at the beginning, but then I saw they added Billie Eilish songs recently, and I just went ahead and bought that right away and started having fun again. My hopes and everything went back up since I consider her an inspiration and someone that gives me hope.
While playing I had thoughts about re-activating my old Facebook account again just to check it out. I logged into my old Facebook account just for fun around an hour ago and I poked around the old account. I have 966 friends and 133 followers on this account. I haven't logged on in around 5 years, since 2016. I probably had closer to 1200 friends back then but a bunch of them have unfriended me or have closed their account. I don't remember most of the people here.
I read through the chats I had with people back then and it was so different from the chats I would have today. Maybe not that different, but I definitely spoke differently. I wrote things with some slang:
Some random quotes from me that I randomly took from some chats:
11:58 PM
I've been reading old stuff on Facebook for the past two hours, stuff from 2015 and 2016. It's all so interesting reading stuff from back then. I'm sleepy as heck right now, I'm going to work on my homework assignment and then come back here.
6:56 AM (of Friday, September 24th 2021)
I ended up falling asleep after completing the homework assignment. I was way too sleepy to keep awake. Anyway this is how my day went.
I woke up this morning with some shock from last night. I decided I should at least do all my dailies though, so I went out and walked and I got around 3k steps in before thinking I should go to Costco and buy a MacBook Air there. I got in my car and went to Costco, they were still closed at 8 AM (there's a Wal-Mart and grocery store here that are open at 6 AM and I just got used to the idea that stores opened up at 6). So I just went back home and continued walking some more.
While walking, I also spoke a bunch with the woman who also walked outside a bunch in the neighborhood. We spoke in Spanish together a bunch and I was very impressed I was able to keep a conversation in Spanish. We walked and spoke for like 20 minutes on a bunch of things, and it was super surprising I was able to keep up with her in Spanish, since she didn't speak much English. Still, people say their English isn't good but it's probably better than my Spanish right now.
At 9 AM I went back to Costco because I wanted to get a MacBook Air, but they were closed except to medical professionals until 10 AM, so I went back home yet again. At home after completing the steps, I completed the other morning daily exrecises and I completed 60 seconds of planking, 10 push-ups, 50 crunches, and 20 goblet squats with a 15 pound weight. This doesn't seem like much, but multiply It all by 3 to get the total I did for the entire day, since I would do all this again in the afternoon and evening.
When I got home I started work for a bit, but I found out that my laptop might've been infected with a virus, because no desktop items were showing and also whenever I opened up the web browser it would go to this website called EmuParadise, which I have never visited before this in my life, and my homescreen page and other pages were assigned to different websites yet it always opened to EmuParadise, it was so weird. How the heck did I get a virus on this computer when I didn't use it for anything except work? I have like this entire SSD on this one machine dedicated to just work only, and I didn't download anything weird or visit any weird sites because I already have other laptops dedicated to that, so it was strange I got a virus or spyware on it.
So I told my boss that I think my computer has a virus, and that I'm going to buy a new computer so I could connect to the work servers properly without fear of infecting anything. So I was going to buy a Windows computer for my company and a MacBook Air for personal enjoyment, I was gonna write a company check for the Windows laptop and just use my personal credit card for the MacBook Air. I went to Costco again. I checked out their computers and prices, and meh, they were all kind of expensive. I wanted a cheaper machine for my company's computer, and all the MacBooks there were $1200 and above. I went to Best Buy instead.
At Best Buy I bought a Windows machine for my company for $750 I think, as I write this, that's basically the same price as the ones in Costco, so it might've been better just buying at Costco, but too late now. I checked out all the computers though and I thought this was the best one for the price. Computer specs didn't really matter since anything above 8gb ram is good enough, and this had 8gb ram and an i5 processor, really slow compared to my main computer which has 128gb ram and an intel Xeon processor, but honestly this was good enough, it would be hard to even tell the difference in most applications even though my main computer is multiple times faster and better.
After paying for this Windows machine, after having written a company check for it, I went to the Apple section and told someone there that I wanted a Rose Pink MacBook Air, and so they got one for me and I paid for it with my credit card. I walked out of the store with two computers.
