Oct. 4, 2021

inspection: scheduled

Tomorrow’s the day of the home inspection.

The conversation about the home inspection was rather weird. Initially, Dell explained that we didn’t need to be present during the home inspection, because the inspector would send us a detailed report of his findings. Okay, I thought, we won’t go. But when discussing it with my parents back at home, they were both very bullish on going. Mom was convinced that I would not read the report (what?? of course I’m gonna read the report! it’s what I’m paying for!!) and that speaking with the inspector in person would be more productive. Okay, I said, I’ll go to make you guys happy. This did not make them happy. Dad immediately started going on about how much of a hassle it would be to drive me upstate for the inspection. Okay, I said, I won’t go because it’ll be a hassle for you. This somehow made everyone (including him) even more upset. Apparently, the fact that it would be a hassle for Dad to drive me there was supposed to be an argument in favor of going (??).[1]

Afterwards, I was talking with friends who said that there might be some utility to going because I could solicit opinions from the inspector. For instance, his report might state that the furnace was of a certain age and type and had certain qualities and drawbacks, but in person, I could ask, “Should I replace it?”

So I’m going. Well, I was going anyway just so my parents would get off my case, but now I have an actual reason to go.

I called up the inspector that Dell recommended and scheduled an inspection for tomorrow morning. Dad grumbled loudly about how this would make him miss his weekly prayer breakfast. I am not going to feel sorry for him. He’s the one who insisted on doing this.

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[1] HGR has identified this as a toxic manipulation tactic: Dad does things for people, then uses it as leverage to get them to do what he wants. The argument is basically “I am being so nice to drive you up to Razorback Ridge, so you had better be grateful and go.” HGR warned me not to fall into the trap. If someone does you an unsolicited favor, it doesn’t obligate you to do what they tell you. Autonomy is important.

Come to think of it, this is basically Dad’s modus operandi. All the time, I hear him complaining about internationals: “I did so much for him; I drove him from the airport, I brought him to the store to get a proper winter coat, I delivered him garden fresh vegetables; and he (wouldn’t come / stopped coming) to Bible study.” He does many things for many people, but he’s internalized the mindset that it entitles him to control their behavior.

Written by Achaius

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