I drove straight home after that and it took the whole day setting both of them up, but I was able to set them both up. I started with the personal MacBook Air first though because I had a plan for its usage. I was going to use it strictly for organization. Like tracking my To Dos and tracking my time and finances and journal entries and other things. That was my main purpose and use case for the MacBook Air. I used to do it a bunch in 2019, and I think that version of me was the ultimate version of me. That version of me allowed my current hedonistic version to exist.
I felt so purposeless and bored and a little bit dead inside the whole day though. Even when opening the MacBook Air package in all its glory, and yes the Apple packaging is quite remarkable, I was seriously blown away with the experience, I still felt so dead inside. Opening up the Windows laptop though was totally banal, it was so dull and boring, it's actually an HP laptop but yeah, it's also a Windows laptop, but more specifically HP.
I like that with this MacBook Air, you can click more than once, like there's a light click, and then you push down further and it's a heavy click. I wasn't sure if I used the word banal correctly, so I just heavy clicked that and boom, the dictionary definition of it popped up and it turns out I used it correctly. I don't know of any other applications yet to the light and heavy clicks though, just that ability to find the definitions of words by heavy clicking it.
I think I felt so dead because during my morning walk, I was listening to this audio book called Daily Rituals: How Artists Work. That book just has 2-3 minutes snippets of famous writer's, artists, musicians, daily lives and it was boring as heck. Most of these artists are already dead, some dead for hundreds of years. They all had different daily activities of course, some of them worked in the morning while others worked at night. I think they all exercised a little bit too, mainly just walking. What surprised me though is that they all worked only around 3-4 hours a day, the rest of that time was filled with doing other things. Some even explicitly said they couldn't do anymore work than that a day, and I think that's parallel to today's society, I think I recall reading somewhere 4 hours is the most amount of work we can actually do in a day.
So yeah that book made me feel dead and dread, because of how repetitive their days were and it was just so bland. I write a lot more than all their writers though, because I have the advantage of tying everything. I write 2000 words In around an hour, sometimes half an hour or less, and yeah I know that's only around 30 to 60 words per minute typing, even though I can actually type at over 190 words per minute, it's way more different when you're coming up with what to write on the spot rather than copying some text. At one point in time, I was in the top 40 or so fastest typists on TypeRacer.com, which is an international typing competition website, so it's safe to say I was one of the top 100 fastest in the world back then, of course I haven't been practicing or anything in years, but yeah that's a past accomplishment for me, and yeah I was also already vegan for several years at that point when I reached my peak in typing.
Later in the evening I would walk around again, this time that audiobook about daily rituals bored me. I listened to this other audiobook on divorces instead, the Top 10 Mistakes Men Make During Divorce, or something like that. I have been blocked by two women recently, and one of them requested I deleted my entries of her, so I made them private. I will publish a separate version of each later with their names and involvement removed as much as possible, though since I write such long entries I might miss some mentions of them, I can't guarantee fully having it all erased. It actually hurts being blocked and all contact with someone ceasing, but what's worse than that is divorce, so I listened to this audiobook on divorce as I walked just to make myself feel a bit more fortunate I wasn't going through what these men went through.
I got this book because the other divorce books felt like they were just about one person. I wanted a book where I could hear some stories of more than just one person, and out of all the audiobooks on the site, this seemed like the best one that had the most stories, and I was right. Okay so I knew women could be extremely manipulative and abusive, and yeah they can be or they are, and there were some good stories in that audiobook of that. I think I'm going to stay single by choice for the longest time, until I'm in my mid 30s, then I'll look for someone to be with, because I want kids. There's just so much drama and bullshit.
I want to become someone known and influential in the future though. How can I ever do that? One of the things I thought about was holding some world record in something, and I thought about planking, which is why I did 180 seconds or 3 minutes total of planking today. The world record I think is over 9 hours. It seems like there's no way I can ever catch up to that, but I think it's entirely possible. I weighed 206 pounds today but I did 180 seconds of planking, 30 push ups, 150 crunches, and 60 goblet squats with a 15 pound weight throughout the day. This is almost rivaling my peak numbers in a day this year when I was 201 pounds earlier. I think I can do a 2 minute plank right now if I tried, which is I think pretty good for someone weighing over 205 pounds.
Anyway I didn't do much work today except set up my Windows machine to be able to connect properly to the work servers and everything. I think work sucks and that I should just cancel my company's work contract with this other company, but I sort of need that income. Sort of need it.
It's really hard to set a world record though. Even when I was at my peak typing, I still really wasn't the best in the world, there were still some people out there better than me. Now I have so much time to practice, I could actually just stay at home all day practicing my typing and improve a lot, but breaking into the top 100 again just seems so daunting since I am a lot slower now than in the past due to years of not having to type as much. Well, I have had my journal entries to type, but again the words I type on here don't come as fast as if I were just copying the words from somewhere. I have to pause and think about what to type sometimes, and sometimes I delete entire sentences or paragraphs.
Going from a 1 minute plank to a 9 hour plank though just seems like it's pretty much impossible. Though I know I can improve to at least one hour, and if I can do one hour I can do two, and so on. I think a world record is the most straightforward and certain path to attaining fame. Every other way of achieving it is uncertain, such as being a musical artist or writer, because you have to create works that are liked by the majority, and it can be hard to do that. Though in many cases, it's easier than trying to go for a world record, since you can get lucky off of a fluke one-hit-wonder song or book or other creative work one time, and that's all you need. Getting a planking world record though, that's guaranteed fame with a straightforward path.
I don't know if I'm going to achieve it because it requires daily discipline and daily commitment. The previous world record holder would hold a 4 hour plank every day just as practice for his record and I'm not able to even do five minutes. I just want to do these things in my life so I can prove some haters wrong and become somebody.
One of the women who blocked me recently said I was ugly, unattractive, and that my entire life would amount to nothing. I don't give as shit what she says though, but I just want to prove her wrong in my life. Like I want her to see my name again somewhere, in a positive light, for accomplishing something incredible, then that would have proven her wrong. I think I am very unattractive though, I really did badly when I was attractive in the past and had some very attractive women liking me, having a crush on me, and I just didn't go with them.
Being a musician sounds hard. I listen to some songs and the best thing I can do to recreate their sounds is to sing along. The other notes and effects and everything going on in the background, I wouldn't know how to create those sounds at all. This applies to every song I've listened to, I always wonder how they did that. For rock songs and other musical instrument songs, you just have to play the right note, but I'm talking about the crazy electronic songs we have today, like how do they do that? I don't know.
Anyway I've been typing all of this up on my MacBook Air, it has a very amazing battery life, and it's so light and the design is so nice. Another reason I bought the MacBook Air was in anticipation for the iPhone 13 which I also think I'm going to buy. Yeah, why not? I'm planning on starting a video series on YouTube again as another way of attaining fame and influence.
I read back some quotes above and I do feel bored and purposeless. I am not broke like I was in the past though, and I feel like it's always been the case that I do twice the amount of work as people who make twice what I make do. People don't realize how much dread and suffering and toiling I've been through to get to where I am. It's a fortunate place where I am now, but it's also through a lot of hardships. It's crazy, I feel like I "carry" the team with whatever I did in all my past positions. I have been a lot lazier lately and not working as hard, this is the hedonistic version of me.
My best version was probably my 2019 version though, that guy was extremely self-disciplined. That's why I bought this MacBook Air, so I can be as organized and disciplined as he was. I also think that I am ugly and unattractive as that one woman said, but maybe that's a good thing. Less distractions. Less women trying to go for me even though I feel like I'm worth a lot and that I'm valuable and unique and special, and this sounds narcissistic but as contradictory as it sounds, I don't think I'm better than anyone, just that my qualities and values in some areas are superior to the majority population. After all I choose not to eat animals because I don't consider myself superior them and having dominion over them to kill them and take their lives and ingest their bodies. Most people are fine with animals suffering for their entire lives and have them die violently just so they can eat a piece of flesh for a few seconds. In the meantime if they see an injured pigeon or other animal, or they see animals dying in the news, they would be so against it while not seeing they are the cause of far more suffering.
Anyway that's yet another reason to become influential in this world, I can use my voice to save lives. There's already a bunch of vegan world record holders though including the female record for planking. I'm trying to go for the male record, because that gives me purpose. Nothing is better than living life with a purpose.
It seems very hard and daunting though, going against the flow and trying to make positive change.
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